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Archive for December, 2006

Pains in my chest

So… for about an hour now I’ve had some sharp pains in my chest whenever I breathe deeply. Breathing shallowly is fine. Although, the shallow breathing is causing me to get a bit dizzy. Yay! Free high.

Sunday December 24, 2006 at 06:38 am

Merry Christmas.

I hope your heart is as full as mine this holiday season.

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything substantial… A lot of it has to do with the fact that my life’s been so full of goodness that I completely forget to write anything here.

Anyhow, before I start. I like to announce my 6th place victory in the Guild Wars Wintersday Art Contest.

I really am awesome beyond all others.

Another part my lack of blogging is that I tend to link writing really long and thoughtful blog entries during times of melancholy and grief. So I guess, no news can be good news on this end. =]

Warning, somewhat sobering stuff ahead

A lot of you already know that I’ve been struggling with bi-polar disorder for a few years now. Luckily for me, I have doctors that don’t give up on me, and friends that are supportive about my life choices. I’ve been on the same medication for about five months now, and I’m beginning to realize things didn’t have to be the way they were for so long.—

There are a lot of people who think that medication is a bad alternative and look down on it because it alters the mind. I used to feel that way a lot of times too during the last few years when we tried the slew of different drugs that didn’t work on me.

However, now that I’ve found something that works, I realize this: If you find the right medicine for you, you really can come the real you without all the frustration and drama and sleepless nights and tears that come with it.

It’s not as if I don’t feel sad or upset whenever upsetting things happen. It’s not like I feel a false sense of security [which did happen on some medications, I won’t lie]. It’s not like I’m a zombie all the time, or I’ve lost my sense of creativity…

I’ve become just me. The person I am and the person I always knew I was deep down somewhere.

Some people might not even notice a change in me… But I do, and I guess that makes all the difference.

A few of you have written to me about your struggles with depression and other related things. I know that it was probably really hard to reach out, and I’m glad you did and I hope that reading about my struggles and my trials and then ultimately my success has helped you with your own situation. I hope you’ve taken my advice on the therapy and hope that you’ve started on your way to recovery.

For those of you who are reading this, if you are ever feeling at the bottom of the barrel, I’m always here to listen. Sometimes it’s just easier to talk to a stranger who’s been there.

Last of all…I’d like to say that I’m extremely happy this year about my place in life, my friends, and my surroundings.

Merry Christmas,


Tuesday December 12, 2006 at 08:16 pm

It’s an uncanny feeling, when you arrive at your destination and you have no memory of the drive home.

Auto-pilot is scary.

Saturday December 9, 2006 at 08:37 am

Monday December 4, 2006 at 05:46 pm

Love is a funny thing. Just when you think your heart is full and you can’t possibly love any more than you do, you find that you can, and you do.

“If only there could be an invention…that bottled up a memory, like scent. And it never faded, and never got stale. And then, when one wanted it, the bottle could be uncorked, and it would be like living the moment all over again.”
The words of young Mrs. De Winter
from Rebecca
by Daphne du Maurier

Oh, how many bottles I would have.