Archive for January, 2005
January 31, 2005 at 6:00 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
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Why do bitches walk so slow?
Picture this: You’re on your way to class, you have everything timed perfectly. It is 10:55 AM, and you have exactly 5 minutes to get to class. You are turning right on a red which will take you approximately 1 minute. Parking will take 2 minutes, and it will take less than 2 minutes to walk to class.
You reach the red light when you notice a pedestrian crossing the road. Courteously, you think “Ok, I’ll just run to class and let this person cross.”
Unknowingly, you have just released the worst nemesis to your being on time to class.
True Story:
The other day I was trying to make a right turn and 2 bitches crossing the road took so long that by the time they finished crossing the light had already turned twice and the cars on the other side of the road were turning left into the lane of which I was preparing to turn right.
Now, I didn’t need to go anywhere important, but I STILL wanted to roll the bitches over!
This gone me to thinking:
Man, bitches really walk slow!
How many times have you wanted to stab yourself in the eye if you could make it so that you wouldn’t feel like you were wasting your time because of some bitch that decides that she’s going to walk slower than the average slug?
I’ve come up with 3 instances in which this happens to me CONSTANTLY.
1. The red light
Okay, this is what I was describing earlier. WTF is up with this? Obviously there are people waiting for you… Why can’t you just hurry your ass up and cross the damn road! Sometimes I’ve seen them look at me with an EVIL look in their eyes like they KNOW that I’m going to be late. FUCK YOU BITCH! I’m in a car! Next time I’ll run your fat ass over!
2. The narrow road
Is there some unwritten rule that if there are 2 or more bitches together that they have to take up the whole fucking sidewalk/walkway/etc? What the fuck is up with that shit? There should be a law about leaving a passing lane to get around slow ass bitches! the worst is when you’re trying to go around them discreetly, and regardless of which side you walk to, they always seem to be 1 up on you and they all kind of drift to that side. FUCK YOU BITCH! I wish I had a car to run you over!
3. When you’re really really late
You know what I hate the most? When you run into someone and they decide that they want to talk to you, so they start walking with you, but they walk at half the speed in which you were already going. COME ON. Use some common courtesy! If you’re going to already hinder someone with your talking, at LEAST have the courtesy to fucking walk as fast as them.
This also goes for people when we’re in big groups, too! Like when you’re late to a movie and you’re in a big group and bitches are whining because we’re gonna be late, but they’re not walking any faster. WALK FASTER BITCH! You’re the reason we’re gonna be late!
———–
*SIGH of relief* Ok I just had to say that. But seriously, I know you probably think I’m a dick and I know that I have on occasion walked slowly, as well… BUT! Barring ridiculously short legs, and really uncomfortable shoes, or if you’re just taking a walk in the park or something, there’s no reason that you should be walking slower than an elephant with a toe problem.
Moral of today’s story:
WALK FASTER, BITCHES!
Love,
Kim
shitlinks:[x] [x] [camville] [camwhores]
January 27, 2005 at 4:14 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
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Click to go straight to most recent edits
Mad libs!
Create my day!
I woke up this morning completely ___adj___. I looked around for clothes to put on and get ready for the day. But before I changed my clothes, I decided to ____v____, because there’s nothing like something inside of you to get the day going.
I finally got to class and suffered all the way through. After all this work, I felt a little ____adj___ and decided to go get some ____n____. After ___v___-ing for so long that I could barely stand, I decided that I wanted to play with my ____n____. Four hours later, I was still playing with my ____n____, but I was all sweaty and my fingers were beginning to hurt, so I stopped.
What a great day.
//begin madlib intermission
Product of the day: USB Vibrator
Matrix USB Vibrator (Matrix USB) Presenting the computer powered Matrix Vibe. Become one with your computer as you plug and play your Matrix Vibe into your USB port with the included USB cable.
Reach orgasmic heights as your body pulsates through 10 different speeds and sensations, all at the touch of your finger. No batteries required. Feel the power.
PC and Mac compatible.
