Sunday October 9, 2005 at 08:04 am

October 9, 2005 at 3:04 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

My style:

Or lack of?


I don’t get dressed up very often, but when the urge overwhelms me or
I’m going out, I do like to occasionally partake in the habit of
dressing up. What I find interesting is that when I DO wear the kinds
of clothes that I like, I get a lot of comemnts and stares from
strangers.

You see, I’ve been trying to bring the
japanese-loose sock style to America since I got my first pair of loose
socks at Anime Expo 2000.

I also like to wear leg warmers.

Basically anything that covers my legs with sweater-like material.

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Saturday October 8, 2005 at 11:17 am

October 8, 2005 at 6:17 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

pre-emptive drunkenness from shi.

Okay, so it’s a given that I’m going to get drunk tonight… so I’m
going to save myself from embarrassment and write my drunken entry now:

WOoOOoo tyeaaah bitchees!!! fuck you motherFUckerrsw!!! imfuckng drzzunkk BITCh!

Thank you.

Have a good day and get fucking drunk with me tonight.

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Bi Polar disorder

October 8, 2005 at 12:27 am · Filed under Rigamarole

Dealing with depression and bi polar disorder is a tricky thing. You’re so dependent on the people around you yet you can’t be around anybody a lot of the time.

And then there’s the fact that so many people don’t even believe that depression is anything but laziness and excuses.

During my middling moments I could probably see that. And during my manic moments when I have to be doing something all the time and can only stand to sleep for a couple hours a night I can see that.

But during those downer moments, I know, no matter how hard I try, no matter what the risks, I won’t get out of bed. I open my eyes only to wish that life would stop for a while. Or if I could stop.

How do you try harder when you’re spending all your energy just for the courage to continue living?

I’m considering writing about this in a more public forum, aka my Xanga. Not sure about the response I’ll get, but I think mental ‘conditions’ are things that are looked upon with a lot of ignorance.

Comments (6)

Friday October 7, 2005 at 11:11 am

October 7, 2005 at 6:11 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

I wish I was smart enough
to act stupid from the beginning.

There
are so many bimbos out there, girls that act like total retards that
pretend they don’t have anything better in their minds than looking
good and finding a rich husband, that it would really shock me if there
weren’t some super geniuses hidden underneath those perfectly made-up,
manicured, dyed, expensive veneers.

Sometimes I wonder why I didn’t stay stupid.

I
actually played the stupid-idiot-blonde-asian-stereotype for a
while. I was in 6th grade and my parents had just gotten
divorced. I hated school because I never really fit in, and I
hated home because there was nothing but sadness and anger there.
All I did when I got home was take as many sleeping pills and tylenols
and advils as I could [at one point, I was taking about 8 pills a day
— by that time I was in 8th grade haha] and fall asleep.

Because
I was in a constant stupor, I was able to convince my mom and my
brother that I was an absolute dolt. A bunch of drama happened.
Long story short -> I ran away from home in 8th grade and put in a
mental for a couple days after that.

And for some reason after I came back, I stopped acting stupid.

It was probably the worst mistake of my life. Once people started to realize that I wasn’t an idiot, they started to have expectations for me. Teachers
started giving me extra homework, my parents pushed me harder to do
well in school, I started thinking that I would go somewhere in life.

If I had kept up my dumb act, expectations would be lower.

I
could have been able to concentrate my skills on things that require
little responsibility, like myself, the way I look, what I wear each
day, and whether or not my hair and nails match the type of clothes I’m
wearing…. And no one would question why I spent my time that way
because I’d be a ‘typical’ air-headed-girl type.

There are days when I want to drown myself in empty-headedness and plunge into the darkness of shallow thinking. Then maybe living wouldn’t be such a difficult task. Then maybe I wouldn’t be so tired all the time.

Then maybe I wouldn’t feel so insecure when I stand next to those perfectly manicured girls.

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Computer fixing guru

October 7, 2005 at 5:01 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

I’ve got the magical touch.

For about a week my laptop hasn’t been recognizing that I have a DVD drive. Last night, frustrated at my laptop’s incompetence, I slammed the damned thing and hit it around a couple times [literally].

5 minutes later, my DVD drive popped up again.

Uncanny.

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Creating a new life

October 7, 2005 at 9:58 am · Filed under Rigamarole

When you choose to create a new life you always stand the risk of hurting the people of your past in your quest for a blank slate. People who were there for you, people who stood by your side, and people you maybe even loved.

