“You don’t know what love is. I hate it when people say they love this and they love that… and they don’t even know what it feels like”

Is the feeling of love really that hard to achieve? Sometimes I wonder if I’m incapable of feeling love. My own mother said something like that to me once. I remember clearly. It was one of the first times that I ever really took anything she said to heart. It hurt so badly.

She had been yelling at me all morning. I was lying in bed and trying to ignore her by saying “yes yes yes”. Suddenly, in a flurried anger, she screamed at the top of her lungs “You don’t love me! You don’t know what love is! You’ll never be able to love anybody. You have no feelings”.

I remember crying for days after that, every time I thought of it.