…Ahh If I have any mental issues

I can now know to blame it wholly on my father. I hate my father, I really do. I love how he treats his children like shit and people who aren’t his children even worse. Like when my half brother came to visit me and my father realised my half brother had snuck away from him to see me and he banned him from our house. Or how I never even knew I had a half brother in the first place until he showed up at my house one day. He’s 27 you know.

Ahh and now I’m 18. Finally rid of him, right? Not. The child support ended… But thus begins the battle for my college. He’s supposed to pay half. I wanted a lump sum of 8,000 per year. HE wants a lump sum of 20,000 for all four years. Ha. What a dad what a dad.$20,000 barely pays for all my car costs (If you count the price of the car, $8,000 + the $2000 a year for the insurance). And that’s supposed to pay half my college for the next four years. Thanks a lot daddy-o. I should have gone to USC like I promised him a long time ago.

Sometimes I just don’t care anymore. You know. He’s getting remarried. Lovely isn’t it. I hope he doesn’t breed. He’ll just create more worthless crap. Haha. I’m ashamed to be half worthless crap. Maybe a whole worthless crap. Sometimes I wonder about myself. Damn. To be torn. Tormented and and wrenched apart from the inside by this insidous link called DNA.

I guess he wasn’t a bad father. To me that is… I mean he didn’t hit me until I bled like he hit my brothers. Well… Once I kind of bled. But that was when I was being born. You see, he kicked my mom in the stomach March 15, 1983. Hey whaddaya know. Lucky day for me I guess — that’s one day before my birthday.

And it’s not like he didnt’ spend time with me… Except… Most of the time it was on dates with his girlfriends… Of course… Good thing for himand me I didn’t know they were his girlfriends until my parents were about to divorce. I think I would have grown up pretty messed up in the head if I had known.

Sometimes I wish I had someone to talk to. Someone I could just spill my entire heart to. HAhaha. I guess the internet world at large will have to do for now. This just doesn’t have that wonderful feeling of intimacy yanno. Ahh wells. Maybe one day. One day one day.

Sadder than the ugly puppy @ the pound

Me.