Category: Female Stimulators, Vibrators
//EDIT// Supposedly, this vibrator is able to be controlled by remote computers. Meaning if you are having cam sex or CYBER SEX with someone they can control it! So crazy, can you imagine? Zzt… Zt..zt…ZZzzZzzZt… from halfway around the world?
EDIT!
You’ve seen the USB vibrator, now due to popular demand (this goes out to you, minho), here is the USB DILDO for your sexual pleasure!
Wow. It just doesn’t stop getting better.
//END EDIT//
//end madlib intermission
My Madlib
I woke up this morning completely rested. I looked around for clothes to put on and get ready for the day. But before I changed my clothes, I decided to eat, because there’s nothing like something inside of you to get the day going.
I finally got to class and suffered all the way through. After all this work, I felt a little hungry and decided to go get some food. After eating for so long that I could barely stand, I decided that I wanted to play with my gamecube. Four hours later, I was still playing with my gamecube, but I was all sweaty and my fingers were beginning to hurt, so I stopped.
What a great day.
What did you come up with?
E-mail me or leave a comment with your madlib!
Love,
Kim
shitlinks:[x] [x] [camville] [camwhores]
January 27, 2005 at 2:07 am · Filed under Rigamarole
The Demise of the Internet
Go ahead, ask me why I mourn.
I mourn the loss of good writing to the low attention span of the masses.
I mourn the loss of individuality to names that are superceeded by “xanga” or “livejournal” and preceeded by “blogspot”.
I mourn for you, and I mourn for me, the death of intellect, replaced shadows of creativity.
I mourn the loss of good writing.
When I first started reading blogs I was amazed and impressed by the quality of a lot of the pages that I found. Pages like http://www.littleyellowdifferent.com target=”_blank”>Little, Yellow, Different, pages like http://www.girlsareweird.com target=”_blank”>Girls are weird, pages that are gone now, like Super Hyper Demon Child, Cynicworld, and so many others whose writing called to me and showed me, taught me something new every day.
So much great writing. So little time.
Seeing these encouraged me to write well. And doing so, made me realize this:
It takes only a little bit of effort to make a piece of writing enjoyable to others.
What bothers me the most isn’t the fact that there are LESS good, interesting, funny, witty bloggers on the internet these days. Because, truth be told, there are many more now that the Internet is so widespread.
What bothers me is the amount of bullshit I have to go through to find that one gem in the dirt.
There is so much bullshit that is everywhere
January 26, 2005 at 5:06 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
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Nothing to say for today except..
Appreciate life.
Love,
Kim
shitlinks:[x] [x] [camville] [camwhores]
January 25, 2005 at 3:56 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
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//EDIT: Changed the “newflame” picture. Added movement!
//EDIT 2: Added a bunch of content on the bottom!
Socially Correct Greetings
While walking down the ring road on the UCI Campus, I often run into a lot of people that I’ve met throughout the past four years of my college existance.
Now, being the awkward social worm I am, the question always arises in my mind as I see the person I know coming towards me –
What the fuck am I going to do?
Do I say hi? Do I look away? What the hell?!.. Social anxiety grips me as I rush to decide what to do. 
.
Though I have a lot of social anxiety, I’ve realized that I DO have a lot of common habits that I slip into, depending on the type of person that I’m approaching.
So here it is, my list:
Kim’s Socially Correct Greetings
for the people you know when you’re passing them in public
(Use with caution. I’m a social retard.)
1. The ex-friend
The friend that you used to hang out with a long time ago but for some reason you stopped chillin with because of a difference, or you guys just drifted apart. This is also the category for those people that you run in the same circles with but don’t really like.
You always, ALWAYS promise that you guys will hang out sometime, even though it will never happen.
2. That person you see around all the time
The person you see around all the time but you don’t know their name and you don’t quite remember where you met them. You probably had a conversation with them once before, but you really can’t be sure about it.
For this occasion, I usually give them a tight lipped smile, a kind of baring of my teeth, hope they don’t stop me and keep walking.
3. Club Member
I know this doesn’t apply to a lot of you, but I’m pretty active in a community service club on campus.
I usually try to say something club related and make sure that they know I remember them.
