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Monday January 31, 2005 at 10:00 am

mirrored from madpimp.com | View my online portfolio

Why do bitches walk so slow?

Picture this: You’re on your way to class, you have everything timed perfectly. It is 10:55 AM, and you have exactly 5 minutes to get to class. You are turning right on a red which will take you approximately 1 minute. Parking will take 2 minutes, and it will take less than 2 minutes to walk to class.

You reach the red light when you notice a pedestrian crossing the road. Courteously, you think “Ok, I’ll just run to class and let this person cross.”

Unknowingly, you have just released the worst nemesis to your being on time to class.

True Story:

The other day I was trying to make a right turn and 2 bitches crossing the road took so long that by the time they finished crossing the light had already turned twice and the cars on the other side of the road were turning left into the lane of which I was preparing to turn right.

Now, I didn’t need to go anywhere important, but I STILL wanted to roll the bitches over!

This gone me to thinking:

Man, bitches really walk slow!

How many times have you wanted to stab yourself in the eye if you could make it so that you wouldn’t feel like you were wasting your time because of some bitch that decides that she’s going to walk slower than the average slug?

I’ve come up with 3 instances in which this happens to me CONSTANTLY.

1. The red light


Okay, this is what I was describing earlier. WTF is up with this? Obviously there are people waiting for you… Why can’t you just hurry your ass up and cross the damn road! Sometimes I’ve seen them look at me with an EVIL look in their eyes like they KNOW that I’m going to be late. FUCK YOU BITCH! I’m in a car! Next time I’ll run your fat ass over!

2. The narrow road


Is there some unwritten rule that if there are 2 or more bitches together that they have to take up the whole fucking sidewalk/walkway/etc? What the fuck is up with that shit? There should be a law about leaving a passing lane to get around slow ass bitches! the worst is when you’re trying to go around them discreetly, and regardless of which side you walk to, they always seem to be 1 up on you and they all kind of drift to that side. FUCK YOU BITCH! I wish I had a car to run you over!

3. When you’re really really late


You know what I hate the most? When you run into someone and they decide that they want to talk to you, so they start walking with you, but they walk at half the speed in which you were already going. COME ON. Use some common courtesy! If you’re going to already hinder someone with your talking, at LEAST have the courtesy to fucking walk as fast as them.

This also goes for people when we’re in big groups, too! Like when you’re late to a movie and you’re in a big group and bitches are whining because we’re gonna be late, but they’re not walking any faster. WALK FASTER BITCH! You’re the reason we’re gonna be late!

———–

*SIGH of relief* Ok I just had to say that. But seriously, I know you probably think I’m a dick and I know that I have on occasion walked slowly, as well… BUT! Barring ridiculously short legs, and really uncomfortable shoes, or if you’re just taking a walk in the park or something, there’s no reason that you should be walking slower than an elephant with a toe problem.

Moral of today’s story:

WALK FASTER, BITCHES!

Love,
Kim
shitlinks:[x] [x] [camville] [camwhores]

TurkShady said,

January 31, 2005 @ 10:05 am

Mmm, glad I don’t drive on campus…

stupidcrazy said,

January 31, 2005 @ 10:05 am

Amen to that. 

Jung_Woo said,

January 31, 2005 @ 10:06 am

I walk real fast, so fast that I accidentally kill slow walkers.

Sup007 said,

January 31, 2005 @ 10:09 am

damn talk about some pent up frustration…..I say next time in situation #2 you have two options:1)  trip one and it’ll be like a domino effect2)  throw a 5 legged chair in front of them…..(if anyone else gets this joke…..you’re cool in my book) =p

misstease said,

January 31, 2005 @ 10:10 am

im a sllllooooow walking bitch. . .love me hate me. . . ;)

MrWain said,

January 31, 2005 @ 10:11 am

Nah, its the best when people walk slow and they smoke, so that this huge cloud goes right in your face cuz you can’t go move to the side on a small ass side walk

JtOn812 said,

January 31, 2005 @ 10:22 am

what happened to the pedestrians have the right of way?  and why is it always girls who walk slow?

streetphotos said,

January 31, 2005 @ 10:41 am

That cause those bitches have those shoes that look cute but don’t fit any part of the human anatomy.The picture was taken in “The Fight Club”, aka the basement of my martial arts school. The walls are made of that weird brick.

