March 24, 2005 at 7:33 am · Filed under Rigamarole
There’s something about Lan
The blog and beyond…
A little while ago, Lan aka Sup007 wrote a tribute to me for my birthday. He was very generous in his praise, but being as selfish as I am, I feel that he hasn’t captured the essence of all the things that I, myself, would have wanted him to express in such a tribute. I feel as if many a stranger who had pereused my blog could have written much the same.
I’ve waited for him to write about us for a long time, because he is much better at depicting events than I… However, time has passed by and my memories are beginning to fade and still I have no record of anything.
So here, in all my selfishness, because this is more for me than for him (and for that I am sorry, but not sorry enough not to post this), is my post dedicated to Lan [and me], aka Sup007 aka LanIsWeird.com.
And why? Because I want to announce to the world that I am completely and irrevokably head over heels for the guy you may see as Lan or Sup007.
A little history
We started flirting around Halloween, but it wasn’t until late November after his 23rd birthday that we began to talk. It started out innoculously, with me being hungry and wanting a partner in crime to go with me to Vietnamese areas to eat. Lan was my most likely candidate, being Vietnamese, and familiar with that area.
We started hanging out more and more. At some point I started to tell him about my glory days of blogging. He was fairly new to the joys that it could bring, though he’s owned his blog for quite some time. In December he began blogging more steadily, and so did I. Then he convinced me to revive my old domain [madpimp.com]. On New Year’s eve, instead of going out, he instead enticed me into creating the layout for diaries.madpimp.com that you see now.
Jubilent, we finally partied the night after [depicted here in Lan’s blog]. So really, you see, for all of you who are fans of madpimp.com and xanga.com/shi the way it is — you have Lan to thank. …and thank him you should! I’m awesome! — Haha, that was sarcasm. Kind of.
It’s funny, blogging became an activity that we both enjoyed and at some point it became a lifestyle for both of us. The good thing is, when you blog a lot, you don’t go out as much, so we save a lot of money by not going out. =)
The things I like about Lan
Compassion: Lan has compassion more than almost everyone I know. He is one of the only people I know who will drop everything to help somebody in need. We met through my community service club 4 years ago around this time of year when I was a freshman at UCI. Lan cares about the people around him.
Inspiration: Without Lan , I wouldn’t have been as inspired as I was these last few months to write some of the things I do. He is forever supportive of all the ridiculous ideas I come up with — even when he doesn’t understand them and I can’t describe them well.
Competition:Lan is a ridiculously competetive boy. He refuses to play video games that he isn’t good at against me. He will only play games in which he can slaughter me. Somehow it makes him happier. I’ve never met such a ferocious competitor in my life. At the same time, being caught up in his aura of competition, I’ve been able to pass some heights that I never thought I could. As an opponent he’s scary. As a teammate — he’s just as scary. But sometimes it can be endearing.
Laughter: He tolerates my farting and my burping and retaliates in kind. We have a very similar sense of humor and build off of each other really well. A lot of times, one of us will set up a joke and the other one will complete it, without thought. =] In comedy, we make a good team.
Nerdy: Secretly, he’s as nerdy as I am. But he’ll never admit it. =]
Comfortable: There is nobody I feel more comfortable with or at home with than with Lan . When we’re alone together we can spend hours talking about nothing, and spend even more time talking about something.
Psychic: Lan is psychic. Somehow he can always tell when something is bothering me. Or maybe he’s the only one who cares enough to bother to ask. I’m not sure. He also always knows when I’m trying to fart on him, even though I try to make it look like I’m just snuggling up to him. I guess I usually don’t snuggle with my butt.
Spontaneous: Lan is extremely spontaneous… and that’s what makes him fun! Sometimes one of us will just have a whim, like “Let’s have a picnic!” or “Let’s go clubbing!” or something of that sort, and we will. Other than maybe Larry and Darrell, he’s the only one that listens to my whims seriously — and he listens to them the most of all. (BTW, if Lan ever starts a sentence with “Wouldn’t it be funny if..” I suggest you run. 
Cacapoopoo: Enough said.
Good Dancer: Wow! this guy can dance. I always feel like an awkward person when I dance with him. I think I have too many elbows or something. Lan is a great dancer, not just to clubbing music, but to swing and other ballroom things as well.
