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Friday April 21, 2006 at 11:35 am

April 21, 2006 at 6:35 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

drugs.

i never realized i was addicted to k…

until the very moment i realized i’m not addicted anymore.

a bit scary [my past], and somewhat gratifying at the same time.

to know that i can have a future without it.

with love,

kim.

i’m in the mood to share something personal.

as an explanation, because i guess i should give one… to start, i’d like to say: i’ve been mostly clean for quite some time now. oh yeah, that and i’ve never done meth, crack, coke or heroin. just ketamine.

there’s this book i have called ‘crank’, it’s a book written with prose in poetic form… really awesome.

the last time i read it, there was a part describing the feeling of snorting, and i swear, every time i read that part, i was on fire — the urge, a surge of need.

today, i re-read the book, got to that part and felt nothing. not even the tiniest sense of longing.

and i realized…

that’s not what i want anymore, and that’s not who i am anymore. and you know what? i’m fine with that. there’s better things in life than being numb all the time.

the longing inside that i have for something to dull my senses isn’t completely gone… i will probably still drink myself into a stupor one of these days… but i’m not addicted to k anymore.

which is a surprising confession from someone who was never addicted in the first place.

what are things about yourself that you hate to admit?

AznBoy659 said,

April 21, 2006 @ 11:39 am

RANDOM PROPS. i
HOPE YO0H HAVE A NiCE DAY!

_[ERiC]

davidngo said,

April 21, 2006 @ 11:44 am

“K”…
i hope you don’t mean “special k”, the street drug ketamine.
perhaps you just mean being addicted to “kim”. 
either way, glad you broke the addiction.

CaKaLusa said,

April 21, 2006 @ 11:58 am

kleenex.

abeyance said,

April 21, 2006 @ 12:04 pm

Yeah, it’s kind of strange with me though… everytime I read, hear, see something drug-related, something clicks in my mind. D: It’s so odd… and never have I been near drugs. It’s weird.Well, I’m glad for you.

xtenstarsonsticksx said,

April 21, 2006 @ 12:11 pm

I’d love to do drugs. Honestly.. who wouldn’t? But the people who don’t, like me, have reasons why they shouldn’t.I know it’s not for me.. and not who I plan to be.

Jeina419 said,

April 21, 2006 @ 12:18 pm

if you feel good now by being ~au natural~ then youve got good things goin for ya. keep up th good feelings!

davidngo said,

April 21, 2006 @ 12:33 pm

drugs are a bad scene.
i’ve never felt the need to dull my senses or feel something other than reality.  there are healthy ways to escape from the problems of your daily life.  there are boundless joys in your own sober, yet vivid imagination and extreme pleasures in natural highs.  i see no need to escape reality or hide myself from the truth of it.  there is much beauty in the world and i want to experience it all, with open eyes.

M_S_T_A said,

April 21, 2006 @ 12:34 pm

Im glad your off that stuff hun. I hate to admit that I might really be pretty. I know that sounds weird but for so long I was never looked at by guys the way some girls are. So I always thought that I was ugly. I still do but I have gotten a little better. I just dont want a guy to say that I am ugly when I felt that I was pretty. Anyway have a great weekend

Aviendahla said,

April 21, 2006 @ 12:37 pm

i hate to admit that i’m addicted to my emotional torment.
but at least it isn’t drugs anymore. for me. there was never anything in particular. i never cared what drug. as long as i didn’t have to think.::shrug.:: it’s funny how some of us just one day realize that we’re over that. for me. i never tried to quit. just one day. i packed my things. moved away. and never looked back. never touched another drug.
glad to hear it’s something you’re past, too.

altoidaddict88 said,

April 21, 2006 @ 12:47 pm

thanks for sharing. glad that you’ve realized how good life can be without ketamine.

bjtdevera said,

April 21, 2006 @ 12:56 pm

i like the way you are now.

mrchinese said,

April 21, 2006 @ 1:30 pm

i’m addicted to kimsun too

aydongbeeleef said,

April 21, 2006 @ 1:43 pm

drugs still make me “happy”

tHexDonStER said,

April 21, 2006 @ 2:42 pm

I don’t think there’s any shame on being hook on xanga.

obsidian_mark said,

April 21, 2006 @ 3:10 pm

Many things, actually. This may seem cliche…but mostly admitting that I’ve failed at something. It’s difficult because you end up not only disappointing yourself, but others as well. My cousin used to try to encourage me by saying that “imperfection is novelty”. So, how do you get back up on the saddle after falling off the horse?

shibBy_kiM said,

April 21, 2006 @ 5:14 pm

landed on your xanga while trying to get to mine. i did some snorting in the past but i’m dead clean now. it’s not a great feeling. esp when it comes back in your throat and you taste it. it’s disgusting… drug free is the way to be` anyways take care

Ssweet_dreemzZ said,

April 21, 2006 @ 6:27 pm

I just recently finished reading Crank. It was a powerful book.

