If it’s just a phase…
How come I never grew out of it?

I remember when it started. I was in fourth grade. My two
front teeth had just grown out [giant, by the way, I had to get them
filed down], I was as skinny as the new immigrants in my class and just
as dark. I got back our class picture, and I was standing next to
the cutest girl in our class. She was wearing a little-bo-peep
type dress, while I was wearing hot pink leggings with purple flowers
on it and a matching top. Next to her I looked like a dark little
beggar child that was really hungry.

That was when I entered my awkward phase.

I never really fit in….

And then I got my glasses. Man, not only was I a fairly
intelligent, weird lookin’ kid, I had to get glasses on top of
it. It just kind of topped the icing on my cupcake.
At least in Elementary school I was still in the ‘cool crowd’.

Middle school started in 5th grade for me… and from that point on,
I pretty much was no longer in the ‘cool crowd’. None of
the boys I liked liked me back [Ah, martin.. why did I send you an
anonymous love letter only to be found out and laughed at?], none of
the pretty girls talked to me except in class to ask me about
schoolwork.

I mean, it’s not like I didn’t have friends and all, but I
definitely was not a social butterfly, as much as I would have liked to
be.

So this feeling of awkwardness that began so young — I guess I was
around 10 — has never really left me. When you read about
it in all those teen novels or see it on TV, they always tell teenagers
that it’s just a phase that they’re going to grow out of. Indubitably,
most of these ‘awkward teens’ are hotnesses like Rachael Leigh Cook or
Hillary Duff or Lindsey Lohan, but the message still comes
through — and gives one hope.

Except I’m 22…

…and then I tag along with a friend to a sorority party,
or some kind of mixer where there’s all these beautiful blonde
socialites, or even go clubbing…. and it all comes back to me how
dorky and awkward I am in the company of the ‘cool kids’.

Except we’re not kids anymore… and I still don’t fit into the in crowd.

I don’t have the right conversation, the right clothes, the right makeup, the right hair style, the right speaking mannerisms.

… worst of all, I don’t have the confidence.

But.. at least I get worshipped.

What childhood ‘phase’ have you never been able to shake?