Dedication: Once he has decided to do something, whether work, school, circle k, blogging, or anything, he does it with all of his heart and nothing stops him. It’s a trait that isn’t inherent in me, and always impresses me about him. He makes me want to strive for more.
Memories I have with/of Lan
Things that make me smile, things I have to jot down so I don’t forget.
The first time I met Lan , he was an outgoing president and I was an incoming Lieutenant Governer. He told me that Circle K was was his life and he would be my greatest enemy if I did anything to harm the club.. and that he would be my greatest ally in times of need. I didn’t like him very much back then. I don’t think he liked me either, after I kind of left my position to shit.
Talking to him at one of my first DCMs after Working Wardrobes [a service project] about Circle K. One of the things I remember about him was his giant omnipotent box of Circle K information that he carried around with him. I remember my roommate asking a question, and him pulling out a flyer and handing it to her.
One of the first times I met Lan , while I was still LTG, I was supposed to drive him home when he decided to jump on a moving SUV and succeeded to land on his head and had to go to the hospital. I had nightmares after that.
We went to a gay club together with some friends and I drank too much. He took care of me and carried me to my bed.
The clubbing crew = Lan, me, Darrell, Larry, and Eric Ho. Great times, great times. “WHERE YOU AT, BITCH?” This is the night that I realized Lan had game. O_O
Club Reign and their gigantic patron shots.
Dong Khanh – Ca Kho To and Canh Chua, Thai Spice – Beef Pad See Ew and Chickent Pad Thai, Thai Nakorn and cymbols, Vietnamese sandwiches and meatcakes, Alertos carne asada fries, nachos and burritos, Allejandro’s breakfast burritos, Lawry’s prime rib, homemade spaghetti, spam fried rice, L&L’s Hawaiian Barbecue…. and so much more food..
Laying on the couch at 493 talking about assassins.
Halloween.
Going to Barnes & Noble together.
Winter break with our trips to Costco, Ikea, Walmart, random things with friends, Target, ABC Supermarket, and the temple, where I got a fortune so bad the nun felt sorry for me.
Pitting our soldiers against each other on a battlefield of army blanket.
Lan helping me clean my room by commanding me to throw away all my trinkets. My room which got messy within 1 day of being clean :(.
There’s so much more I want to write about. So many events that can be posts in themselves, which I am deciding right now, they will be. Lan’s birthday at Sea World, Lan’s first visit to Disneyland, our Valentine’s day, our trip to LA to see Chicago at the Pantages, and all the escapades I hope to have in the future, not just the ones in my memory.
Blogging
A large chunk of our time together involves talking about, thinking about, planning, and doing things related to blogging. Because of this, it’s only natural for me to tell you my favorite blogs by Lan .
[03.13.2005 – Thanksgiving Dinner Event Recap] – One of my favorite things about Lan is his dedication to community service. It always makes me feel good to know that I’m around someone who does good for others.
[03.10.2005 and 01.05.2005 First Kiss Story ] – Letter written in the form of the letters written in Perks of Being a Wallflower. Probably my all time favorite post of Lan’s. I remember the sparkle in his eyes when he first told me this idea, the frustration he experienced working on it, and the pride he had when he realized that he had written something truly touching.
[02.23.2005 Embarassing moment] Lan’s most embarassing moment. Illustrated. Hilarious. And hopefully one day he’ll repeat it in front of me. So I can laugh.
[02.21.2005 E! True Xanga Story ] One of Lan’s most creative blogs to date. It’s amazing that on the same day both Lan and I wrote two of our favorite and most creative blogs ever. Ironically, with the two posts, we both ended up being number one on xanga on the same day. I didn’t even realize #1 was something we could share. But apparently it was.
[02.19.2005 How to kick patrick in the balls ] Probably the most fun I ever had helping him set up a blog. In case you don’t know, Patrick may be Lan’s roommate, but he has only been so for less than a year. Patrick’s girlfriend is my roommate, so that makes it that I have had Patrick for a roommate for 4 years. Ew. It’s apartmentcest.
[02.14.2005 5 Cheap Dates ] Probably my second favorite post. I dont know why, it just makes me smile. I remember telling him that this one was really good, too… And it was, because everyone seemed to respond to it really well.
[01.27.2005 Graves Disease] Lan’s most real and most poignant post to date. It was so hard on him to post it, that it was hard for me to watch him write it. What made me even sadder is that some people misconstrued his intentions on this blog. He put so much work, thought and effort into it that to consider it anything but brave would be sacriligious to the god of blogs.
