i find myself censoring more and more from this place. i feel as if i’m becoming more vague, saying more, yet less at the same time. I want to be able to share all the feelings that have been going through me lately, but I can’t. I can try, though.

—

I know I’ve been talking about an inner struggle with myself a lot lately. I feel helpless to stop it and I feel at odds with myself almost constantly. There are moments when I feel uncharacteristically good, and there are days that sometimes go by where I don’t feel anything at all.

And then suddenly something will trigger a surge of emotions. Anger, hate, resentment, sadness, depression — any of them, all of them. Always negative. Making me more and more pessimistic as the time goes on.

Somehow, I can laugh over it. Somehow my smiles hide it. Somehow, I keep plodding on.