Archive for October, 2001
October 21, 2001 at 2:26 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
It’s a new feeling, waking up in the morning with feeling that someone out there… someone you know… has gone through the same emotions you have. It makes me feel not so little, not so helpless. Things were finally put into a perspective that I could grasp. I feel as if I’ve never truly dealt with my inner feelings before.
I know I’ve never cried the way I did. I’ve never been able to just keep crying without trying to hold it back in fear that somebody would walk in. I’ve never been able to talk about what’s inside of me without the fear of that people would turn away from me — or that I would be put into a mental hospital permanantly.
College has been so many new experiences to me. My first drink. My first laundry. My first time being truly frustrated with my classe. My first time finding someone I could truly talk to.
At the same time, it hurts to know that someone has been through the same — if not worse– emotions that I have. It hurts me to know that there are other people who suffer. When I see people hurting, I want to take all of their hurt into myself and bury it there with everything else. I’m used to it enough myself, you know?
He made me listen to him last night. He didn’t just give me advice and prattle on in a way that made me drift off and forget what he said. He forced me to hear his words and to understand the meanings behind his words. It was harsh and difficult to listen to and truly absorb, but I think I needed it.
October 19, 2001 at 1:12 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
Life is shit. Did I ever mention that? Life is complete shit. Drama on one side. Dorm drama on the other side. I just want to get drunk. I think I’m becoming an alcoholic. I’m in debt for the first time in my life. I don’t understand anything in any of my classes. I’m still getting over my stupid fucking cough/cold.
And apparently I can’t think about anyone but myself. I hear everyone else has been having a bad time too. God. This week sucks.
October 18, 2001 at 12:18 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
Came back from Casino Night in Mesa Court [the dorm sector in which I live]. It was super fun! I was gonna leave right away, but I decided to be a trouper and stick it out. Ended up meeting some really nice people — Emil (an RA! OOoOo I feel all special!) and Jon from Vista and Sean that I met the other day. =D CooLIo!!
I got to touch boobie! I touched one of the staffer’s boobies! ^_^** She ran up to me as my hands were outstretched~!! Not my fault for real! And then another staffer hooked me up wit ‘sumpin sumpin’ (some chips) because I was just “TOOOO CUTE!” and was “A CRACK UP ALLL NIGHT!” hehehe! I felt so special. ^_^;; I didn’t know people were watching me. HOHOHO.
Anyhow, I’ve gotta take a shower and go to bed. It’s past my bedtime!
October 17, 2001 at 6:37 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
All of Jame’s talk about Popples and CareBears has made me feel really nostalgic. I remember back in the day when I had a My Little Pony blanket, woke up to watch all those shows on TV… and loved them to death. Rainbow Brite, My Little Pony, CareBears, Popples, Smurfs, Muppets…. AHHHH!!! The childhood memories.
October 16, 2001 at 10:55 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
Ahh!! My RA [Taylor] is sooO adorable! I just found out that he stole my bike when I was away and was talking about riding it to class! AHhh! Hhahaha the thought of him, [really tall hot white guy] on my little girl sparkly pink bike with streamers on it cracks me up to no end. I love my dorm!
October 15, 2001 at 5:06 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
Katie‘s right. I have the immune system of a newborn calf. Whenever I’m around new people I catch whatever might be clinging to them and I fall ill. I hate it! I really do… It’s getting in the way of my work. Whenever I’m sick I don’t want to do anything but sit here and blog about it and complain about it. Bleh. I hate it.
I think I’m going to go to bed now. I can’t believe I woke myself up with my own coughing this morning. It’s almost as bad as waking yourself up with your own snoring!
Speaking of snoring, Bao, Dave‘s roommate, says that I snore whenever I sleep on my side. But if I sleep on my back then I don’t snore anymore. Hehe. Apparently even if I’m rolled over onto my back, I tend to roll back over to my side. HOHOHO. Poor bao.
October 14, 2001 at 1:41 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
It’s strange, when you learn something about someone through someone else. Afterwards, I usually can’t look at that person in the same light — well, when it has something to do with me, at least. I’ve been feeling that a lot towards somebody I thought was close to me. Weird, how I don’t want to talk to that person about it, but I keep on wanting to ask “Why?”. The hurt is gone, but a feeling of puzzlement is left.
“Is … a … puzzlement.”
-The King and I
October 14, 2001 at 1:35 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
I’ve been neglecting my online log lately. I guess that’s what college has done to me! ;_;, Oh, the horrors. I feel like one of those uncool people that actually experiences things in real life and never talks about it now. Oh well, it’s weird. There’s tons of stuff that comes to mind that I would love to write about. Yet, I’m reluctant. I feel as if… if I do, then the realness of it will be broken.
In the past I’ve written all about the things that have happened to me on here. How I feel, what I want to do about it, what I’m going to do about it… Etc. My most private feelings and my most public feelings. They’re all here in this blog.
It seems, however, that whenever I write something here, it gains a surreal quality to it. It’s like. Oh, it’s something that I wrote online. It must not matter much anymore. Haha. I guess it’s a type of therapy.
But suddenly, it’s so hard to write. So many things rush to my mind but don’t flow onto my fingertips. Maybe I’m finally wearing down. A thousand posts later. But then, if I’m so tired of it, what am I doing here? HAHA.
Maybe it’s just PMS.
October 12, 2001 at 7:30 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
Dave is hilarious! now buy him a TV.
October 11, 2001 at 11:19 am · Filed under Rigamarole
But I play one on the ‘net. HAHA. Just playing. That just popped into my head. I’ve been trying to separate the ‘real’ me from the ‘net’ me a lot lately, but it’s so hard to really find where the line to one ends and the other begins. Sometimes, the two personalities are completely different — and sometimes they’re merged together as one.
I’m not really a bisexual chick, but I play one on the ‘net. I wonder how many of these girls are like that. Almost all of the blogger chicks I’ve read lately are at least bi-curious and mostly full-fledged bisexuals. Or so they claim. Maybe I’m the same way!
Wow, now that I think about it… My parents were right. The possibilities of life are endless! I can be anything I want…. anything at all. Now that the land of technology has made the Internet possible, I can even be an astronaut! — Or at least pretend that I’m an astronaut… Maybe I’ll lie about it so much that I’ll even begin to believe it in real life! Ohh, crazy.
I’m babbling right now. Did I mention I was sick? I need some chicken soup. Badly. 
or just some warm food, a soft bed and some nice people to take care of me. Days like this I actually miss my mommy. I’m afraid of calling her though. She’ll figure out I’m sick and then she’ll yell at me. Bah.
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