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Why do bitches walk so slow?
Picture this: You’re on your way to class, you have everything timed perfectly. It is 10:55 AM, and you have exactly 5 minutes to get to class. You are turning right on a red which will take you approximately 1 minute. Parking will take 2 minutes, and it will take less than 2 minutes to walk to class.
You reach the red light when you notice a pedestrian crossing the road. Courteously, you think “Ok, I’ll just run to class and let this person cross.”
Unknowingly, you have just released the worst nemesis to your being on time to class.
True Story:
The other day I was trying to make a right turn and 2 bitches crossing the road took so long that by the time they finished crossing the light had already turned twice and the cars on the other side of the road were turning left into the lane of which I was preparing to turn right.
Now, I didn’t need to go anywhere important, but I STILL wanted to roll the bitches over!
This gone me to thinking:
Man, bitches really walk slow!
How many times have you wanted to stab yourself in the eye if you could make it so that you wouldn’t feel like you were wasting your time because of some bitch that decides that she’s going to walk slower than the average slug?
I’ve come up with 3 instances in which this happens to me CONSTANTLY.
1. The red light
Okay, this is what I was describing earlier. WTF is up with this? Obviously there are people waiting for you… Why can’t you just hurry your ass up and cross the damn road! Sometimes I’ve seen them look at me with an EVIL look in their eyes like they KNOW that I’m going to be late. FUCK YOU BITCH! I’m in a car! Next time I’ll run your fat ass over!
2. The narrow road
Is there some unwritten rule that if there are 2 or more bitches together that they have to take up the whole fucking sidewalk/walkway/etc? What the fuck is up with that shit? There should be a law about leaving a passing lane to get around slow ass bitches! the worst is when you’re trying to go around them discreetly, and regardless of which side you walk to, they always seem to be 1 up on you and they all kind of drift to that side. FUCK YOU BITCH! I wish I had a car to run you over!
3. When you’re really really late
You know what I hate the most? When you run into someone and they decide that they want to talk to you, so they start walking with you, but they walk at half the speed in which you were already going. COME ON. Use some common courtesy! If you’re going to already hinder someone with your talking, at LEAST have the courtesy to fucking walk as fast as them.
This also goes for people when we’re in big groups, too! Like when you’re late to a movie and you’re in a big group and bitches are whining because we’re gonna be late, but they’re not walking any faster. WALK FASTER BITCH! You’re the reason we’re gonna be late!
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*SIGH of relief* Ok I just had to say that. But seriously, I know you probably think I’m a dick and I know that I have on occasion walked slowly, as well… BUT! Barring ridiculously short legs, and really uncomfortable shoes, or if you’re just taking a walk in the park or something, there’s no reason that you should be walking slower than an elephant with a toe problem.