4. The (dreaded) old flame
That person you had something with and never quite got over. Usually something ended badly.
For this occasion, you should use avoidance as much as possible.
This situation often ends with me IMing that person the same night saying, “I saw you on campus today!”
And the other person saying “Oh! You should have said hi”.
We both know it’s a lie.
5. The new flame
The person that you’re currently with.
There’s always time in your day to stop and have a chat with the person in your life.
6. Close Friend
This is reserved only for the closest of friends, and those you are really comfortable with.
I don’t know about you, but for the people I really like, I generally hump, grab their titties or do my special “secret handshake” (it involves a lot of touching..use your imagination).
So there you have it folks, how to greet people on the street as you’re passing them. Have I covered everything? Probably not! So, if you can think of other types of people that you end up running into when you’re in public, and you’re not sure how to deal with it, leave a comment and I’ll add it to my list!
On another note, check out this sinfest comic! They use the words “Madpimp” in it! How PIMP is that?
//Add: I just found out I got featured content on xanga! Pretty happy about it… In fact, I’m so happy that a lot of people are going to be here today, I’d like to plug my friend Vinh! He entered a photo contest for Jones Soda and he desperately needs your vote to get his picture on the side of a bottle!
Vote for Vinny!!.
Also, HUUUGE happy birthday to DARRELL aka Duh-RELL Cream That’s right ladies.. This bag of manliness is sure to make you cream.
Love,
Kim
shitlinks:[x] [x] [camville] [camwhores]
January 24, 2005 at 5:02 am · Filed under Rigamarole
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//edit — I linked Lohan Freestyle incorrectly in my post! Sorry for the inconvenience.
//edit part 2 — Holy crap! Only 2 hours after I posted this I found this: Someone quoting me on this. Crazy!
What’s your pleasure?
What are the most primal urges in the body? — Everything that it takes to survive and continue our species. Hunger and Lust.
Hunger I will discuss another day. For today, I want to talk about lust.
Why do I consider lust such a primal urge? 1. All mammals must do it. 2. It makes me go gaga.
Below, I am listing the top 10 body parts on a human being (5 male, 5 female) that cause me to say “Yum.”
Top 5 Female Parts
5. Lips: Hell yeah! have you ever seen Angelina Jolie? SHIT. That shit is hot. I like chickies with thick, sexy lips.
4. Ass: The ass has to be bangin’. Most asian chicks got no ass, but I like something firm and round yet juicy like a fruit.
3. Legs: Nothing like nice long legs to wrap around you huh? Hot. I especially like really high heeled shoes.
2. Face: If the chick ain’t got a hot face, might as well have nothing at all. She’s got to be easy to look at, at least.
1. TITTIES
: YEEY-YUH! The best body part in the female body, the titties!! SHIT! They’re hot! Nothing like two squishy buns in your face! Speaking of which, Lindsey Lohan has big ass titties.
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Top 5 Male Parts
5. Back/Shoulders: A firm, broad, strong back is very sexy to me. Perhaps because I have rather delicate shoulders, it represents a certain strength and virility that for me says “man”. HOLLA!
4. Lips: Doesn’t really matter what the shape/size is, as long as its fitting to your face… It’s more of the way that they move, part, work, that changes a pair of lips from “eh” to sensual… Especially when he uses them for things other than talking.
3. Hands: Hands that are deft and adept in handling and skill are a huge turn on. It’s an indication of how he will handle things…elsewhere. 
2. Chest: Same as the back/shoulders, I like a broad, strong chest that can support me. Also, I like a guy that’s strong enough to carry me where i need to go. That’s so damn hot. I like to play with a guy’s nipples.
1. The V
The V is circled in the picture to the left. Okay, this is seriously, THE MONEY. Nothing turns me on more than that line that points down to your naughty parts saying “Hi! Look here!” Definately, the hottest body part on a guy.
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So there you have it! The results are in, the hottest body parts are the V(male) and the Titties(female). Disagree? Have another body part that’s better? Leave me a comment stating your argument, and I might just change my mind!
What are your favorite body parts?
