Archive for November, 2001
November 26, 2001 at 1:01 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
Thanksgiving weekend, the weekend to give thanks to all the great things in your life, and to be happy that you’re alive and you’ve survived another year. From the start, I knew that it would be an event-filled weekend, how could it not? I had so many things planned all on top of each other.
The weekend started out great, thursday ended up being a small get-together of most of the people that I had associated myself with in Senior Year. It was nice seeing those familiar faces again. Sitting in our side room/appt thing, it was as if we’d never left for college. I felt like nothing had changed.
It’s weird too, that feeling that nothing has changed. I felt myself reverting into an old me. Turning back into another person that I forgot had existed. The way I act here and the way I act now … so many differences than that person that left for college a couple months ago. I think being away from my mother has caused this. I found myself trying to mould myself back into the person i had been for so long. But it wasn’t working out that way. In the end, I suppose the’ll all just have to accept me the way I am.
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Friday we had yet another get together, with a couple new faces this time. Once again it was nice to be with everybody. It was like all our pleasant times put together again. Just sitting around and talking about everything that came to mind. I forgot how much I missed that familiar group.
Later on that day I drove 45 minutes with two friends up to Belmont/San Mateo area to see Waylan and then dropped my friends off at the Hillsdale mall as Waylan and I went to visit James. Waylan looked in good spirits, just a little tired and bruised up. I wanted to hug him really hard but was kind of afraid of hurting him.
I think the most anticipated part of my weekend was seeing James. I was the first person to call him in the hospital I think. I was almost afraid to see him. Afraid to see that he was hurt. But it ended up being OK. He was really tired and out of it. He looked even more hurt than I imagined. I didn’t know that he had had such bad head injuries… seeing the staples in his skull made me hurt for him. His hand was bandaged up, so I didn’t see hte worst of it. I could only see the tips of his fingers — but even there there were stitches peeping out on his fingers.
I wanted to stay for as long as I could. I wanted to talk to him and just be with him. I wanted to hold his hand and hug him. I missed him so much more when I was there with him. And even more after. It’s weird how that works, huh?
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Saturday I chilled with Jesse for a while. That was pretty tight. I hope I get to see him often when I get back to SJ. He’s got some crazy ass stories to tell. =D And I found out what “camel toe” means. YAY! I feel like I am more knowledgable with the world now.
Then it was family time with my mom and my brother. Thats as it always is. I’d rather not talk about it.
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Went home yesterday. Never drove that much before in my whole life. Made me scared because i realized that was the same trip that my friends got in an accident during. Sigh. At least I’m not too afraid of driving anymore. =] only slightly scared.
I need to do homework now, so I’ll write more about my thoughts later. =] muah.
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November 25, 2001 at 7:18 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
Finally, I have come back. This last weekend was really draining and I can’t even begin to describe all the things that happened! — Therefore I will now take a nap and then proceed to tell everything waht happened after I wake up. So keep your pants on! 
November 21, 2001 at 8:57 am · Filed under Rigamarole
John recounts the night.
p.s. i saw john and dave last night and.. wow. it hurts to see them all bandaged up and all messed up and painful looking like tht. i realize that i’m really afraid of pain.
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November 20, 2001 at 10:15 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
Waylan relives the night.
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November 20, 2001 at 7:42 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
i can’t wait to see your smile.
November 20, 2001 at 7:19 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
Dave has posted his story. click on ‘more’ or the above link to read it.
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November 20, 2001 at 7:08 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
when i heard that something at happened my first thought was whether or not they were ok. next i wondered what exactly happened. next i thought about what i would do if they were not okay. thus evoking a slew of unpleasant “what ifs”.
dave. james. waylan. john. dan.
people i know. people that i talk to daily. people that i love to be around.
things like this don’t happen to those kinds of people. things like this were only supposed to happen in books and to friends of friends and other people that i don’t know. they don’t happen to people i love.
those are my thoughts for the day. i apologize for my lack of posting. it’s just too hard for me to describe exactly how i feel right now.
November 19, 2001 at 7:23 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
one of those days where an event makes everything else that would have been blown into bigger proportions seem trivial and inconsequential.
he smiled at me and all i could think about was something else.
November 19, 2001 at 1:18 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
repressed depressed can’t get these ideas out of my head
the threshold of pain in my chest makes me think of death
can pain be suppressed by the press of hot iron to a wrist
is this how life should be or is this how life is
cant take lying low anymore because i am
can’t make, can’t show no more because of them
can’t be myself cant get out of this hell
can’t say what i do cant do what i want because
its clear i fear theyll hear that the image
portrayed isnt the way i really am because i am
because i write about everything but nothing at all.
i speak about everything but share none.
i hold nothing back but i let nothing out.
i’m just so tired now.
November 19, 2001 at 12:03 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
i find that the times when i think of the best things to write and the best strings of words that could become sentences are when i am walking and i have no paper or pencil handy in my hand or if i’m in a hurry to go somewhere and i dont have time to stop and think more deeply about whatever it was that i happened to be thinking about or when i’m taking a long shower and everything seems strangely coherant for some strange reason. sometimes i can remember the subject of thought, but not the nicely formed sentences that came with them.
i was goign to write about the things that i remembered from walking to class today, but suddenly the thoughts have dissipated like fog in the sunlight. it’s sad, how short and selective my memory can be.
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