[01.27.2005 Haiku ] Tongue piercing haiku. Lan’s first toe dipping into the realm of poetry blogging. My haiku was decidedly more raunchy.
[12.03.2004 Lan’s Aunt ] This was around the time when we first started seeing each other and before the time we created masks of ourselves on our blog. This entry is painfully real, updated with news as the tragedy of his aunt’s passing came to pass. I remember the first time I read this, real tears came to my eyes as they still do now.
My end
At the end of the day there’s nothing better than knowing that I’m going to see his face and hear his voice. At the end of it all, he’s stolen my heart and will probably break it one day. In the end, I’m just a silly little girl with a heart too full and eyes too adoring to see anything more.
“You know what’s really weird? A cork in your butt!”
March 23, 2005 at 9:35 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
This week has been filled with the wonderful and the terrible, and really, I want to remember the wonderful, because the last days of my college years and peers are coming more quickly than I can see. This last week, I celebrated not only my 22nd birthday, but my last convention for Circle K (Collegiate community service organization) as well.
*NOTE!! ALTHOUGH IT MAY SEEM OTHERWISE, THERE WAS NO DRINKING AND/OR DRUGS CONSUMED IN ANY OF THE FOLLOWING PICTURES. WE DID THIS SOBER!
It’s pretty rare for me to do one of these event/picture posts… so if it comes out wrong, don’t be too mad.
Birthday Fun
Midnight morning of my birthday, there came a knockin’ on the door. I open it to see these three boys:
Larry, Eric, Lawrence
They came to the door with bouquets of flowers and a balloon in each of their hands. On the outside of the bouqets was written, “K” “I” and “M”, respectively. Unfortunately they weren’t standing in the right order, so the letters spelled out “ikm”. It’s the thought that counts though.
The boys then proceeded to serenade me with this song that has no tune that I have ever heard:
On March 16 of 1983,
Out of a hole you came out happily
22 years old now you will be
Your AIM SN is kimochi
So happy Birthday from (apt) 493
And me!
The “and me” was Lawrence — he’s not from apartment 493. Along with the flowers and balloons they left me an envelope with the following gifts in them: the paper on which the words to my song were written, a coupon to magic mountain, a green condom, and well wishes from the rest of 493 written on the back of the envlope. Taped to the front of the envelope was a delapadated black balloon. Its significance is unknown.
My presents.
The night of my birthday was planned and executed by Lan (aka Sup007).
Partially because Lan and I went to Sea world for his birthday, partially because we had season passes to Disneyland and mostly because I wanted to, I requested that we go to Disneyland to celebrate my birthday.
Lan’s birthday.
So, along with a gift of 22 roses, balloons, and the first season of Fruits Basket [an anime I love], Lan took me out to dinner at the Blue Bayou at Disneyland [the restaurant inside of Pirates of the Carribean]. (Pictures of that to come, I haven’t gotten them from Lan yet…)
First he arrived at my house with the balloons and flowers
My presents from Lan.
Then we ate a romantic candlelight dinner at the Blue Bayou
My presents from Lan.
After that, we went on the ride itself, which Lan hadn’t been on in years. Amazingly, the number of our boat was 22! Just like my age! What a crazy coincidence. The ride attendant thought we were being really weird for taking the picture with the front of the boat until we explained it was my birthday…
My presents from Lan.
After that, we just enjoyed a lot of disneyland together…
My presents from Lan.
Lan also got me the full season of fruits basket!
My presents from Lan.
My presents from Lan.
As I was taking pictures of the roses, I found this card from my ex, John, from hawaii. On the inside it said, “I thought you would like to have a shell from the beach”… It made me miss him a lot.
Card from John.
District Convention
For those of you that don’t know, I belong to a collegiate organization called Circle K. Circle K is the world’s largest collegiate community service organization and is a part of the Kiwanis family. You may have heard of other parts of the Kiwanis family such as KEY Club and Kiwins for highschoolers. I was in KEY club in high school and continued my love for the organization through Circle K in college.
District Convention is annual event wherin all members of Circle K in the California-Nevada-Hawaii district are encouraged to come, learn things at workshops, and vote for the new district leaders for the next year.
This year’s convention was my last convention. And here are pictures and some words to commemorate the event.
