Archive for November, 2001
November 2, 2001 at 3:30 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
stop trying to disprove the fact that i have feelings for you. just because i’m not going crazy about it doesn’t mean that there’s not something going on inside of me. just because i don’t express all my feelings in words doesn’t mean i don’t think them. it doesn’t mean i don’t feel giddy when i see your name on my buddy list, or excited to see your name on my caller id.
dismiss this as a childish girl crush, puppy love if you will. but don’t tell me that i don’t care, because that hurts and it’s untrue.
incidentally, i have a crazy urge to see you dance right now.
November 2, 2001 at 1:44 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
“you seem so shocked to find that we can accept that you’re fucked up. in truth, its just because we’re so fucked up ourselves.”
acceptance, assimilation, the illusion that i might be normal. these things have always been very precious to me. contrary to what many people may believe, i work really hard to be like the more ‘normal’ people i see around me.
when i showed some of my true colours, somebody special said that to me. i don’t think i’ll ever forget that. thank you.
November 2, 2001 at 1:31 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
what do you do when his face keeps forcing its way into your mind? when you try to forget and people keep asking about him? when running away brings you right back to where you started? what do you do when you just want to stop running, stop thinking, stop all the emotions within your heart?
what do you do when the first hand you finally grasp onto desparately lets go?
November 2, 2001 at 11:59 am · Filed under Rigamarole
tears come so easily to my eyes these days. sometimes, i’m not even very very sad, and suddenly something will make my eyes well up involuntarily. i feel like a weaker person for it, i feel like i ought to be smiling, laughing it off. maybe i should be, too.
in this ill-stricken state, painful thoughts invade my mind like the bacteria that are invading my body. i don’t even have the strength to push them away, yet somehow i have strength enough to dwell on the things that truly bother me. that’s probably why i like surrounding myself with people. — when you’re around a lot of people, you can’t really think about anything too deeply.
incidentally, it’s time to eat, and i don’t feel a bit hungry.
November 1, 2001 at 10:27 am · Filed under Rigamarole
strange. i guess the only way to get featured on two different online magazine things is to start being more distant from everything in the online community and going to college. =P weird! weird!. thanks a lot, though. i’m really flattered. even in this almost dying state.
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