But perhaps it’s all for the better, when you think about it. Perhaps the people that you left behind will even thank you one day for cutting them off completely.

Or maybe not.

I don’t really know how to feel about being cut off. It kind of pisses me off, yet a part of me can understand why you don’t want to be around anything that reminds you of before. It would have been nice, though, to see you at least once.

Oh, and through this, I’ve learned that tentative plans to meet never work out.

Comments

Thursday October 6, 2005 at 06:07 pm

October 7, 2005 at 1:07 am · Filed under Rigamarole

I wish I was smart enough

to act stupid from the beginning.

There are so many bimbos out there, girls that act like total retards
that pretend they don’t have anything better in their minds than
looking good and finding a rich husband, that it would really shock me
if there weren’t some super geniuses hidden underneath those perfectly
made-up, manicured, dyed, expensive veneers.

Sometimes I wonder why I didn’t stay stupid.

I actually played the stupid-idiot-blonde-asian-stereotype for a
while. I was in 6th grade and my parents had just gotten
divorced. I hated school because I never really fit in, and I
hated home because there was nothing but sadness and anger there.
All I did when I got home was take as many sleeping pills and tylenols
and advils as I could [at one point, I was taking about 8 pills a day
— by that time I was in 8th grade haha] and fall asleep.

Because I was in a constant stupor, I was able to convince my mom
and my brother that I was an absolute dolt. A bunch of drama
happened. Long story short -> I ran away from home
in 8th grade and put in a mental for a couple days after that.

And for some reason after I came back, I stopped acting stupid.

It was probably the worst mistake of my life. Once people started to realize that I wasn’t an idiot, they started to have expectations for me. Teachers
started giving me extra homework, my parents pushed me harder to do
well in school, I started thinking that I would go somewhere in life.

If I had kept up my dumb act, expectations would be lower.

I could have been able to concentrate my skills on things that
require little responsibility, like
myself, the way I look, what I wear each day, and whether or not my
hair and nails match the type of clothes I’m wearing…. And no one
would question why I spent my time that way because I’d be a ‘typical’
air-headed-girl type.

There are days when I want to drown myself in empty-headedness and plunge into the darkness of shallow thinking. Then maybe living wouldn’t be such a difficult task. Then maybe I wouldn’t be so tired all the time.

Then maybe I wouldn’t feel so insecure when I stand next to those perfectly manicured girls.

Comments

I forgot

October 6, 2005 at 11:20 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

I forgot that this blog is supposed to log my day to day. I’ve never really been good about writing about my every day life. Not even in my journals. It’s always about my dumbfuckingmothercuntfuckpoopassing ideas. So, without furthur ado, I guess I shall write about my day.

Woke up and looked at the clock. Realized it was 7 AM and screamed. Was supposed to drive Lan to John Wayne at 6 AM. His flight was scheduled for 6:45. Screamed, freaked out, woke him up, and promptly fell back asleep.

Took Lan to airport at 10AM.

Oh, incidentally, he’s an uncle now! YAY. That’s why he went to Arizona.

Went to work. Uneventful. Went home. Drank a beer. Talked to roommates. Drank a beer. Watched Love Hina [anime]. Checked my blog.

The end.

Comments (1)

Advice from the Ignorant

October 6, 2005 at 11:06 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

I find it weird that a lot of guys ask for my advice. I think it’s because I’m a girl that thinks mostly along the same line as the guys.

I actually was thinking about this the other day along a different line: something like, why are do drama-causing bitches always cause drama? it’s because they ask for advice from other drama-causing bitches!

Do you instinctively seek out people that you know will agree with you or will have opinions that you agree with even though they may not be the right ones?

Interesting, and warrants more thought.

Comments

Thursday October 6, 2005 at 11:10 am

October 6, 2005 at 6:10 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

Hi, my name is Kim and I have a weird fetish
I sign up for everything under the sun.

No, really. I do. Check out this long ass list (sorted somewhat by sign up date):
*note, some of these you need accounts to view profile

Accounts I’ve had that aren’t around or I’m not on anymore:

What’s
funny is, these are only the ones that I’ve been semi-active in.
I know I’ve signed up for tons of things that I never even went back to
the page for. I’m such a freak! I just sign up for shit ALL
THE TIME! It’s like some kind of obsessive compulsive bullshit I
have that I must have an account on everything.

With
all that said… Now that I’ve come out of the closet, won’t you be my
friendster, myspacester, facebookster, okcupidster, findapixter?

Comments (130)