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Bi Polar disorder

October 8, 2005 at 12:27 am · Filed under Rigamarole

Dealing with depression and bi polar disorder is a tricky thing. You’re so dependent on the people around you yet you can’t be around anybody a lot of the time.

And then there’s the fact that so many people don’t even believe that depression is anything but laziness and excuses.

During my middling moments I could probably see that. And during my manic moments when I have to be doing something all the time and can only stand to sleep for a couple hours a night I can see that.

But during those downer moments, I know, no matter how hard I try, no matter what the risks, I won’t get out of bed. I open my eyes only to wish that life would stop for a while. Or if I could stop.

How do you try harder when you’re spending all your energy just for the courage to continue living?

I’m considering writing about this in a more public forum, aka my Xanga. Not sure about the response I’ll get, but I think mental ‘conditions’ are things that are looked upon with a lot of ignorance.

scleex88 said,

October 8, 2005 @ 11:28 pm

Wow. I didn’t know you went through that type of struggle. Many don’t completely understand the seriousness of depression. Along with the Bi-polar disorder and man, life must be tough for you. I wish the best of you with your struggles.. seems really tough, but think positive of the tough situation you’re in. I’m sure you can think of the positives in Life that is worth living for. =)

_sc.

tim said,

October 9, 2005 @ 9:31 am

I just stumbled here from your xanga. Love the whole alter-ego idea.

But I just wanted to say, from being someone who knows depression very well, I don’t think it’s even possible to make it without company. I know I wouldn’t be here typing, if it weren’t for one truly great friend. And I know, it sometimes comes down to the point where you just want to give up on life, but it is during these moments that you need to reach out for someone you know who will help get you through it.

Life wasn’t meant to be experienced alone, because what’s the point of living if you can’t share it with anyone?

Miss C said,

October 10, 2005 @ 8:41 am

Besides those ignorant people, if you put it on your xanga, you might be reaching out to someone who’s in the same situation as you. Mental health isn’t something that’s talked about nearly enough; it’s everybody’s dirty little secret. By starting up conversation, perhaps it won’t be so “dirty.”

eho said,

October 10, 2005 @ 8:52 pm

Psychiatry doesn’t exist. So says Darth Cruise.

betty said,

February 6, 2006 @ 12:38 pm

I figure it would be better if I commented on your blogger instead of xanga. Since most of the responses doesn’t seem as serious. I’ve always admired your talent and have read your xanga entries since forever. (sorry to sound stalkerish) I just wanted to tell you, I have great respect for you. I always felt you were the part of me that I wish I was.

Anways…

Just recently, I have discovered I am bipolar. Yesterday, I completely lost it but my bf just sat there and let my cry on his shoulders for *absolutely no reason* at all knowing how maniac I can be. Just recently have I accepted that I am bipolar. Sometimes I feel it’s so difficult to concentrate on anything, particulary school. I would sit there to try to be productive but I get really distracted, badly. I’m trying so hard to not get kicked out of this school I’ve struggled so hard to get into but it’s so hard coping with this condition. For four months I couldn’t sleep, in order for me to function I needed exactly 2 hours of sleep now I need at least 6 hours. My depression have been on and off. It gets really bad. Your entry just explains how well I can relate. So.. sorry to make this long but I just wanted to tell you that you’re not the only one.

Well. Hope your days are brighter. :) The weather over here is cold and rainy which tends to make anyone’s mood damp. Take care!

Heather said,

February 26, 2006 @ 4:35 pm

Hey, I like your blog. I’m bi-polar too and I was looking for blogs by other people with bi-polar disorder. I know what you mean by needing the people around you. I’m alone right now and I feel like I’m loosing my mind! You can check out my blog if you want. My user name is rayshaurnsgirl, my name is Heather, and I named my blog Crazy. Feel free to check in anytime! Or feel free to e-mail me at heatherannashlee@Yahoo.com.

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