Friday March 4, 2005 at 07:27 am

March 4, 2005 at 3:27 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

Mirrored from madpimp.com
New phobia!

For those of you that know me, you know that I have a lot of weird quirks. For those of you that don’t know me… Let me tell you, I have a lot of weird quirks.

For example – I absolutely detest people who touch me on the neck from behind — especially as a surprise “massage” or as a “what’s up” or ANYTHING like that. It freaks me out like no other. I was seriously mad at a friend of mine for weeks just because he surprised me that way. Yeah — don’t touch my neck if you can help it.

Next, I’m completely terrified of going down stairs. Especially in the dark. Unless I’m in a hurry, I like to hold on to the rail and look at every single step before I get down. It freaks me out! I hate that shit. Once, I was walking down a flight of stairs in a house, and my friend turned off all the lights and I just stood in the middle of the stairs and started to cry. HA! I’m such a freak.

I hate lighting fires. This probably has to do with the fact that I burned my eyelid (still got a scar) with an incense stick at the age of 5 while praying. Ok, somehow kim= no motor skills. I was bowing down and didn’t bow down the incense at the same time. LAME! But, though the wound faded I still hate lighting fires like no other. At least with matches and lighters. I’m ok with those gas? propane? powered thingies that look like little fire guns, where it’s controllable and the fire is well away from my fingers.

So I guess it shouldn’t surprise me — but today I discovered not for the first time that I am absolutely and completely terrified of the sight of blood.

Especially my own.

Today I was at the doctor’s to get a checkup because I’ve been feeling ultra fatigued ever since I got sick. She said it might be the sick, but better take some blood tests to make sure nothing’s wrong with me (cross your fingers for cancer!). Anyhow, so I ended up having to take a blood test, which I haven’t since September.

Last time I had a chatty lady who talked to me for about half an hour before drawing my blood for a ridiculously long period of time and left a bruise the size of a quarter on my inner arm. I was so weak afterwards that i just sat there for like 5 minutes.

For today, I had an old asian guy who told me to sit still and look the other way. Within 1 minute it was over! Somehow he had taken 4 vials from my arm without me even noticing. However, this time along with the shakiness of the experience I ended up turning to see 4 vials of my own blood just laying around on the table next to me.

I thought I was going to scream… or puke.. or a little bit of both.

I really need to be less weak minded. I’m still shaky now and it’s been 45 minutes since the whole ordeal. At least there’s barely a bruise this time. –Is it normal to bruise after getting your blood drawn?

Also, is it normal to be afraid of so many things?

P.S. Lately I’ve been doing a lot of artwork.. Who thinks I should post some up? It’s kind of not my stee-lo to post up actual art not stick figures, but if you’re curious add an “oh kim, you’re such a bunghole” at the end of your comment. Thanks. Toodles!

P.P.S. This was too funny not to post:

hey~ i have a weird phobia too EVERYONE makes fun of me for it… i have a button phobia… I CANT TOUCH THEM!! its so gross to me iono why i dont like how they look n i dont like how they feel ew ew my frend said someday hes gonna collect a buncha buttons and dump them on me while im sleepin…i would have a breakdown… “oh kim you’re such a bunghole” Posted 3/4/2005 at 12:32 PM by acchan_the_turtle – delete – block user

Comments (49)

Wednesday March 2, 2005 at 02:43 pm

March 2, 2005 at 10:43 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

Xanga-only: A Kim-style book review.

2001.11.29

posted by Kim Nguyen at 7:48 PM

Before I start, I’ll tell you now that nothing I’ve tried or am attached to was ever physically addictive besides alcohol. No meth, coke, crack, heroin, whatever. And yet, I still yearn for it. Psychological addictions can be just as dangerous.

Last night at the book store I picked up a book in the Teen section [what was I doing there?] with the huge title “CRANK” on the front and nothing else. I said to myself, “This can’t really be about crank”… but the way the letters were written in powder on the cover… I knew before I even opened it what it was about.

The first chapter
(i dont think i have the formatting right, but i’ll fix it as soon as i get my hands on the book) :

Life was good
before I
met
the monster.
After,
life
was great.
At
least
for a little while.

