I wonder how people remember thmselves as little kids. I remember myself as a pretty prissy little kid. I remeber i always had to have the newest fasions. I always had to have my hair done every morning by my mom. I chilled with both the rival cool groups at my school. I was cool. I was a brat.

When middle school came along things began to change. Suddenly I was in such a big environment. The school was so much bigger, there were so many new kids… And then suddenly this thing hit me — puberty. It made me feel giddy whenever I saw the boy I liked. It made it feel good whenever I touched myself there. I didn’t understand any of it. I was confused. I was scared. I thought I was a freak. I guess I was… too. I was voted WEIRDEST of my 8th grade class. In middle school, I was confused.

High school was much the same thing, though I didn’t want to admit that to myself. I was still confused.. but about other things. I began to wonder why I was so different from everyone else. Why I couldn’t assimilate into any cliques anymore the way I did when I was little. Why I wans’t cute and fasionable anymore. Why I was suddenly some kind of freak. I wondered why I had so much acne and I wondered why I was so ugly. I hated myself and I hated the way everyone treated me. I hated most of my so-called friends and I hated living.

How will I remember my college years? I’ll probably remember my freshman year as being really fun. The first time I truly partied with anybody in my life. The first time I was accepted as who I was, weirdness, quirkiness and all. The first time somebody real and tangible actually understood me. The first time I realized that most people are just as fucked up as I am, just in different ways.

Incidentally, I love nyquil.