inicio mail me! sindicaci;ón

just because

May 21, 2002 at 12:07 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

Every time I feel upset or sad or whatever, I ask myself, “Why do I feel this way? What’s making me feel like chugging down a bottle of medicine? What’s making me sad?”

There’s always an answer. Because I have no one to turn to. Because I’m not focusing enough on extracurriculars. Because I’m focusing too much on extracurriculars. Because I have too much resposibility. Because I have too little responsibility. Because because because.

What scares me is that a lot of times recently there has been no method to the madness. There’s no ‘because’ — I’m sad just because. Why? I don’t know. Suddenly I’ll just feel that way and there’s nothing I can do to change it. It sucks, yeah? I think so too.

KayKay said,

May 21, 2002 @ 3:58 pm

Yea it sucks, i had that "because" feeling for a while, and usaully i just found relative stuff for my reasons, but after awhile i ran out of reasons, so I also wonderd "why". And yea, for a while i convinced myself I didn’t know why, but i knew, it was mainly because i felt alone and empty, why did i feel like that? that, i didn’t know, so basically is like, you KNOW, but you don’t know? You get it? lol

And I felt like that for a while, but after awhile I sorta figured that maybe because I was so USE to feeling down and sad, I adapted to it, when there was no real reason, so i just tried to think of more positive things, and that really did help. so maybe that could be the case with you? but i highly doubt it lol

But really, try really hard to thik positive, and don’t let those psychiatrist people think your a loony! lol jk

Kris said,

May 21, 2002 @ 4:11 pm

"Every time I feel upset or sad or whatever, I ask myself, "Why do I feel this way? What’s making me feel like chugging down a bottle of medicine?"

What makes you feel not doing it while staring it in the face?

kim said,

May 21, 2002 @ 7:20 pm

what stops me is that i start to think about who might find me and who will be sad and affected if i do go through with it.

i’m afraid one day i’ll stop caring.

Rob said,

May 21, 2002 @ 11:17 pm

Hrmm…. Kim, if ya need to talk, like to a real person aside from sounding off on a blog, I’ll listen.

gina said,

May 22, 2002 @ 1:26 am

spoken like a true life traveler. i felt like i reading something i could have been writing myself, and for you to have shared that feeling makes me feel a little less crazed and a little more human. take care sweetie.

gina said,

May 22, 2002 @ 1:27 am

spoken like a true life traveler. i felt like i was reading something i could have been writing myself, and for you to have shared that feeling makes me feel a little less crazed and a little more human. take care sweetie.

am ee r said,

May 22, 2002 @ 1:42 am

u’re sad cause you haven’t seen me in such a long time… it’s normal for girls your age, but there’s an easy remedy.. hahah

no really. ask why you are happy when you are, there’s no methond, it’s like the weather, predictable overall but not day to day

babysharka said,

May 22, 2002 @ 3:57 am

Oi. I can almost predict your responses.

If I say, "You need someone to talk to? How about me?" you’ll decline the offer. If I say "Get over it, you’re just being sad to get attention" you’ll just think "What’s his problem… whatever," and you’ll still continue to be sad. If I said "You need to start thinking less" it’ll only get you to think more about how to do that. If I say nothing, you’ll still keep thinking that way, and gradually your mood will shift.

So I’ll say nothing, because whatever I say doesn’t really matter. I even preach it: don’t listen to what others tell you to do. I know you’ll get around eventually, even if for a brief moment. And everyone’s comment, including mine, is about as valuable as swatted flies in a tub of orange juice with rotting limes.

I just can’t believe you’d accept all this pity crap. None of us are in any position to impose what we think would help you.

sarah said,

May 22, 2002 @ 6:53 am

i know exactly how you feel. it’s horrible, when you wake up in the morning and just cry for no reason.

sometimes i find the sun helps, sometimes exercise. sometimes it’s good just to cry.

whatever works for you kim. we’ll all still be here on the other side, after you get through this. xx

flobi said,

May 22, 2002 @ 1:07 pm

I have felt the same way in the past. I have found a few things that help. A healty diet sometimes helps me. I think sometimes it’s simply a lack of nutrients. You wouldn’t believe what that will do to your body chemistry.

Sometimes I just need to force myself to see the beauty in things. Like, for instance, a big thunderstorm cloud is comming this way, and instead of focusing on the fact that I will have to run to my car in the rain (because it doesn’t rain enough here to afford an umbrella) if I leave the house or that I will probably want to stay at the house, I try to focus on the fact that I can sit on my porch and watch the beautiful lightning in the distance and listen to the pitterpatter of rain drops on tree leaves.

Count yourself lucky, that you have people listening to you. Some people keep yelling and screaming for anyone to hear them and no one responds…Even if you don’t know us, you can always talk to us through your site. We will listen and I’m sure that would do what we could to help.

Flobi

PS I love what you’ve done with the site, the limes, oranges and bugs motifs. Beautiful.

websurfer said,

May 22, 2002 @ 4:02 pm

It’s call PMS!!!

DaiSHi said,

May 22, 2002 @ 6:08 pm

?And everyone’s comment, including mine, is about as valuable as swatted flies in a tub of orange juice with rotting limes."

hehe, talking about her backgrounds?
but yea, they’re like Shaska’s damn proofs… can’t figure them out at first…but you’ll think of a solution or something eventually, even if it’s not the right one…

fuck u said,

May 22, 2002 @ 10:23 pm

God don’t you have any better crap to write about other than your fucking emotions? You yellow piece of asian shit. My friends and I come by weekly to make fun of you and your low-life blogs. What a bitchy loser HAH.

"At least we aren’t with butch bitches like that shit, yea?"

"Hell yea"

qfe0 said,

May 22, 2002 @ 11:25 pm

Why do you feel so bad? It’s the chemicals in your brain. What can you do about it? Talk to someone! Call a hot line. Talk to your doctor. Talk to a friend. I know what it feels like. I know it sucks! It’s hard to care when you feel like that. Find someone to hug. Hug a stuffed animal. Cry. Bitch online :)
My guess is you probably have a good idea of what you need to do for yourself. I just wish there was a button I could push to make things better for you…

*qfe0* shrugs…

Anonymous said,

May 24, 2002 @ 12:27 pm

hi kim!

smile =D

Greg said,

May 26, 2002 @ 6:25 pm

The reason for you to not do it is the same reason I always come up with: I don’t want to hurt my family/friends. Cause I know it’ll tear them up if I did that [even more than if I gave my life for some good/valid reason, like saving someone else’s life].

All I can do is repeat Rob’s offer of lending an ear if you need it. He & I are both really close (I think I’m closer to you, since I’m in Mesa, but he’s not all that far either, I think).

So next time you feel this way, at least give a thought to calling or IMing one of us. Or someone else. Because this really IS what friends are for. To try to help you when you really, really need to be helped, and to try to keep you company [and make you feel better] even if they can’t help you.

So yeah, call. My cell is 949-836-4103 (Hm, I’m putting this on the web? Maybe I’m not so smart…).

Give it a thought, ok? You may not believe it, but you ARE valuable & valued. [and if it helps any, I wouldn’t believe that if ANYONE told me, no matter who they were…so I won’t be surprised if you don’t either. But I can at least tell you that & hope maybe you believe even just the slightest bit of it.]

RSS feed for comments on this post

Leave a Comment