Two years ago around this time

I didn’t have time to write in my blog because I was so busy enjoying life. I was busy with school, friends, preparing for college, loving everything.

One year ago around this time

I had just began medicating myself for bi-polar disorder. I was too busy trying to enjoy life that I couldn’t enjoy it.

I wrote:
I’m weirded out by the fact that I can be happy. I’m weirded out by the fact that I can be okay, not sad, not obsessed with my impending insanity — or death. It freaks me out that I feel like I’m possibly okay. That I might become my old self again. That I might be happy again.

Today I feel

Today I feel like I’m at the same place I was a year ago, yet so far away. I’ve advanced in that I have found my ability to be happy again, however, I’m in the same place because of late I’ve been getting anxiety attacks again. Now, though, I have vowed not to medicate myself because I realise that I can’t really feel happy on meds without wondering if the happiness is fabricated.

Where will I be a year from now, I wonder?