AHAHAHAH In a search for a better way to procrastinate for work, I decided to start making bookmarks. Soon, my mission was joined by my roommate, and then her friend and soon more people were dropping by to see waht the racket was!! AHAHAH ohh what fun!! =D we made HEECKKAA cool bookmarks. =}
“What happens to Goths when they reach their mid-to-late thirties? Does the look transfer smoothly into some other style? Or do they generally give it up altogether?
Do they give their old choke chains to the family dog? Does the old black lipstick now only come out for Halloween parties?
What happens when they can no longer hide the wrinkles under the pancake makeup, and they begin feeling like a clown — Do they just pack up their neon hair extensions and start shopping for clothes at Sears?
I mean, we can’t all be Stevie Nicks, prancing about in lacy witch clothing well into our senior citizen years.
The answer lies in the Internet…. It has provided a final refuge for aging Goths! The ones with enough sense to realize how silly they look doing deathdances to the Damned on darkened dancefloors in smoky clubs, sagging tits and asses jiggling obscenely. It allows them to live long past their shelf life by providing a community, the only place where they can still out-goth the next generation of Hot Topic neophytes. Chatrooms, so they can go on about how the younger generation ain’t keepin’ it real.
Like the ‘vampyres’ they imitate, they obtain immortality — through the magick of Photoshop and high-contrast webcams. Skin forever porcelain, lips forever black, eyebrows forever gone…. Forever Goth.”
It’s kinda funny. 
Some people have mentioned that I have a cloud of sadness that follows me around — a cloud that momentarily takes over my face as certain subjects are brought up. It’s weird — I always thought that I was good at hiding my emotions.
I’ve always been one of those people that’s happy-go-lucky. I try to let nothing phaze me and keep myself happy. Inside, though… It can be a different story. Sometimes the case is — the bigger I smile, the louder I talk the more nervous and shitty I’m feeling. About the things around me and about myself.
It’s hard being an insecure teenager prone to self-introspection that’s deeper than it really is. I think if I took my life at a purely surface value I would have a lot more happiness. I’d never try to analyze my own feelings and therefore never have to worry about preventing other people from feeling the way I do.
I’d love to break away
To a place where
People can say
Hi there
Without inhibition
I’d like to hold your hand
And grasp your soul
To make you understand
That friendship has no toll
Outside of fiction
I want to be free
Far from all of this
Far away from me
Gesso the canvas
Put the keys in the ignition
I’d like to drive away
Start anew
Where everything is okay
Lots to do
… and … im out of inspiration.
Because I don’t write here doesn’t mean I don’t care. Because I didn’t reply to your e-mail doesn’t mean I didn’t read it. Because I’m silent doesn’t mean I’m not here.
There are so many things going on right now around me and inside of me. Please don’t be angry at any rash actions I have done or will do in the recent past and future.
It hurts to be a fool.
Great poets take time on their poetry. Great poets have talent. Great poets can edit and re-edit their poetry until it’s a beautiful thing. I am not a great poet.
I cannot write poetry unless it’s an outburst of emotion — a sudden *ding!* that makes me want to just sit down and write. The same thing goes with most of my writing… My stories… Etc. I wish I had the talent to edit.
You know when you find out something… Something that makes you feel really bad… So bad that you can’t cry… So bad that you can’t really talk to anyone about it because you just want to forget about it… Something that makes you feel sick to your very core? Yeah. Just had one of those moments.
It’s not anyone’s fault but mine. I’m the one that left myself open for even such a possibility. But it still hurts all the same.
I lost what I wrote earlier and I can’t even remember what I wrote. HEHE! Ghetto crazy. Anyhow… I’ve been running around stealing CHUPACHUPS from other people’s cups and shit. DUDE! I love those candies and I’ll stoop to any level to get some. I’m a fucking chupa chup maaaaaaaaaniac.
=D I love you all!
SINNOCENCE bumped me up to portal 9! wOOOOT! I feel all special and shit now. =D
Silag’s new site looks like a girl made it!
HOT GIRL from HOLLAND linkin’ me. I feel so special!! =D I’m going INTERNATIONAL! WOOOOT.
I went to a party last night… It was pretty much my first real party since I got to college… It was interesting… I actually don’t remember that much… But I remember a guy getting beat up by a bunch of other big guys and a couple people trying to put their arms around me.
I tense up a lot when people I dont know put their arms around me. People must think I’m a freak.
I got asked about twenty times if I was a raver. GODDAMNIT… I’m not a raver! This is my first party. I did meet a nice guy who was into Anime and Dragon Ash, though… But then James came in and was like “there’s a fight! we gotta jet!.”… Well, I dont know exactly what he said… but it was along those lines…
It’s OK, though… I think he was trying to put his arm around me too. =T
I hate people who try to make excuses to touch you. Like this one guy… He kept asking me if I was Ok and kept trying to hold onto my arm and I was like goddamnit… If I wanted to hang onto you, I would have done it out of my own free will. And then this other guy who made me walk down hella steps even though I was like… I don’t think I can handle those right now. =T He was like ‘You want me to carry you?’ I was like … In that case, i’d rather take the stairs by myself.
I realize that everything is really fragmented right now… Segmented into weird little paragraphs. I can’t really help it, though. I’m thinking like that. God, I hope I feel better by Monday.. I think I have a paper to write for Writing already.
Anyhow… I realize I’m a really perverse person. I want things I can’t have with a mad desire. I crave them, I burn for them… But then after I’ve had them… I just want to move on. It’s a part of human nature, I know… But I still want to hit myself for it.
I’ve run out of steam. I have so much more to write, but no will to write it. Later, I suppose
There are some dorms that are always quiet and some dorms that have a constant stream of people coming in and out at any given time. Mine is the latter. It’s an interesting experience just sitting there on the couch and chillin… People come in, tell their story… and sometimes sit down to listen to other people’s ish. Hehe. =]
Since it’s just Welcome Week everybody’s SOOOO freakin’ nice… It’s kinda cool, yet freaky at the same time. =] I hope it lasts for at least a month. I want to keep the illusion that I’m neato or something.
A lot of people seem to be recognizing me. Not because I’m recognizable… But because my backpack is recognizable. HAHA! I guess not many people wear bright ass blue robowan backpack all the time. It’s all good, it gives me character!! GOSHDARNIT! Character! Some people even said I look really cute dancing with it. :P~~ Hehe. Maybe it increases my rhythm.
I went to get my shots yesterday, but like instead I ended up seeing a freaking counselor for an hour. =T Because of my lack of sleep, though… I ended up getting no shots at at all.
Anyhow. More to write later. =} DAMN. I’ve been going to every event, man! Hehehe sometimes it’s even beneficial. I won $10 at anchor blue hehe. I won’t mention why, tho. ^_^;;
It’s strange how things change as they get older… and people change when they get older. I remember back in the day, when people would be completely different online and offline. When and *if* I ever met somebody offline, they’d be totally different acting than I ever imagined… But now, most people I meet are exactly the way they portray themselves on the ‘net… =D Or strangely, sometimes they’re even better than I imagined. Strange.
Is it a change in the way we view the ‘net as a communication device? Or is it a change related to becoming older and less insecure about yourself and therefore not needing to lie?
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