Ever feel like you’re just fishing for replies? This comic is for you.
Once again, from one of my favorite comic strips, Diesel Sweeties.
I’m a rocker. I rock out.
I saw this guy’s hair and had to take a picture. When he asked why, I told him it was for my webpage. Anyone know who this guy is? He’s pretty cute.
To see my complete photo collection of events Click Here.
EXTRA EXTRA! Read all about it! I am the official Cam Girl for
CAKALUSA, 2005. Awesome. Go leave him a message telling him how great I look.
This entire entry was totally random. I love it.
Love,
Kim
shitlinks:[x] [x] [camville] [camwhores]
January 22, 2005 at 6:40 am · Filed under Rigamarole
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Soulmates
a letter to my (future?) Soulmate
Dear Soulmate,
Have we met yet? Are our paths crossed? Will they ever? Every day, I wonder if you are already close to me or if you are some non-being yet to exist in my bubble of knowledge.
I’ve been waiting for you for a long time. If you know me, you should show yourself soon, I am getting tired of waiting. Of course… If you really are my soulmate, and I believe you are, then I am just being silly and impatient.
Soulmate, maybe you haven’t come out yet because you don’t know me well enough. –Have you run away because you know me too well? I want to know all about you, and yet a part of me wonders if the mystery is more romantic.
Is there only one of you out there, or do you have a twin brother or sister that you can introduce me to? If you know, please tell me, because I have been feeling a little lonely lately.
I saw the movie “You’ve got mail” the other day. The part where Meg Ryan was supposed to meet with Tom Hanks at a coffee shop, she has a flower as an indicator, a symbol, of who she is. Will you be holding a rose too? In a coffee shop?
How will I know who you are from all the other people in the world?
Are you just like me, or are you my opposite and compliment in every way?
I thought I found you once. I really did. You were beautiful, and you smiled at me, and you said everything I wanted to hear. You made me laugh, and you made me feel beautiful, you made me feel so complete, even though you were never mine.
It wasn’t really you, though. It was just somebody with your mask on.
Dear Soulmate, are you happy right now? I hope you are, I would never want you to be sad or hurt, even if I haven’t met you yet.
Dear Soulmate, whether you’re my best friend, or somebody from the other side of the world, please let our meeting as soulmates be special. Please let it be wonderful. I know my eyes will fill with tears of happiness even if it’s not a perfect moment, because when I find out who you are, I don’t think that anything can dampen the elation I will feel.
Dear Soulmate, I know I will love you with all my heart, and I can’t wait for us to fall for each other in a way that is not like falling at all but is more like flying above all others, being next to each other, holding each other, helping each other.
I can’t wait.
Love,
Kim
shitlinks:[x] [x] [camville] [camwhores]
January 22, 2005 at 6:19 am · Filed under Rigamarole
Soulmates
a letter to my (future?) soulmate
Dear Soulmate,
Have we met yet? Are our paths crossed? Will they ever? Every day, I wonder if you are already close to me or if you are some non-being yet to exist in my bubble of knowledge.
I’ve been waiting for you for a long time. If you know me, you should show yourself soon, I am getting tired of waiting. Of course… If you really are my soulmate, and I believe you are, then I am just being silly and impatient.
Soulmate, maybe you haven’t come out yet because you don’t know me well enough. –Have you run away because you know me too well? I want to know all about you, and yet a part of me wonders if the mystery is more romantic.
Is there only one of you out there, or do you have a twin brother or sister that you can introduce me to? If you know, please tell me, because I have been feeling a little lonely lately.
I saw the movie “You’ve got mail” the other day. The part where Meg Ryan was supposed to meet with Tom Hanks at a coffee shop, she has a flower as an indicator, a symbol, of who she is. Will you be holding a rose too? In a coffee shop?
How will I know who you are from all the other people in the world?
Are you just like me, or are you my opposite and compliment in every way? I thought I found you once. I really did. You were beautiful, and you smiled at me, and you said everything I wanted to hear. You made me laugh, and you made me feel beautiful, you made me feel so complete, even though you were never mine.
