My desease. Perhaps it’s spreading, or perhaps I never noticed it before because I was never aware until lately that it is something I posess. Or maybe I just never had a chance to posess it before.
What is this elusive ‘it’? It’s the thing from which most of my troubles erupt — My lack of self control. I see it everywhere lately — the way my room gets messy even when I swear up and down that I will stay clean. The way that I still go out even though I know I should be at home doing work. All the time I spend dillydallying and stressing out about shit when I could just be DOING it.
I thought it was only relavent to my relationships with people — but now I realize that it’s a long and never ending pattern in my daily life, in everything I do, in everything I touch. My school work, my relationships, my emotions, everything.
They say that recognition and admition of a problem is the first step in solving a problem — then how come it feels as if I would have been happier blissfully ignorant of my flaws? — How come it feels as if denying everything will make things easier?
At the same time, I suppose now I’ll always know that particular flaw in the back of my mind — now I can never completely run away from it. Bleh.
Sounds familiar.
can’t sag em. HAhahahA