some seem to drift through life with the mentality of “go with the flow”, and somehow they always make it. it seems to me that sometimes the more you try, the more you struggle against what life is giving you, the harder the current becomes, until you find yourself in a whirlpool that you can’t seem to pull yourself out of.

sometimes i feel that go with the flow mentality. it’s so nice, it’s so relaxing — but it opens the heart and soul for more disillusionment and jadedness when it ends. when the mentality falls away like a dead skin, a newer, seemingly thicker more calloused skin appears : a more cynical me.

i don’t think i like it… because though i’m armed with this new, stronger, more durable skin, i feel as if i’m falling in and endlessly dark pit that has no bottom. when the go with the flow mentality disappeared, so did my sense of stability.

what am i doing? who am i really?

i should stop thinking. i need to stop thinking. i’m too busy for self introspection. at least that’s what i’d like to tell myself… but that seems to be what’s most on my mind as of late.

i wonder if this is called changing.