Every year UCI Circle K enters a skit into the talent show section of the event. This year, we finished 3rd place in the competition. Here are some pictures of us hard at work practicing.
Skit Practice
Day 1
I rode up to convention with Larry and Patrick (who would decide to not run for governer in the car, and ultimately win the governorship by the end of the convention). Even before any festivities began, we were already goofing off. Patrick has a big camera because he is dressed as a tourist.
Before session even starts.
At one point in the night, Patrick got a hold of my camera, and for a span of 20 pictures, all you can see is crotches.
Later that night, we practice the skit some more in Larry’s irregularly large hotel room.
I normally share an apartment with this girl, but during this weekend I shared her room and her bed as well. =D She happens to be the outgoing president of our club.
Day 2
Workshops during the day.. Helped Larry and Ferdinand run the awesomely fun icebreaker workshop.
Best workshop of the weekend!.
Patrick complains about people running up to him and taking pictures without his consent just because he is governer. I decide to do it as well.
Patrick.
The crazy seniors are all leaving! Who will keep up our perverted legacy?
Finally, after all of that practicing, we do our skit
That night, me, Darrell and Larry decided that it was the last time that we could go crazy. So we did!
Freaks come out at night.
Freaks come out at night.
Day 3
After ending session we all were able to get together for this beautiful group picture.
Circle K makes me happy.
On our way home, we saw a delorean! We all screamed out… 88 miles per houuuuuuuuuurrr…!!
Back to the future.
We also saw a rainbow on the way home.
If you look close, you can see a 2nd rainbow.
On that side of the road there was rain, but on the other side, the scenery was quite beautiful
Windows?
Endlessly soft.
March 23, 2005 at 3:34 am · Filed under Rigamarole
I’m sitting in my very messy room drinking. Don’t worry, I’m not drinking by myself — I have the lovely company of my IM buddies.
I wanted to tell everybody that last night I had a dream about Full House. I think I might have been Danny Tanner in the dream. Which is funny, because that means that at some point in my mind I wanted to scream “I’VE SUCKED DICK FOR CRACK”.
On a different note… Today is my ex-boyfriend’s birthday. This is the first birthday in the four years that I have been in college that I haven’t celebrated it with him.
He sent me a card for mine. I didn’t send one for his.
I feel like a complete wretch for not doing something special, so I will say it here.
Happy Birthday John
No one has shared more with me, more of me than you in the years since I came to Irvine. I’m so proud of your accomplishments and I’m very happy that you’re following your dreams. Thank you for always being there for me.
March 15, 2005 at 10:46 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
Big day!:
If I were a hobbit, right now I would be setting aside my things as gifts to all my friends and readers,and preparing for the Great Feast tomorrow. Unfortunately, I’m not a hobbit — so I’ll have to settle with my gift to everyone being a release of my past posts from protected, and look forward to my Great Feast called “Skit Practice”.
What I mean to say is…
Tomorrow on March 16, 2005, I will officially turn 22.
Memories:
Since turning 22 is kind of a boring topic, and I really don’t have any idea of what is in store for me. I decided to write about what I DO know. — Things I will miss and/or remember about turning 21.
Five things I will remember about being 21:
1. My first strip club experience at Crazy Horse II in Vegas!
2. Using the excuse, “I didn’t know I couldn’t do that, I just turned 21.”
3. Feeling powerful when I could buy things for my underaged friends.
4. Gambling for the first time in Vegas.
5. Pulling my ID card out to show people even when they don’t ask, screaming “I’M 21!!!”
Presents!:
The best present I can get is the gift of love, friendship and well wishes from you guys on my birthday…
But, if that’s not enough for you… I’ve made two wishlists.. 
You can feel free to send me presents for my birthday!
Amazon Wish List
Victoria’s Secret Wishlist
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
p.s. a huuge shoutout to SUP007 for his birthday tribute to me. best birthday present ever.
March 10, 2005 at 5:25 am · Filed under Rigamarole
Plagiarism
As all of you know, I tend to be fairly harsh on people who use my words and/or images. For example, what I did to this girl who copied one of my posts, pictures and all directly onto her site. She had the pleasure of opening up her page to see a big hairy cock jizzing all over her face.
My original |
Her-before |
Her-after |
For the full story behind that incident, click here.
Ah, the memories.
Anyhow, onto the good stuff.