GzeusR said,

April 21, 2006 @ 7:10 pm

boo i heard you came to norcal – not even a “whats up” call – pssh

franksabunch said,

April 21, 2006 @ 7:29 pm

Glad you’ve turned the corner! :-)

gleaming__auction said,

April 21, 2006 @ 7:34 pm

you have read crank? wow that is one of the best boooks i have probly ever read. what did you think of it?

xevious10 said,

April 21, 2006 @ 7:42 pm

I have a friend who is in the situation that you were in… Maybe you can give him some words of encouragement… http://www.xanga.com/zerocrash1114But I must say that moving away from all that is a huge step I hope everything goes well for you in the next year despite all the setbacks and heartbreaks…

Benjermanifestdestiny said,

April 21, 2006 @ 11:19 pm

Haha, maybe ill subscribe from my drug memiors blog. I would allege that someone who looks remarkably like someone who might be mistaken for me may have done every controlled substance available in the past 13 years, to the point of almost dying and losing the use of one’s limbs, and then simply walked away after doing each one as hard as he could because you know what its like, its not going to get better and if you want to try everything at least once, doing this twice is taking away from that.Weed, coke, crack, meth, k, x, huffing, poppers, every scrip trank, heroin, scrip opiates, diet pills, lsd, mesc, roofies… mixing them up in dangerous ways.If you dont do them to the point of near death then you will always wonder later and long to chase the dragon again. If you quit cause everyone around you is going apeshit, you will go back someday. If you just evaluate and choose to stop, you never look back.That in mind, if your curious have at it then! Its your choice, if you die, I wont shed a tear. You chose it after all. Your freind must find her way as she seems to have, intervention prolongs the inevitable. You really could die though, you better accept that. K and meth and poppers is really dangerous one to almost die on… never do something like that, and certainly not for 36 hours non stop! Your liver could just shut down and you wouldnt even know. Drugs are an illusion, illusion prolongs reality crashing back in with interest, euphoria is so easy to achieve naturally. Later you realize you were never actually having fun.

AlExtjAi said,

April 22, 2006 @ 3:00 am

Thats good to hear! When I was younger there was one period I tried “a lot”, I came into contact with people that does bad things a lot (I was in the club business back then). Then at some point I thought to have experienced enough and since then I never touched any drugs any more. I am so amazed that you are so open to it…
Good thing with Ketamine is that if not frequent used it isnt very bad for the body/brain, but isnt it also used as a date rape drug?

ralahinn1 said,

April 22, 2006 @ 3:32 am

I was a “food addict” I wasn’t an anerexic or bulemic(I just grew fat, lol). I fought the battle for years, trying this diet/that diet. I hit my goal weight when I was 17…then married, and it shot up again. Then I learned to accept myself, because part of it is “genetic” and if a person didn’t like me for me, it was their loss. I started giving myself what I wanted when I wanted it. I’d have one cookie when I really wanted it, instead of telling myself “no” and obsessing then eating 5-10 cookies later.Since I learned to accept myself, I have lost over 50 pounds^_^.  right now my only real addictions are the computer and video games;) I have friends who are addicts of drugs and I know how hard it is for them to get and stay clean. Some have been “clean” for a while…a few I think will one day be found dead because of their habit:(. They aren’t ready to give it up yet.(sorry this is long) .

kyleeuin said,

April 22, 2006 @ 3:57 am

I hate to admit I like to watch my exgirlfriends favorite shows

MMbyB said,

April 22, 2006 @ 5:16 am

glad you quit. best of luck to you in staying clean. if you want you can join a support group, so you can help others and they can help you (ok, that sounds cliche, but they really help). i have never been addicted to illigal substances but have plenty of friends who have – coke, meth, x, shrooms, dmt, heroin – you name it, they’ve done it. some are no longer living, others have dropped out of school, but some have reevaluated their life choices and moved on. … sharing something personal: “There is no difference between being rapedand being pushed down a flight of cement stepsexcept that the wounds also bleed inside. There is no difference between being rapedand being run over by a truckexcept that afterwards men ask you if youenjoyed it. “Missoula Rape Poemby Marge Piercyc’est pas ma poeme, mais, je pense que ca decrit les emotions d’un victim de cette situation.