inkhelm said,

January 31, 2005 @ 10:44 am

hahaha i’ll trade you ANYDAY!!! i love In & Out :P

kalamai said,

January 31, 2005 @ 10:45 am

Lmao! I walk fast when I’m crossing the street except for when there’s no traffic light and the driver decides to inch out before I’m anywhere near the sidewalk. That’s when I slow down cause that’s what they get for wanting to run me over =X
There was this one time in hs, when it wasn’t raining…it was barely SPRINKLING and someone had this BIG BEACHLIKE umbrella. She took up the whole walkway with that thing so I said something to my friend in Chinese…turns out the girl was a popular upperclassman who speaks Chinese too…she turned around and gave me attitude. My friend freaked out cause well bla bla bla “don’t you know who that is?” LIKE I CARE?! We’re both late for the bus and she’s worried about offending some uprighteous biatch?

nofa1r said,

January 31, 2005 @ 10:50 am

LoL!! The narrow road happens to be all the time at work with who I refer to as the get-along-gang. And that picture is so me! Except I just walk right behind them until they can feel me breathing down their neck and then they’d get the clue to let me pass by or I’ll just stomp my feet really loudly lid Godzilla and then they get scarrr and let me through.

lokei81 said,

January 31, 2005 @ 10:56 am

Haha…your insight into these things is just mind blowing.  Another thing I hate is when you’re walking in a crowd…and then the person infront of you decides to stop dead in their tracks and enjoy the scenery.  And then you run straight into them and they give you the eye of death as if it was all your fault.
BTW…not all boys are confusing…it’s usually just us faggots that like to cause drama. ;-)

SaikoHapa said,

January 31, 2005 @ 11:21 am

??? you actually stop for these people??? crap…i guess i’ve been a bastard by running them over…or when i’m walking just pushing them aside ;=X

CaKaLusa said,

January 31, 2005 @ 11:22 am

come to ny, where EVERYTHINGS quick–even our sex!

piggydc said,

January 31, 2005 @ 11:31 am

hahha cute cartoons :-)  do u mean old bitches or young ones?

stupidcrazy said,

January 31, 2005 @ 11:48 am

Next time if a group of people stops or walks slowly in front on u in front of u.  Just bumrush through the crowd while going beep beep.  THat should at least confuse them long enough for ur getaway.

stupidcrazy said,

January 31, 2005 @ 11:56 am

Tapping on the brake that so frickin evil.  Here to titties.*gulping massive shot of Wild Turkey*

frshsqzedoj said,

January 31, 2005 @ 12:03 pm

well since i’ve can’t remember the last time i saw a 5 legged chair, you can throw a 4 legged chair at them and i’ll be the 5th leg, if you know what i mean ;)

babiegrl5 said,

January 31, 2005 @ 12:08 pm

just run the bitches down. and if they get mad, point to your hood and be like “that’s what i have to say to you”

blankiethief said,

January 31, 2005 @ 12:15 pm

Amen, slow bitches.
Just wanted to say I’m totally lovin’ the new layout. Your designs were always rock.

Lemon451 said,

January 31, 2005 @ 12:22 pm

I am a courteous bitch I swear it.Vinh how can you be the 5th chair when you have a problem with your sail boat being up.I like your animated gifs. I will run over slow bitches with you next time but usually I’m nice and pretend I didn’t see them. :)

estoychino said,

January 31, 2005 @ 12:29 pm

lol, its even worse when they hear you walking behind them. and they either walk slower just for you, or they still don’t move.

NoBackstreetboys said,

January 31, 2005 @ 12:38 pm

Damn Kim, you’re such a sexist….

But it is true. WALK FASTER BITCHES!

mia_say_wah said,

January 31, 2005 @ 12:55 pm

seriously  they drive slow too i juss wanna go out and push em! haha i like ur backround! :-D way cute

JTxV0 said,

January 31, 2005 @ 1:07 pm

iinstance 1 and 2 are good..for number 3…
do you ever notice everyone walks slow when your in a rush?..lol its because they aren’t in a rush.

Sup007 said,

January 31, 2005 @ 1:13 pm

ahhhhhhhhhh your new skin works……it looks so badass ms shi =Pyou should make her into a comic book….AND YOU DREW IT YOURSELF……AMAZING!!!!

dyZ said,

January 31, 2005 @ 1:36 pm

be like luda.
“MOVE BITCH, GET OUT THE WAYY!”

minho said,

January 31, 2005 @ 1:37 pm

hey ur cam links have links to real pornthanks.

acchan_the_turtle said,

January 31, 2005 @ 1:38 pm

HAHA what a great entry!!I admit i walk hella slow… but instance number 2 pisses me off sooo muchi was at jack in the box by UCI and a group of frat boys were standing in front of the door NOT MOVING staring ppl down like me who finally cant take it and push them outta the way so i can get thru…ugh i hate that shit i swear dont act gangster if ur not a gangster, i mean standing around with math symbols on ur shirt isnt very intimidating hahahaha.o to answer ur question, i goto CSULB hehe.those pictures are GREAT HAHAHA

laid_backz said,

January 31, 2005 @ 1:59 pm

damn girl …your life is like a movie aiint it? always shit happenin~

lumpiablog said,

January 31, 2005 @ 2:04 pm

my school has probably been structured with bitches in mind. it takes forever to get off campus. i bet the designer was a bitch.