I have an EVIL TWIN:
x_devianceClick link to see original saved on my server (She has changed some posts on her page… this is the original page that I saw)
Now, it’s come to my attention that I have a long-lost twin. Not to say that we look alike or anything, but apparently we are of the same mind and soul. Almost.. It’s always almost, but not quite. How do I know that? Well, let’s take a look!
Amazing Co-incidence #1
Let’s start small. As I loaded her site, I heard an oh-too familiar sound. The sound of CRIMSON Room loading. Wow! I think, this girl thinks like me, she has Crimson Room on her site, just like me. Intriguing.
My original February 23, 2003 |
X_deviant March 08, 2005 |
Amazing Co-incidence #2
This girl has the same ideas as me on depression!
(read my original entry by here)
My words (february 18,2005):
It’s funny, that depression can feel easy. Sometimes it really is, though. Easier to be depressed than happy.
Her words (march 02, 2005):
Sometimes, i would much rather be depressed. it’s so0o much easier that way.
My words (february 18, 2005):
Depression I don’t have to work at, depression doesn’t take extra thought, extra care, extra effort. Happiness is something I must constantly fuel with things, people, activities.
Her words (march 02, 2005):
Why? because happiness is so tremendously harder to fuel.. to maintain.
There’s more, but I won’t bore you with the details.
At this point you’re probably thinking that I’m overly paranoid and am ready to lash out at people for small things. Perhaps you are right… But there’s more!
Amazing Co-incidence #3We are both apparently fond of doing Xanga-related video game spoofs… WOW!!
Click here for this original post.
My original February 21, 2005 |
X_deviant March 08, 2005 |
And finally, I saved the best for last…
Amazing Co-incidence #4
WE HAVE THE EXACT SAME PICTURES AND POSES… Click here for this original post.
My original Februrary 19, 2005 |
x_deviant February 28, 2005 |
My original Februrary 19, 2005 |
x_deviant February 28, 2005 |
My original Februrary 19, 2005 |
x_deviant February 28, 2005 |
My original Februrary 19, 2005 |
x_deviant February 28, 2005 |
I’m being unfair. There WERE some differences.
My original Februrary 19, 2005
x_deviant February 28, 2005
She ALMOST gave me credit… but she forgot!
Funnily enough.. she actually did mention that she got the “IDEA” from somebody.
She wrote: “i just thought i’d give you a tour of my room. i got this idea from a website i read not too long ago. i’d give credit, but i forgot whom to give credit to.. soo… sorry.”
So… She remembered to put herself in a bathing suit… To make a tour like mine.. AND TO EVEN HAVE A STORY LINE WITH PICTURES AND POSES EXACTLY LIKE MINE… Side by side. But she didn’t remember who I was? Even if she had just saved all my pictures as references — MY DOMAIN NAME IS ON THE FRICKIN WATERMARK! HOW HARD IS THAT TO REMEMBER? YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO REMEMBER! YOU JUST HAVE TO READ!! GOD DAMN BITCH!
*breathe* ok… *breathe*
I also find it funny that she wrote this BEFORE ALL OF THE OFFENSES OCCURED. So she ‘forgot’… 4 times! ON DIFFERENT DAYS!
Yeah.. so the first three I could have tolerated. Taken it as a coincidence. But that last one was a doozy. The funniest part is that of the 5 posts on her page, there are posts taken from 4 of my posts.
How about this for an offer, x_deviance — you can just PAY me, and then I’ll do your posts FOR YOU. A-la high-school style. I GUARANTEE you’ll get more visitors that way.
In the end, I would like to say:
Congratulations, x_deviance, on your great achievements.
Not many people get featured on my site much less get a whole post about themselves!
For that, I give you a round of applause for being an almost — but not quite! — complete plagiarizer of my site. Too bad you didn’t do the posts better than me, otherwise I would have given you many props, twin sister.
I would also like to give you this complimentary gift — MY DICK IN YOUR MOUTH!
My original March 9, 2005
The greatest irony will be if X_deviance decides to write a copy of THIS post! I can’t wait to see what you come up with, MY EVIL TWIN SISTER!
PLEASE feel free to take my complimentary gift and post it on your page!
EDIT #1// I FEEL SO POWERFUL! LESS THAN 15 MINUTES AFTER I POSTED THIS SHE TOOK ALL OFFENSIVE POSTS DOWN!– SUCK IT, BIATCH!
