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Scandalous. Hahaha. DAMN YOU FLORIDIANS!! *Eyes Katie* I know you’re behind this. 
HAHAHA! Just playin!
Archive for November, 2000
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Here’s a disturbing picture:
Can you believe that is me, from four years ago? Me… With long hair? Strange things happen. I don’t know why I look so different… (That.. as opposed to me now..)
Geez…. Why did I look so much older back then?. Probably because I was more depressed. Haha. I used to think I knew the answer to the world… And the answer was void.
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Shit. I’m definitely sick. I hate my frail immune system. I knew i should have worn my huge ugly sweater. I have so many big ugly sweaters. All the other girls just wear dainty little body coverings that dont even count as real sweaters… more like long sleeved shirts than sweaters… Yet they dont seem cold, and don’t get sick… Me? I wear so much clothes I look fat… And I still get sick.
I hate bronchitis. There hasn’t been one year in the last 5 years that I haven’t gotten bronchitis (I didnt get over from the time I caught it last november until just this last august!)..
I can feel bronchitis coming on. Its like in one of those horror movies when you see the killer and you see the girl standing with her back to him… and you know he’s coming and you’re like “NO NO!! DONT LOCK THE DOOR!”… But she does it anyway?… It’s the same feeling.
And so here I am. Out here in the cold. Shivering. With barely any clothes on. Feeling like shit. And still shivering more. But am I getting up? No. Of course not. I want to finish typing my blog entry.
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I feel rather feverish and sick. I need a hug, I think. Or maybe just some assurance that someone cares. You know, that’s the saddest part… I don’t even think Nick knows how much I care for real… And if he does.. I dont think he really cares in return. Haha. The cruel ironies of life. Maybe I should just tear my own entrails apart so that I will be the same inside as I am inside.
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I read some disturbing news today. A friend of a friend of mine (with whom i’m a fairly good acquaintence of) quit CAL to be with his girlfriend. It was pretty shocking.
Now, I don’t know about anyone else… But — however romantic — I find that rather stupid. Awesome, amazing, commendable in bravery and conviction of his love… But rather idiotic. I mean… His future could be on the line right there.
Plus.. What of his girlfriend.. Does she not love him enough to care what he might be paying in order to be with her?
The sacrifice he made was bigger than the separation that would temporarily keep them apart, I feel.
However… Maybe I’ve just never felt love as strongly. This reminds me of a scene from “Sayonara”, where Marlon Brando is talking to one of his men out of marrying a japanese girl. He tells his friend that he “would never give up [his] citizenship for ANY girl”… His friend simply replied, “Well, Ace, maybe that’s cuz you don’t feel as strongly about your girl as I do mine.”.
It makes me wonder if I could ever be a fool for love. Maybe I already have been. You tell me.
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I realize it’s been a rather long time since I’ve spoken about Nick. Well, okay, not very long. Probably about a day or so — but, for me, that seems relatively long.
My mom is planning a trip to hawaii this winter vacation and she told me that I could invite anyone I wanted, girl or guy to hang out with me while we were there. Of course, my natural reaction was to ask Nick.
The funniest part was that I was nervous in asking him. I must have typed the question out a million times before actually sending it! He didn’t think me too weird, though… Asking him to come with me… At least I hope not.
The most exciting part: he said he might come!
Of course… He’d probably have problems getting his parents to agree. 
That’s most unfortunate… It would have been so perfect!.
Aish. He’s amazing.
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Sometimes I wonder if my friendship with Carolyn ever meant anything to her. I mean… It’s so strange, you know? We used to be so close, but then suddenly over the course of a few months, we became completely distant. The funny part is — I dont even know if she notices.
It’s difficult for me to admit that I did care for her as a friend… But then, how could I not? We did everything together!… Times change, though… I suppose.
I wish it didn’t.
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I managed the polls today… That was interesting. I was lead by an extremely stupid woman named R_____… Yes. That is her real name. Strange, isn’t it?
I got in trouble several times for talking about politics inside the poll room.
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I have a lot of homework due tomorrow, but I’m not going to do it. I really don’t care too much — even though I’m floundering in half my classes.
Speaking of floundering, I should start my USC application.
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I obtained an interesting quote from my math teacher yesterday…. “If you do not remember this, it is your job to refer to whatever it is to refer to to refresh your memory”.. All this said in a heavy Russian accent. I found it rather hilarious. However, I was the only one with enough wits in my class to realize what she had said.
Sometimes I wonder if a lot of people don’t go through life completly clueless, just accepting everything anyone says.
Most of the time, it is that kind of person that asks the dumbest questions.
Like… “Why isn’t the number negative when you multiply two negative numbers together?”.
I cringe. These people are allowed to drive and vote, and I’m not?
Blasphemy.
I’m being rather liberal with the line breaks.
I like it that way.
Good Night.
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I still haven’t started my 8 page essay. This is hecka whack. Hahha.. I’m probably the worst procrastinator in the world. Oh well. I dont’ care. GR.
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I have this bowl… and it has a cabbage patch kid at the bottom with its arms outstretched coming from a cabbage with a great big smile. It always encourages me to eat my entire meal justso i can see how happy it is to see me finish.
Beautiful analogy of life? Or an observation. I’ll let you decide.
