It’s like my MoJo

Only it’s my spunk! What’s wrong with me?? College worries shouldn’t be pulling me down like this! I’m not even there yet! Maybe it’s the company I keep. I don’t know. All I know is that I want my spunk back! Grar!! I want to take sticker pictures every weekend!! I want to run around screaming!! I want to come to school wearing nothing but a smile!… Okay, it’s too cold for that, but you know what I mean..

I just want to be different!… I don’t know.. I guess all this year I’ve been trying my hardest to fit in with everybody… My mom, especially wanted me to start fitting in.. But I think at the same time, I’ve tried to suppress myself too much… In the wrong type of way… I mean.. I can be spontaneous and not be a freako, rai?… Right!… Aish. I don’t know what to do.

And the thing is like… I don’t want to THINK about any of the things I could do spontaneously, beause that would be PLANNING to be spontaneous, which … well… defeats the purpose. Narf.. Sigh..