Edit #2// Wow! 1 hour after posting, she moved her whole site!
P.S. For those of you who are not and still want to be on my protected list, please write “p.s. you make my nipples hard” at the end of your comment. — The way to find out is easy: is the post directly beneath this one labled “protected”? if not, then you are not on my protected list.
P.P.S. I am also VERY sorry for not commenting or replying to any e-mails of late. I haven’t really been on my computer except to write. I am currently re-reading Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan in preparation for Book 11 that is coming out Fall 2005. Each book is around 700 pages and I’ve read 6 of them in the last 2 or 3 weeks. Needless to say, I’ve been occupied.
March 9, 2005 at 10:21 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
There is nothing I hate more than plagiarism… as you guys probably remember.
Possibly enough to come out of hiding.
Actually, highly likely.
I might have lost some of the evidence though…
But if I find it, assholes will be torn asunder.
And it will be good.
March 5, 2005 at 1:56 am · Filed under Rigamarole
mirrored on madpimp.com
You asked for it!
so here it is…
KimArt part 1
BTW, I can’t even begin to describe how good it feels to me to post more than once a day. =D YEAH BABY YEAH! No more ‘saving for a rainy day’… I’m just gonna write whatever the fuck i want all the fuckinluckinchuckin day long. And you can’t do nothin’ about it.
And it hasn’t even been 12 hours since the last time I wrote.
I call this one, “Helpless”
This image occured to me in a sudden vision. The image portrayed is almost exactly what I saw in the vision, which isn’t usually the case. I remember geometric shapes in the background too , but I couldn’t remember exactly how they looked like, so i settled with grime. It’s not necessarily a self-portrait, but I’m sure we’ve all felt this way sometimes.
And it hurts.
p.s. female.
March 4, 2005 at 3:27 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
Mirrored from madpimp.com
New phobia!
For those of you that know me, you know that I have a lot of weird quirks. For those of you that don’t know me… Let me tell you, I have a lot of weird quirks.
For example – I absolutely detest people who touch me on the neck from behind — especially as a surprise “massage” or as a “what’s up” or ANYTHING like that. It freaks me out like no other. I was seriously mad at a friend of mine for weeks just because he surprised me that way. Yeah — don’t touch my neck if you can help it.
Next, I’m completely terrified of going down stairs. Especially in the dark. Unless I’m in a hurry, I like to hold on to the rail and look at every single step before I get down. It freaks me out! I hate that shit. Once, I was walking down a flight of stairs in a house, and my friend turned off all the lights and I just stood in the middle of the stairs and started to cry. HA! I’m such a freak.
I hate lighting fires. This probably has to do with the fact that I burned my eyelid (still got a scar) with an incense stick at the age of 5 while praying. Ok, somehow kim= no motor skills. I was bowing down and didn’t bow down the incense at the same time. LAME! But, though the wound faded I still hate lighting fires like no other. At least with matches and lighters. I’m ok with those gas? propane? powered thingies that look like little fire guns, where it’s controllable and the fire is well away from my fingers.
So I guess it shouldn’t surprise me — but today I discovered not for the first time that I am absolutely and completely terrified of the sight of blood.
Especially my own.
Today I was at the doctor’s to get a checkup because I’ve been feeling ultra fatigued ever since I got sick. She said it might be the sick, but better take some blood tests to make sure nothing’s wrong with me (cross your fingers for cancer!). Anyhow, so I ended up having to take a blood test, which I haven’t since September.
Last time I had a chatty lady who talked to me for about half an hour before drawing my blood for a ridiculously long period of time and left a bruise the size of a quarter on my inner arm. I was so weak afterwards that i just sat there for like 5 minutes.
For today, I had an old asian guy who told me to sit still and look the other way. Within 1 minute it was over! Somehow he had taken 4 vials from my arm without me even noticing. However, this time along with the shakiness of the experience I ended up turning to see 4 vials of my own blood just laying around on the table next to me.
I thought I was going to scream… or puke.. or a little bit of both.
I really need to be less weak minded. I’m still shaky now and it’s been 45 minutes since the whole ordeal. At least there’s barely a bruise this time. –Is it normal to bruise after getting your blood drawn?
Also, is it normal to be afraid of so many things?
P.S. Lately I’ve been doing a lot of artwork.. Who thinks I should post some up? It’s kind of not my stee-lo to post up actual art not stick figures, but if you’re curious add an “oh kim, you’re such a bunghole” at the end of your comment. Thanks. Toodles!