AloofGoof said,

April 22, 2006 @ 8:34 am

that’s good to hear… its always best to get off drugs… they are expensive and aren’t nearly as satisfying as a good piece of meat… no not in the dirty sense I mean like a nice steak ;P

ashunbuggie said,

April 22, 2006 @ 8:43 am

wow. this truly is a personal entry. i’m glad that you are not feeling the long for drugs anymore. things that i hate to admit about myself? my mistakes, sometimes. some think that i’d hate to admit that i’m a fob, but i don’t really think it’s something shameful to admit. i’m a fob and proud. ^^v

tanoshii66 said,

April 22, 2006 @ 9:15 am

I’m glad you’ve realized these things and are able to be the great person you are today. :)  I hate to admit how much the pill controlled my appetite for the 8 months I was on it (I acted like a food junkie and gained almost 20 pounds… it was ridiculous)

sAmMYLoU699201 said,

April 22, 2006 @ 9:54 am

THIS SITE IS GAY

sAmMYLoU699201 said,

April 22, 2006 @ 9:57 am

THATS BECAUSE IM NOT DONE U DUMB ASS

sAmMYLoU699201 said,

April 22, 2006 @ 9:59 am

U R A FREAK SO I WOULD GET A LIFE FLIPPIN ASS

JazzSaxKitten said,

April 22, 2006 @ 10:00 am

I don’t like to admit I’m obsessed with the Mythbusters, but then again I still am. =/

s1LLyAngeL408 said,

April 22, 2006 @ 11:19 am

yay!!drugs are bad. bad! glad you broke the addiction =)

sAmMYLoU699201 said,

April 22, 2006 @ 11:25 am

hey freak u need a new xanga site loseeeerrrrrrrr

V_tv said,

April 22, 2006 @ 12:08 pm

It is good to hear that you have overcome this addiction. Is it not odd, the things that we can imprison ourselves with? Be it a drug, a relationship, a habit; these are all choices that we allow to become our prisons, yet we all have keys to these cells that we sometimes are too weak or afraid to employ. Thankfully, you somehow found the strength to unlock your cell and release yourself again. I hope you find great joy and freedom in this. God bless you.
I hate to admit my own mortality and, due to this, I cannot save everyone.

Stone_the_clergy said,

April 22, 2006 @ 12:38 pm

I hate to admit I dont have control.That there are things I dont understand.And people thaty dont like me.Its hard for me even to bring myself to ride a roller coaster…Because you lose all control.That is why Ive atempted suicide so many times… because it is something i can control….Failing only makes the need worse.and when you jump off a four story building and only break 2 ribs and your ankle… it seems like you cant even successfully hurt yourself…When the gun you paid 300 dollars for… you kept in perfect condition… Jams on the fist bullet you try to fire into your skull… You feel like a failure.

Chiznarles said,

April 22, 2006 @ 1:43 pm

i did k before.. didn’t really like it.. but i think i was addicted to x for a while.

ThatGuy_Matt said,

April 22, 2006 @ 2:12 pm

ketamine
what does it do?
i have friends who do acid and even one who has done coke.
its pretty bad. i try not to hangout w. them that much but.. it would be wrong not to because of that, no?

ccinnamonlips said,

April 22, 2006 @ 3:53 pm

wow what an amazing entry. that was really powerful to read. i did a lot of research on ket for a law studies project. it’s amazing how many names it has, what it does, all of that. so naturally, that’s great that you can feel like you’ve conquered your need for it.
best best best wishes to you.

ch50 said,

April 22, 2006 @ 6:35 pm

i’m PROUD of you. i give you your PROPS!

frizzy_lizzy_badger said,

April 22, 2006 @ 8:18 pm

I have clinical depression and I had a slight drinking problem, despite my age. I never got totally wasted, though. It was just on the weekends I’d have a shot of whiskey to calm me down because I was so tensed up… but thanks to Prozac, I don’t do that anymore. Now I’m addicted to insulting and pissing people off.

Blue_Ginger said,

April 23, 2006 @ 2:59 pm

just passing by – you have acool site..what you are doing for your friend is amazing! hes lucky to haveyou.

OoOohPeTeR said,

April 23, 2006 @ 4:36 pm

i murdered my family, and laughed about it.

miniminx33 said,

April 24, 2006 @ 12:12 pm

i just came across your entry while i was going thru my yahoo mail, good one. i guess one thing im most of the time in denial of is that i ‘fell in love’ with this guy, i know now that entire time i was with him is was just justifying somethings and i guess you could call him an excuse. meh. love. an addiction? or a constriction? anyway have a good day!
x0x0xEli

holychild666 said,

April 24, 2006 @ 12:21 pm

k-holes are the worst….coke and e are nasty also…stick with the natural highs…nothin chemical, if you know what i mean…

alanism said,

April 24, 2006 @ 2:27 pm

i’ve done k twice, both while on ‘e’. fun times, but i never got to experience that k hole thingie.

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