It’s one of those posts where I write about what I did today. Of course, it’s 9 AM, so I have TONS of things to say. This is dedicated to Michelle.

I woke up this morning. Yeah! Can you believe it. I really did. And then I considered going to Wal-Mart. Or was it Wal-Greens? Maybe it was Target. But now I’m kind of scared of going there because a display might fall down on me and I might get crushed and die and then I wouldn’t be able to blog anymore. So then I forgot about it and I rolled over and went back to sleep. Got woken up (like I do every morning) by my mom singing loudly, walking nakedly into the backyard for her daily dip in the jacuzzi. Yeah. We have a jacuzzi. Into which I’m not allowed to dip because I haven’t showered yet today. Oh well. That’s beyond the point.

So what was I writing about? Oh yes. What I did today. When I finally dragged myself out of bed, smelling like drool and other nasty things, I took a pee. YES! A pee. Now, unlike a guy, I pee sitting down. Sometimes, this is beneficial. Because right when I was peeing, I felt a poo coming on. So I didn’t have to do anything, change positions (or even stop peeing!)… I just pooed my day away and that was that. It was beautiful.

And then… The most unbelievable thing happened. I got on the computer… AND I GOT EMAIL!! HOLY CRZAAAPPPP. But it turned out to be pornmail. Who knew?! It seemed so innocent. “Barley Leggal Young Men”. Whatever Barely Leggal is anyhow.

So yes. That’s the excitement of my morning. WHAT A CRAZY LIFE I LEAD! And it’s only 9AM. HOHOHO. I have the entire day ahead of me.