P.P.S. This was too funny not to post:
|
hey~
i have a weird phobia too EVERYONE makes fun of me for it…
i have a button phobia… I CANT TOUCH THEM!! its so gross to me iono why
i dont like how they look n i dont like how they feel ew ew
my frend said someday hes gonna collect a buncha buttons and dump them on me while im sleepin…i would have a breakdown…
“oh kim you’re such a bunghole”
|
March 2, 2005 at 10:43 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
Xanga-only: A Kim-style book review.
2001.11.29
“hi, my name is k_ and i’m an alcoholic.” how long have you been drinking? about two or three months. how many times have you drank since then? about four or five times. that’s not addiction! then why am i so scared?
every day i get such a strong craving for alcohol that it makes me cringe. every time i feel as if i’m in pain, i feel sick, i feel emotional, my first thought becomes ‘i’d really like a smirnoff right now to calm me down’. i used to be the same way towards coffee.
what is this compulsiveness inside of me that causes me to think these things? if i could, i’d drink myself into a hole and drown myself in a watery pool of booze. what kind of alcohol? any kind. it doesn’t matter. bring it on! — well, with the exception of beer, because i can taste the fermentation in that.
i don’t want to be an alcoholic, but i think if i drink anymore i will be. maybe i should take a few swigs of vodka and i’ll be able to think better. good thing we have no alcohol in our room.
incidentally, does my subconscious purposely search for men in which the relationship will be one sided?
posted by Kim Nguyen at 7:48 PM
Four years ago I wrote this and still I am none the wiser. Still I feel addicted to the drugs that have held me in the past. Still at night sometimes I wonder who I can call, if I can find the courage to call, to make the feelings go away.
Before I start, I’ll tell you now that nothing I’ve tried or am attached to was ever physically addictive besides alcohol. No meth, coke, crack, heroin, whatever. And yet, I still yearn for it. Psychological addictions can be just as dangerous.
Last night at the book store I picked up a book in the Teen section [what was I doing there?] with the huge title “CRANK” on the front and nothing else. I said to myself, “This can’t really be about crank”… but the way the letters were written in powder on the cover… I knew before I even opened it what it was about.
The first chapter
(i dont think i have the formatting right, but i’ll fix it as soon as i get my hands on the book) :
Life was good
before I
met
the monster.
After,
life
was great.
At
least
for a little while.
The story, written in disjointed, almost poetic, verse form took me through a journey of a downward spiral after she meets the “monster”, crank itself.
There are descriptions in this book that shook me to the bone.
They touched me and reminded me of feelings I thought I left. And even as I read the book, as I read about her sniffing her life away through a cut straw, I felt my sinuses twinge, taunting me about what I will never have again.
Funny, this book is to ward people AWAY from drugs.
This book is a amazing, and I feel so lucky to have mistakely come across it, to have bought it on a whim, to have read it in a whirlwind of 2 hours. It spoke to me, it called to me, it soothed me, and it lit me on fire.
For those whose lives have never been affected by drugs, this book will show you in so many words why you should stay away from them…
For those whose lives have been affected by drugs yet have never experienced them, maybe give you a better understanding about why people do… And make the blaming and accusing eyes you give them a little bit softer.
For those whose lives have been affected by drugs and have lived through them, experienced them to the bone — this book will take you back to those times, those swirling nights and days and nights and nights and more nights. And at the end, you will be thankful that those nights have not darkend your life the way it has the people in this book.
And for those of you who are still in that life… Read it, and see what may be.
——
I need a drink. Patron anyone?
——
More exerpts from the book:
No Time Like That First Time
Fire!
Your nose ignites,
flameless kerosene
(and, some say, Drano)
laced with ephedrineyou want to cry
powdered demons bite
through cartilage and sinuses
take dead aim at your
brain, jump inside
want to scream
troops of tapping feet
fall into rhythm,
marking time, right
between your eyes
get the urge to dance
louder, louder, ultra
gray-matter power,
shock waves of energy
mushroom inside your head
you want to let go
detonate
annihilate barriers,
bring down the walls,
unleashing floodwaters,
freeing long-captive dreams
to ride the current
through
arteries and capillaries,
pushing, rushing,
raging torrents
pounding against your heart
sweeping you away.
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