be_easy said,

January 31, 2005 @ 2:08 pm

that’s hella funny….

vannguyen0 said,

January 31, 2005 @ 2:13 pm

hahahaaa… you should have at least ran one group over!
anyways… i’ll take that ipod for mustang convertible any day!  just tell me where and when i can make the exchange!!!  =P

timothyj said,

January 31, 2005 @ 2:16 pm

you make my day every day!!!! LOLOL

auracle said,

January 31, 2005 @ 2:44 pm

ROFL…hahaha…dood, i thought I was disturbed. JK..fun blog. love your drawing. thanks making me grin for the day.

Gucci_Man said,

January 31, 2005 @ 2:59 pm

nice xanga, thankx for the props…
have a great night

dgdarien said,

January 31, 2005 @ 3:02 pm

bahahahaa. awesome pics!

delaphus said,

January 31, 2005 @ 3:21 pm

hahaha. so true. but i deal with it more when i’m walking

KeAiNuRen said,

January 31, 2005 @ 3:39 pm

Yah,it’s annoying walking behind someone who walks slow. I walk slow compared to my bf, but that’s only because he’s 6 ft tall. Even my speedy walk is not fast enough for him.:oP hehe. Another thing that is annoying is when you go somewhere like the mall and people just happen to stop at one area and block the walkway. Then when you just stop there to wait for them to move, they think you are interrupting their conversation.

ArT_CRiiMe said,

January 31, 2005 @ 4:03 pm

lmaO funnii` ass shiit!

guessbearalice said,

January 31, 2005 @ 4:24 pm

we missed you this weekend! hope you like your present from your secret santa. if you don’t have it yet…get it from patrick.

JennY71887 said,

January 31, 2005 @ 4:33 pm

lol, actually we’re not affiliated with any community service organization. Our high school created it. :Dand I do agree by what you’re saying. I just hope you don’t run them over. haha :)

inkhelm said,

January 31, 2005 @ 4:49 pm

haha you sound like a new yorker :P

Diahrea_and_Bloating said,

January 31, 2005 @ 5:07 pm

haha, i actually wrote a newspaper article about that.

sarthestar said,

January 31, 2005 @ 5:21 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAOMG i am definitely subscribing to you… you basically summed up the way i’ve been feeling for years!

SOMUCHSOUL said,

January 31, 2005 @ 5:27 pm

i’m down in the dumps, cuz i didn’t make the kaba teamoh yea, i hate it when people walk slow.-argyle socks boy

aznbro85 said,

January 31, 2005 @ 5:56 pm

lmao.. one of your greatest posts ever [that i’ve had the chance to read]. not only is the topic matter great, but the animations are very ROFLable.. ^_^
i can’t chose which one i like best, since all three are GREAT! :-P
man.. it was my first day of school today, and i got to experience that shit all over again, after getting a 6 week break from it.. =[
shoulda run her down.. pretend you stepped on the wrong pedal.. ^_^

hijinx7 said,

January 31, 2005 @ 6:22 pm

i swear, everytime you are in a hurry, all the grandma’s pop out onto the road in their gi’normous cars. in the words of luda, “moooove bitch…get out of’the way, bitch…get out of’the way!”

Brett_T said,

January 31, 2005 @ 6:26 pm

lol..word

HotterBoy said,

January 31, 2005 @ 6:41 pm

Bitches take their time to emanate power. To arouse the emotions of their adversaries, be it negative or positive. A non-reactive, neutral response is the best defense. This pisses them off the most.

minho said,

January 31, 2005 @ 6:51 pm

what’s ryc:?and that’s some orgasmic pic u leftmmmm hmmmm

NoOdL3_bOy said,

January 31, 2005 @ 8:07 pm

LOL! So true! hahahaha…people don’t know when to hurry the fcuk up -_-

mrxwill said,

January 31, 2005 @ 8:21 pm

Heh, the shocker…Anyways, I can picture Dave Chappel during a skit about this. Pimp slapping the hoes and tell them to walk faster.

d_e_l_e_r_i_u_m said,

January 31, 2005 @ 8:22 pm

ppl who walk slowly really annoy me too. (my babe thinks im too impatient and should c-h-i-l-l.)

