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something to ponder

July 21, 2002 at 11:29 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

The other day after coming across 1000deaths, a site dedicated to the victims of suicide and their survivors, I came up with the great idea to create a site where people could write about their experiences with suicide.

However, not only would this be a forum of people who have lost family members and friends through these types of tragedies, but a place also for people who have attempted to do this and survived to write about their experiences.

It seems, the most commonly asked question has always been why.

This way, those who feel so alone will know that they are not alone in the way they feel… and people can share their experiences… and at the same time those who are thinking about doing something like this will see what kind of pain they will leave behind and think twice about what they are considering.

Maybe.

However, after talking this out with some friends, the general concensus was that it wouldn’t be a good idea.

What do you think? Should I do it or not, and why?

Clint said,

July 22, 2002 @ 1:51 am

I would like to respond to your comments, if that’s ok. (if it isn’t, well, you know where the ‘delete’ link is ;))

"it’s to painful for people who actually really go through depression to write about it, and therefore I’d be exploiting their pain…"
Whenever I read your texts about your depressions, and whatever the medical terms are for it, I can relate to that. Because I am pretty much like that too.
Last time I had a major depression and wanted to kill myself, I contacted my best friends on the internet, and talked with them about it for a long time (easier to talk about on the internet, they couldn’t ‘stop’ me if I was going to put it through, etc.) Although I can’t say that they helped me off the idea, it did help a little to know people cared and wanted to help me.
I would be honored to talk about my depressions and suicide thoughts if it will help others (and of course myself).
So I am, like you, much more open with my emotions. I don’t know if many others have the same, but I think it’s worth a shot.
I don’t really understand what you mean by ‘exploiting my pain’, you could only gain on this on a personal level..

"most of the people who would be writing here would only be seeking attention."
I can’t argue with that. Possibly this whole comment I am writing is a need of attention. But I don’t believe it is. If I could have told you all of this privately, I would have done so.

If there would be 5 honest persons talking about their experiences and opinions, would it matter if 2 others were just there hoping to gain some of the sympathy of visitors while they have no idea what they are talking about..

Now.. to end this messed up comment. I would like to offer my help if you decide to put this through. I have a lot of experience with programming PHP, just HTML, and a long time ago Perl (CGI). All of these in notepad, of course.
I am offering to help because I think this project is important, not because I want credit. So it doesn’t matter to me if you told everyone you did it yourself. As long as the goal is never lost out of sight; let people who are mentally and emotionally unstable help each other and themselves.

Kris said,

July 22, 2002 @ 12:15 pm

"However, after talking this out with some friends, the general concensus was that it wouldn’t be a good idea."

Aren’t you gonna tell us why it wouldn’t be a good idea? You have very valid and sufficient reasons in my opinion to go for it; you have been telling us about how you are, so I think there is a great deal of personal motivation as well.

kim said,

July 22, 2002 @ 12:55 pm

Mostly it’s because they’re afraid that a. it’s to painful for people who actually really go through depression to write about it, and therefore I’d be exploiting their pain… and b. most of the people who would be writing here would only be seeking attention.

:T

felix said,

July 22, 2002 @ 11:27 pm

filipino american women have the highest suicide rate among the asian americans.

vandalous said,

July 23, 2002 @ 3:40 am

I think it would be an interesting forum but people definitely need to be careful about what they post since this is the internet and there are sickos out there that would use your comments and hurt you with them. As a "survivor," I’d be glad to post my experiences and thoughts and such but I’d need to see how the trust is handled and/or abused.

Being Filipino and seeing first-hand how many Filipino-American teens are (mis)handled by their parents, I can understand the suicide rate among Filipino-American women. My parents were born in the PI but I was born in the USA. Dad was in the Navy and mom was a workaholic. Divorce is not an option due to social pressures in the Filipino community so all the tension and issues stay home and are usually passed onto the kids. My environment was pretty ugly, as were many of my friends. Still, I knew several Flips who had awesome relationships with their parents. I just wasn’t one of them.

Amber said,

July 23, 2002 @ 11:49 am

I actually think it’d be a good idea to start it.
I’ve dealt with depression and came across this issue before, and it really does help to talk about it. Especially with others who you can relate to.
I think reading these personal accounts could actually benefit someone else who may be faced with this same issue. Who knows? Maybe it could be a life saver for somebody.

kim said,

July 23, 2002 @ 12:27 pm

glad i’m not filipino then.

Kris said,

July 23, 2002 @ 12:58 pm

"Mostly it’s because they’re afraid that a. it’s to painful for people who actually really go through depression to write about it, and therefore I’d be exploiting their pain…"

Exploiting? Is offering a way to let people help themselves and eachother, exploitation? Is helping someone exploitation? I shelping someone and feeling better by it, gaining by it, exploitation?

Is your therapist exploiting you?

"and b. most of the people who would be writing here would only be seeking attention."

So what? One of the most stigmatic ordeals made upon people who suffer from some sort of depression, is that they are ‘only looking for attention’. Aside from the negative intent of this stigma, perhaps the people really are looking for attention, as everyone else is. Then what a better place to come to than a place to ask and give attention to eachothers problems, problems that may not be understood by a majority of bystanders.

It’s only a forum, not a clinic.

The initiative will not help people, the initiative will only make it possible for people to maybe help eachother.

katie said,

July 24, 2002 @ 7:45 am

my only concern is.. well.. rather typical of someone like me. how many people would actually participate?

i suppose i would… but it really, really, really feels like a cry for attention when anything like that comes out of my mouth. i don’t know if i’d feel comfortable coming under possible scrutiny.

i remember once i thought about telling someone that i didn’t feel so okay … being alive, and all… and so i decided to test the waters. and i pretty much remember what they said, but i’m still paraphrasing.

"that’s fucking stupid. suicide is stupid. it’s selfish, it’s for cowards. i have no pity for those people."

i don’t know.. that’s.. just the reaction i expect from people… when things like this are brought up.

it’s a good idea, though… and worth a shot. if it doesn’t work out.. so what? good intentions are always valuable.

Sandy said,

July 24, 2002 @ 11:55 pm

I think a public forum would be a great way for people to share their experiences, their OWN and others as well. In my instance, being bipolar, I have dealt with suicidal ideations for quite some time, and have lost a close friend to suicide.

Suicide and depression are things that many people feel stigmatized by…afraid of being labelled as "weak" , insane or unstable. But yet the no. of suicides increases every year and the more public awareness there is, the less people have to hide.

So YES, I think the forum is a GREAT idea and I would definitely be a part of it.

Pauline said,

July 25, 2002 @ 9:58 am

go for it kim!!!

tim! said,

July 25, 2002 @ 12:20 pm

i think it’s a great idea…however, i’m sure it’d be exploitive in some way or another…people can only break their privacy once…just a thought…i’d totally support it and even chat in the forum though, but i’m comfy w/ it…hohohoho

ggscool said,

July 28, 2002 @ 2:36 pm

lol I already used your site for this several months ago when you were feeling bad and I told you about my family…

Nika said,

August 1, 2002 @ 9:31 pm

I think it’s a great idea. I’m currently dealing with it – one of my closest friends and I are going to seperate schools this year, and she is suicidal – and I worry for her. People in situations like this could use your furom to talk and discuss and find solice and comfort in the advice of other who had been there. It’s a wonderful idea. Take care. :)

Mike said,

August 2, 2002 @ 4:50 pm

i think the site would be a good idea. i have lost family members to suicide, along with a few friends. i have a few friends that have tried. also, i have friends who have lost family to suicide. this site would help others to understand the pain of losing family and friends, and to help those who may be thinking of suicide. i say go for it.

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