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Archive for May, 2007

Let’s get crafty!

Every once in a while I get an itch to try out a new craft. My obsession of the week [I say of the week, because I started making these about 4 days ago] is making quilt-like blankets. Here are some pictures.

Shroom blanket


My first blanket attempt. Mario world shroom.


Triforce blanket


My second blanket attempt. Triforce.


Deceptacon blanket


Third attempt. Decepticon.


Autobot Blanket




The transformers blanket


Surprise! It’s reversible.


Side by side


Here they are side by side.


Shoom blanket in action


An action shot of the shroom blanket. :)


About me


So here’s a little about me you might not know [though you got a glimpse of it just now] — I’m really really really into arts and crafts. =] Here are a few of the things I’m into.



My Hello Kitty Sewing machine


My sewing machine


My sewing supplies


Some sewing supplies.


My fabrics


Fabric stash




Yarn stash


Yarn stash


Knitting work in progress


A work in progress






Some supplies



My Munny






So last night I watched The Mormons, a documentary on the LDS church that has been playing almost daily on PBS. From the way everyone was talking, I thought it would be pretty anti-mormon.

However, in my opinion, it was pretty tame. Maybe it was all the anti-mormon literature I went through before deciding to convert, but I thought that it put my religion in a better light than it has been in the past.

Anyhow, funny thing: It was weird seeing pictures of Joseph Smith and the other prophets on national TV. Since I hear and read about them all the time in a non-public setting, it felt like my friends were on TV. “Like OMG it’s President Kimball!”

Car insurance

So, today I signed for my own car insurance for the first time. While the act itself isn’t such a big deal, it’s really had a hard impact on me.

The end of the car insurance marks the end of any connection I have with my immediate family [and by that, I mean mom and brothers]. At least before this I’d get an email every 6 months telling me to pay my mom. But no, here’s where it ends, with car insurance. Now, with finality I can say, it’s unlikely I’ll ever speak to any of them again in a long, long time.

My family
The last time I was with everyone, Christmas 2005

There’s a certain loneliness that comes with being disowned by the people who raised you. Moreso than that, though, is a sense of complete failure.

You grow up hearing that families are supposed to stick together no matter what. Even my own family said that. Growing up, my mom would always say “Your friends will go away, but we as a family will always be there for each other”.

I guess what she failed to mention is that I would only be accepted by my family if I didn’t make any of my own choices. And beyond that, as long as I didn’t make any mistakes. Oh, and as long as I never, ever made amends with my father.

It really tears me apart inside knowing that my family doesn’t really care that I’ve put my life back together piece by piece. And that they don’t really see any difference between the person that I am now and the insane drug-addicted bi-polar run person I was before I started my life over. All they can see is that I’m fat, ugly, and not doing what they tell me to do.

I know the changes I’ve made in my life have been the right ones, but it’d be really nice if I could get validation from my own family.


You would think that after a year of being completely severed from my mother and brothers, I wouldn’t still seek their approval and kinship. But I do. Recently, I’ve tried to reach out a few times. Most notably prior to my baptism. I wanted to make sure I went into it without any regrets.

Other than the anti mormon literature, my family pretty much ignored my attempts to rekindle any kind of relationship.

It hurts, but I guess I can move on.

My father

I’ve mentioned my mom and my brothers several times in this entry. You may be wondering where my dad was this whole time. My dad was out of my life for over 13 years, and we only met each other again about a year ago. So, I only recently became acquainted my father with that side of my family.

My dad actually did, in fact, attend my baptism. Which meant a lot to me, actually. Him and his side of the family, my uncle and my cousins have been accommodating in every way.

I love my dad, from what I remember of him, but aside from familial care, it’s very difficult for me to accept my new family into my heart. At times it’s almost painful to be with them, for as happy as they are to see me every time, and as happy as I am to have a group of people accept me as their own, it’s really not the same, because I didn’t grow up with them.

Car insurance

So, as I was saying, today I purchased my own car insurance for the first time. With it came all these feelings. I’m sure for most it’s just something that has to be done, and nothing more. But this time, right here, this simple life task makes me feel so heavy I feel like I’m going to sink into the floor.

My heart hurts so much, I can barely breathe.

I’ll end this with the last words I heard:

“I hope I never hear about you or think about you again until I die. Just the thought of you makes me suffer”

Oh mom, you hurt me too. More than you’ll ever know — because if you did, I don’t think you would have treated me the way you have all these years.

Writer’s block.

I recently archived all of my blogs together into one []. Totaling in at 1795 entries at the time of archiving, I realized how much of myself I’ve put out there for people to see. I’ve been going through the archives every once in a while, just to reminisce and get that weird feeling in my chest that can only be nostalgia.

I miss the days that I could just write anything I wanted, wear all my feelings on my sleeve. I miss the words flowing from my fingers, quickly, easily. Where did my words go?




For those of you who don’t know me, or hadn’t heard the news, I recently converted into the Church of Latter-Day Saints.

There are a few who have expressed their skepticism towards my sudden religious conversion — especially since only a few months before, I was struggling with the matter of religion in general.


There’s a certain stigma about the Mormon church. I’ve heard interesting stories from the other members of the church about the types of things people have misconstrued about them because of their faith.

My own brother, an Episcopalian priest, tried to persuade against my baptism, calling the church a ‘cult’ and sending me anti-Mormon literature. (What’s interesting is that I had already read all of those pages before deciding to convert… Ah, good ole google and wikipedia.)


There’s not much that I can say towards the skepticism or towards the people who have strange ideas about what the LDS church is like, but I can assure you that I do believe in the church. Not to say that I don’t have questions from time to time, or that I know everything there is to know about it.

All I know is that when I’m there, it feels right. When I pray, it feels right. When I learn about the teachings of the prophets, it feels right. More so than with any other form of organized religion I’ve encountered.

At the end of the day, what more can I rely upon when it comes to spiritual reasoning?