Onigiriman said,

January 31, 2005 @ 8:42 pm

Nah, I don’t think you’re a dick. It would contradict your profile pic. :-D Anyway, i know what you mean. When I get blocked by a bunch of girls walking in a group, hogging the sidewalk at -4 MPH, I just barrell through the middle. “‘scuse me” I say as I bump into them even as I try to look like I am avoiding them. And when someone stops me on the street to talk, I tell them I have class, but they can come by my office hours. If they have something really important to say, they will, but 99  out of a 100, they don’t come by…

ALN_with_an_E said,

January 31, 2005 @ 9:22 pm

sok, just find some hot stud to carry you to school

Tinatamad2001 said,

January 31, 2005 @ 9:57 pm

“I’m Rick James, Bitch!. .Walk faster!..”

janieeee said,

January 31, 2005 @ 10:07 pm

hahaha…
kim you and your cute graphics :]

HurleyGuy751 said,

January 31, 2005 @ 10:08 pm

Besides…excuse the language….”bitches” walking slow, they drive slow as hell. They need to stop talking on their cell phones and putting on their makeup while trying to drive, if you cant multi-task, dont freaking attempt at all……After reading this post, I went to work, and what happens?!??! I almost get side swiped from some chick trying to do both……

HurleyGuy751 said,

January 31, 2005 @ 10:11 pm

Oh and I left something out, it just seems whenever people are going slow, you can attach one of this phrases to the situation….
1) Slow the fuck down…..
2) Speed the fuck up….
3) Get the fuck out of the way…

dA_rEaL_MexApInO said,

January 31, 2005 @ 10:20 pm

ha ha ha nice visuals on your story…i would have given 10 points each if you ahd ran them over….

whonose said,

February 1, 2005 @ 1:43 am

looks like i’m finished with whonose my friend
my blogging existence now survives with you.

MiZ_bRaNdY said,

February 1, 2005 @ 2:38 am

so u don’t think they really do dat to those poor kittens?

fubar said,

February 1, 2005 @ 5:16 am

i

iMiTaTioN_iz_SuiCiDe said,

February 1, 2005 @ 6:29 am

LMAO!!! amen, amen… happens EVERY FRIGGIN TIME!!! and i swear i really dont think there’s much else in the world that irks me more! and i think there IS definitely an unwritten rule that two or more lil worthless turds roamin together GOTS to take up ALL the available space in front of u on the path… cuz there’s just no other way to explain that shit! ugh! u’s on POINT with this one…. and im lovin the animations… DAMN i love your site, lol…
lata

xPeBBLezx said,

February 1, 2005 @ 7:23 am

AHAHAHAHA LOL… good one!!! I count the minutes i COULD be faster cuz of dumb shmucks.. ie: driving too slow, “bitches who walk slow”, or those who can’t turn on a red left turn… DAYAM 2 to a light, how hard is that?? mad props for this entry!

SupraS15 said,

February 1, 2005 @ 7:31 am

1)  I like your layout.
2)  I like your funny ass posts.
3)  I didnt get to have any Patron Tequila. =/

cuteandconvinced said,

February 1, 2005 @ 7:37 am

This is by far the most entertaining Xanga that I’ve come across.  I LOVED this post.  I thought that I was the only one in the world that felt the same way as you do.  The narrow road instance is what bugs the hell outta me.  It’s nice to finally come across a person who could state these instances so perfectly.  I couldn’t have said them better myself.  Awesome post.  I can totally relate.

Sandsid said,

February 1, 2005 @ 7:50 am

hahaha… this is just too funny… and true!great post

MeehDo said,

February 1, 2005 @ 8:49 am

HAhah.. Love the visual aid.. hehe..

JonnyNgo said,

February 1, 2005 @ 9:37 am

hey… wow.. i actually remember going to madpimp.com back in the days. just wanted to say i’ve always admired your work. great job and take care.jonny ngo

livandletdie said,

February 1, 2005 @ 9:46 am

hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahah soo funny :D love the cartoons!!

le_pink said,

February 1, 2005 @ 11:16 am

LOL LOL LOL LOL DAMN MALL RATS!!!

Twist2daRav3n said,

February 1, 2005 @ 11:53 am

This post is so amazingly accurate its scary.
–Raven

xx_Crush_Me_Baby_xx said,

February 1, 2005 @ 12:32 pm

random props
ahhhhhhhhhh
you’re my new best friend!
thank you for being the person to finally draw attention to that!
haha
exx ohh exx ohh

rEvolt_x7 said,

February 1, 2005 @ 1:05 pm

bitches walk slow cuz dey bitches, cant do nuthin bout that, cept run dem all over

hapi said,

February 1, 2005 @ 1:10 pm

nice animation

babyshuyi said,

February 1, 2005 @ 2:34 pm

rofl.. haha ur pics are cute!!! haha u’re good… :) lol.

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