Scribbled among my Econ notes:
What I’ve noticed – the weather.
The weather has such an affect on my mood. It’s amazing how many different feelings come with just subtle differences in the weather.
Gloomy skies make me tired and run down – make me drag my feet – but slight misty sprinkles make me grin and hold my hands out, hoping to catch some drops and bask in the smell of wetness – trees and asphalt.
Pouring rain is fun to run though, but seems so melancholy when I’m inside looking out. The day after rain is lonely and dirty.
Lately the weather feels like april does in San Jose. Ever since seventh grade, this feeling — sunny skies with a cool, brisk breeze has made me utterly depressed. I always thought it was the springtime that made me sad — but maybe its just the connection I make with the ewather. Seems like when the sun warms my skin and the win chills me is when I make myself suffer the most. It’s when I have the most flashbacks of times when I felt less than nothing — sometimes immersing myself so deeply in my visions that the feelings are once again a part of me.
“I make myself suffer”
wow, what a pathetic line. Yet it speaks the truth about a lot of my life. Hah. If I wouldnt’ do this siht to myself, I’d probably be a lot happier.