It wasn’t really you, though. It was just somebody with your mask on.
Dear Soulmate, are you happy right now? I hope you are, I would never want you to be sad or hurt, even if I haven’t met you yet.
Dear Soulmate, whether you’re my best friend, or somebody from the other side of the world, please let our meeting as soulmates be special. Please let it be wonderful. I know my eyes will fill with tears of happiness even if it’s not a perfect moment, because when I find out who you are, I don’t think that anything can dampen the elation I will feel.
With love, your (future) Soulmate.
January 20, 2005 at 4:28 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
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I’m lovin’ tit!
Last night I was talking to this guy, and he came up with the best idea for a t-shirt, EVER. Period.
So I decided to design it — check it out!… This is what I call, HELL YEAH.
Really, this guy is a freakin’ GENIUS!
Preorders, anybody?
Love,
Kim
shitlinks:[x] [x] [camville] [camwhores]
January 19, 2005 at 2:01 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
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I need to tell you a story…
The Significance of K
an almost autobiography written in fictional form
about a life filled with hypocrisies and overindulgence
|– to the kiddies – drugs are bad, stay away from them! –|
I’m lost again, inside my head. That voice is back, the voice I know is me, but is not me because it gives me thoughts unbidden that I don’t want to hear. ‘You hate yourself,’ it whispers, ‘you need to end yourself. You’re nothing, and you need to die.’ How tantalizing. Almost wistfully, I think about the full bottle of codeine on my desk at home.
“Is it ready yet?” I say, impatiently, the voice in my head beginning to nag harder.
He is cooking, and it will be a while yet. I hunger, salivate, for what is on that plate. There is nothing else.
I wait. The voice is still there, but is ebbing into a dull background static as I concentrate on the boiling liquid.
I sniffle. My nose is completely stuffed, and I remember the real reason for the codeine. The food is almost done and I can’t partake. Inhaling through my nose as hard as I can, I manage to loosen the thick mucus from one nostril. It feels chunky and tastes slightly bitter as it glides down the back of my throat.
He tells me it is done. I breathe.
I breathe in freedom.
I breathe in rebellion.
I breathe in strength.
I breathe in happiness.
I breathe in life.
I pause. I cannot breathe anymore… and yet I must, because I need more. Just a little bit more, I need to breathe. I need to live.
Slightly lightheaded from the deep inhalations, I lay down on the carpet and rest my head on striped pillows. I look at the clock. 1:09 AM. The smell of life trickles down my nasal passage, and the taste of rebellion prickles my tongue.
Time stops.
Time flies.
I’m being stretched, like a rubber band – or more like a piece of saltwater taffy on a rollercoaster ride. I am going to break, I am going to break, being stretched in this dark tunnel of no escape. And then I’m there.
I’ve arrived. Where am I? I am in a house with nothing. I am in a house with everything. The walls are thick, but they are completely made out of glass. I still cannot see through them.
Someone is talking, and I’m responding, but they are not responding to my response. I cannot speak. The darkness is coming closer, and is about to take me away.
Time stops.
Time flies.
I’m being stretched, like a rubber band – or more like a piece of saltwater taffy on a rollercoaster ride. I am going to break, I am going to break, being stretched in this dark tunnel of no escape. And then I’m there.
Where am I? I am in an amusement park full of beautiful lights. I am not a patron of this park, but rather a spiritual being that glides over and around the curves of the park, up and down over the roller coasters and Ferris wheels faster than the fastest speeding bullet.
Time stops.
Time flies.
I open my eyes and I see striped pillows. Someone has thrown a blanket over my limp body. I look at the clock. 1:23. It has been an eternity since I left. It has been 14 minutes since I left.
I open my eyes. My mind is clear, the voice is gone, and I know it will be for days. Months, if I get to breathe often. Years, if I can keep breathing always.
But no, I cannot continue like that. I’m breathing too much, too fast, too hard. I need to slow down. Stopping would mean death. I’ve stopped breathing.
Help me. I want to breathe again.
Once again, on a totally different note… this sums up my day…
from one of my favorite comics, diesel sweeties
Love,
Kim
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