I find myself at a loss
Have I lost it? Perhaps with Ray gone, I’ve lost my muse for blogging. Nobody really feels interesting anymore. I still feel a little awkward talking to him now. He told me not to act differently around him… But how can I?. Aish aish. I think I’m going to drown my sorrows away by making a new page layout. :T
^_^ OMG! Katie!! You’re Back?!
Suddenly, I went to your page and there were new blogs.. But then.. i have been visiting… And they hadn’t showed up before?! Ahh. So confused. Were you unable to publish before? I’m so excited! I’m typing a mile a minute! Puhehehe. 
Ohhh BOY OH BOY. YAY! ^_^ Thankiee for liking my new layout. I haven’t talked to you for so long! I LOVE YOU!!
Nick is a moron? Which nick? My Nick? Or some other Nick? Haha. Aish. Did I just say MY Nick? Woo. That sounds bad. I just mean the Nick I know and that you associate with me. Yeah. ^_^*
AHhhh!! Katie’s back Katie’s back Katie’s back!
I was going to call you this weekend, if you didn’t come on. I was getting really worried!!
MUAH. I love you sweet thang!
Do you lose on purpose sometimes?
Sometimes I wonder, because our stakes are so even. Heh. But then, you have to wear my underwear on your head. I don’t think anybody in their right mind would lose a bet like that on purpose. Hm… My fate, however, I think is far worse than yours. *Shakes head*. I haven’t mooned somebody in a whole year! If I start it up again now, what if I never stop?
Interesting thought..
Auto response from lytePinoy (10:00:28 PM): After reading a very inspiring yet depressing essay about the squandering youth and finance of American Kids by going to college. I’ve decided to attempt to gaze upon school in a different light… So i’m actually gonna try to like the homework i’m doing. Because its soooo educational. Why i’m saying all this i do not kno.. and why i’m actually gonna post this i deffinetely dont dont kno… N E WAYZ leave a message
That really does make you wonder, doesn’t it? Is college really a waste of time?
I can’t really tell. I suppose that’s one of the things we’re all most afraid of. What if everything we do is just a waste of time? I mean, what are we, as individuals, seeking to achieve in our short life span? What CAN we achieve? I aspire to make a difference in the world, but can I really? And what of others… Those who do not really have a dream? What method of justification do they use to exist?
I do not know. I’m going off on a tangent here, like usual. Back to the topic of college squandering youth. It all depends on the individual, I suppose. For some, college is right, for others it isn’t. If it’s not right for you and you go, you’re screwed. If it is right for you and you don’t go, you’re screwed. If you match up correctly, but then mess up, you’re screwed. So the way I figure it, unless you know yourself very well, it’s a lot like gambling with your life.
Aish. Aren’t I rather morbidish today. I don’t know. I suppose I feel a little on the disillusioned side at the moment. The strange thing is, I really don’t know why. Heh. Perhaps it is I who should be trying to know myself more. Mm. Do as I preach? Fat chance. We all know I’m a perverse creature by nature. Heh.
I’m Sorry
You always make fun of me for apologizing too much… But how can I not say sorry when I’ve made you cry?. You’re one of my closest friends right now, maybe not as close as BooBoo, perhaps.. But you’re high on my priorities list. I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t even know. And yet I’m sorry… I’m sorry because I am who I am, I suppose… and I can’t really help it.
I apologize too much, I suppose, and that makes it meaningless to you. At least it still means something to me.
You are SO obvious. -.-
We all know that there’s only one person who forces other people to pay homage… and that person is ME! Geesh. Hahaha. I can’t wait until I take over the whole world, and my homage will be paid. Hahaha.. Mike says that when I’m done taking my homage I’ll be sore. ^^* Well, I’m only going to take homage from the very select few, so… Don’t you worry, Mike! ^_^ Hahaha.. Well, maybe a select ONE. 
I wonder if he knows who he is? Haha. Probably not. He can be a dork like that. Mph.
Perphect.
Go After Him
Go after him go after him they always say. Don’t wait for the what ifs. Don’t wait too long. What if he finds a girl? Don’t give me the crap about it not being meant to be. Person after person has said this to me. Sometimes I even wonder if the decisions I’ve made are wrong. Sometimes I wonder if I should say something directly.
But then I realise that I shouldn’t have to. It’s not as if I’m not bold around him — it’s just that I haven’t addressed the subject directly. I suppose there are many what ifs… But I value him so much that I fear making things awkward. I know I’ve put my foot in my mouth, and wanted to kick myself for it.
I don’t even think that I’m right for relationships. Why do I let myself feel pressured to be put into that group of girls that always needs to have a boyfriend? Ah, what saddens me the most is that I appear so needy that I must have him or else I’ll die or soemthing like that. Aish. I’m going to bed.
“DonG”
You were listening to me that night? Strange. The thought comforts me, yet scares me a little. People don’t normally take much heed into the thngs I say, I suppose. ^_^ That’s why I’m not used to it. Teehee.
Ahhh… Quake III Party @ School Today
I had forgotten how wonderful it feels to blow someone to bits with a rocket launcher. Every time I play quake I want to see Nate and Ashish and Mike again, though. That was probably one of the best times I had my life… This summer that is… When I worked for Actuate, we would spend our lunchbreaks playing Quake 3 Arena… I really really sucked, but I had a great time. ^_^ Once, I got 23 frags in a 75 frag game! Go me. Hahaha.
I guess I can never bring that exact same feeling back, no matter how much I want to emulate it. Oh well, at least I’m having other types of good times associated with the game. ^_^ It’s nice… One of the only times that I’ve been able to really connect with some people at school. 
Suddenly I’m brought back to the time when I first met Mike, and he showed me how to use the mouse to navigate on quake. Ahh. And then he asked me for my e-mail… And everything went from there. At the time I had also just started talking to Nick all night. ^_^ It was nice. I remember that. Summer. Full of happy things, warmth and stuff. Now that I think about it, pretty much everything that has had a lot of impact on me this year has had to do with what I did this summer. Ahhhh. Interesting.
Anyhow. We’re about to go home now. Good stuff. ^_^
I don’t know, was I?
You ask a hard question. ^_^ I can’t tell. If it had happened it would have happened, right? I don’t know. Since it didn’t happen, I guess it wasn’t supposed to, or something. I feel strangely guilty anyway. Especially towards your feelings. I’m wretched, so I guess I really don’t feel anything. :T Hm.
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