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Love or relationship?

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting about love and the effects it has on me. Naturally impulsive, sometimes in the past I’ve fallen into relationships even though I didn’t really have any feelings for them beyond the first spark that ignites when I’m getting to know a person. Once the mystery is gone, and I get the moment of ‘aha!’ and realize what had attracted me to the person in the first place, I usually begin to lose interest.

Throughout my short ass life, I think I’ve loved two people. The first feels like a mistake of childhood. The second I’m still not over. Hell, the first I’m still not completely ‘over’.

Can you ever really stop loving someone once you’ve completely given into the feeling?

I really don’t think you can. And yet… a big part of me wants a relationship. Even with all these fucked up feelings inside of me, myself knowing that my heart — esepcially right now — does not have room for anyone else.

Am I that superficial, physical, a person, that I just want someone to lean on, someone to hold my hand, someone to label in my mind as mine? — Even though in my heart I know right now that regardless what is physical, mentally I cannot belong to anyone else?

I still wear the necklace he gave me. When I touch it I remember his words before he left.

I’m so selfish.

Love,
Kim