The story, written in disjointed, almost poetic, verse form took me through a journey of a downward spiral after she meets the “monster”, crank itself.

There are descriptions in this book that shook me to the bone.

They touched me and reminded me of feelings I thought I left. And even as I read the book, as I read about her sniffing her life away through a cut straw, I felt my sinuses twinge, taunting me about what I will never have again.

Funny, this book is to ward people AWAY from drugs.

This book is a amazing, and I feel so lucky to have mistakely come across it, to have bought it on a whim, to have read it in a whirlwind of 2 hours. It spoke to me, it called to me, it soothed me, and it lit me on fire.

For those whose lives have never been affected by drugs, this book will show you in so many words why you should stay away from them…

For those whose lives have been affected by drugs yet have never experienced them, maybe give you a better understanding about why people do… And make the blaming and accusing eyes you give them a little bit softer.

For those whose lives have been affected by drugs and have lived through them, experienced them to the bone — this book will take you back to those times, those swirling nights and days and nights and nights and more nights. And at the end, you will be thankful that those nights have not darkend your life the way it has the people in this book.

And for those of you who are still in that life… Read it, and see what may be.

——

I need a drink. Patron anyone?

——
More exerpts from the book:

No Time Like That First Time

Fire!
Your nose ignites,
flameless kerosene
(and, some say, Drano)
laced with ephedrineyou want to cry
powdered demons bite
through cartilage and sinuses
take dead aim at your
brain, jump inside
want to scream

troops of tapping feet
fall into rhythm,
marking time, right
between your eyes
get the urge to dance

louder, louder, ultra
gray-matter power,
shock waves of energy
mushroom inside your head
you want to let go

detonate
annihilate barriers,
bring down the walls,
unleashing floodwaters,
freeing long-captive dreams
to ride the current

through
arteries and capillaries,
pushing, rushing,
raging torrents
pounding against your heart
sweeping you away.

Comments (30)

Wednesday March 2, 2005 at 02:05 pm

March 2, 2005 at 10:05 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

Xanga-Only (aren’t you the special ones?)
I know I know, valentine’s day is over… I wrote this a long time ago and never had the courage to post it. Hope you enjoy.

Can love be for friends?

When I was much younger, I had a friend that I thought would be my friend forever. We did a lot together, and we pretty much always got along with each other really well. One day she was no longer my friend.

I don’t really remember what happened anymore… but I remember crying many nights because she was gone. All attempts to rekindle our relationship were halfhearted and shallow. Our friendship was never the same, and we will never again be the way we once were (at least the way I thought we were… She may have felt differently about me.)

I’ve been thinking about this recently. When I review the facts, it sounds almost exactly the way I would have reacted towards a boyfriend or a significant other of some sort. Even now, when I think about her, a certain fondness arises in my heart, along with some pain and regret.

Did I love her as a friend? I don’t doubt that at one point in time she was closer in my heart than any sibling I ever had. The sad part is that it’s been at least 3 years since the last time I talked to her, and at least 5 years since the last time I really spoke to her.

Why am I not over this yet?… Which brings me to my next question….

Do you fall out of love?

I’ve been accused of being unable to let go of old flames. People have told me that they feel like I’ve never gotten over my past loves, and therefore cannot move on to new ones. However, this is not the way I see it.

I believe that once you really fall in love with someone, that feeling will never go away. You will always have moment at which you fall in love with someone. The memories that you hold of that person, and the things you thought of them, and the feelings you have towards them at that moment, will always be the same. That love doesn’t fade because the past cannot be changed.

The past can be tainted by actions and words later on in the relationship, but for me, once the harshness of those actions and words fade away, only the lovely memories remain, and the love is still there.

I don’t fall out of love, I just learn to accept that a person is not right for me, and never will be.

However, this poses a problem with new potential loves… There are many out there who don’t hold the same feelings as I do, and feel that I need to fall out of love before I can fall back in…. And then, there are others who are understanding and patient with my psychosis… And then, there are those that I can’t share anything with.

How do you feel about love?

—-
Related subjects for the future:
There is no quota for love.
Love for each person is different as the two people themselves.

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