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Wednesday March 2, 2005 at 02:05 pm

March 2, 2005 at 10:05 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

Xanga-Only (aren’t you the special ones?)
I know I know, valentine’s day is over… I wrote this a long time ago and never had the courage to post it. :) Hope you enjoy.

Can love be for friends?

When I was much younger, I had a friend that I thought would be my friend forever. We did a lot together, and we pretty much always got along with each other really well. One day she was no longer my friend.

I don’t really remember what happened anymore… but I remember crying many nights because she was gone. All attempts to rekindle our relationship were halfhearted and shallow. Our friendship was never the same, and we will never again be the way we once were (at least the way I thought we were… She may have felt differently about me.)

I’ve been thinking about this recently. When I review the facts, it sounds almost exactly the way I would have reacted towards a boyfriend or a significant other of some sort. Even now, when I think about her, a certain fondness arises in my heart, along with some pain and regret.

Did I love her as a friend? I don’t doubt that at one point in time she was closer in my heart than any sibling I ever had. The sad part is that it’s been at least 3 years since the last time I talked to her, and at least 5 years since the last time I really spoke to her.

Why am I not over this yet?… Which brings me to my next question….

Do you fall out of love?

I’ve been accused of being unable to let go of old flames. People have told me that they feel like I’ve never gotten over my past loves, and therefore cannot move on to new ones. However, this is not the way I see it.

I believe that once you really fall in love with someone, that feeling will never go away. You will always have moment at which you fall in love with someone. The memories that you hold of that person, and the things you thought of them, and the feelings you have towards them at that moment, will always be the same. That love doesn’t fade because the past cannot be changed.

The past can be tainted by actions and words later on in the relationship, but for me, once the harshness of those actions and words fade away, only the lovely memories remain, and the love is still there.

I don’t fall out of love, I just learn to accept that a person is not right for me, and never will be.

However, this poses a problem with new potential loves… There are many out there who don’t hold the same feelings as I do, and feel that I need to fall out of love before I can fall back in…. And then, there are others who are understanding and patient with my psychosis… And then, there are those that I can’t share anything with. :)

How do you feel about love?

—-
Related subjects for the future:
There is no quota for love.
Love for each person is different as the two people themselves.

Sup007 said,

March 2, 2005 @ 2:11 pm

~i lost a best friend too….you know the story *hug*…..of course you’re not over it yet…you never received closure i think and i don’t think you can really stop loving someone~that last question is to big for one comment….we’ll talk about this another night =p

franksabunch said,

March 2, 2005 @ 2:14 pm

A failed relationship (whether friends or gf/bf)  is like a death in the family.  You have to mourn its passing to be at peace with it.  The difference is that you can choose your friends, but not your family.  Therfore there’s less to be taken for granted, and in some twisted way, more to be lost.  The scar always will be there, but the key is having the painful memories associated with the scar dissipate…   Hu-what?!

lumpiablog said,

March 2, 2005 @ 2:15 pm

i’ve never fallin in to love, so i can’t really comment on your subject. I can, however, comment on your xanga.

Sandsid said,

March 2, 2005 @ 2:21 pm

I don’t think you can truely be in love unless you were once friends first. Love… I think a lot of people confuse the love with that fuzzy-wuzzy feeling in the beginning.When the fuzzy-wuzzies wears off… the true love begins…I missed your posts… welcome back! ^^

kbabe44 said,

March 2, 2005 @ 2:46 pm

for me, once i’m out of love, i’m out.  they’ll always hold a special place in my heart and memories but that’s it

friedRICEforme said,

March 2, 2005 @ 3:25 pm

i guess you are right about shedding the pain and bitterness away with time and all that is left will be love. i also believe love can exist between friends because true friendship has love and anything less is a weak friendship.

MuraMasamune said,

March 2, 2005 @ 3:39 pm

Well, kbabe, sounds like you just provided another case example of what the miss said – I don’t think you’re on the same page as far as what being “out” means.  Whatever.  I don’t think you can really fall out of love.  I think that if you love a person (romantically), that’s just it.  Sort of like loving a child, no matter what they do, no matter what else you feel about them, there’s still a part of your heart devoted to them, because otherwise you wouldn’t feel anything about so and so.  And it doesn’t matter if the two of you are “compatible” or even want to be together, it’s just a raw emotion that isn’t dictated by any logic – not that your resulting actions and decisions shouldn’t be dictated by justifiable rationale.  I do think you can cut yourself off from such sensitivity if you want to, but I think to do so would be to rob yourself of some of the beauty of existence, and asking others to do so is misguided and selfish, whether maliciously so or not.

veronicca said,

March 2, 2005 @ 3:41 pm

I suppose I never really fall out. I end up dwelling on the bad until I am able to deal wtih what has happened. I guess i victimized myself (but for good reason). I’ve become so cynical about relationships though. I have a hard time even saying the word “love” because, at the time, even i dont know what it means.
For friendships, i can easily fall in and out of them. I go through them like panties, especially girl friendships. Most of hte time we have a falling out and its not too hard but a part of me always yearned to keep the friendship because things were parted by such petty means

minho said,

March 2, 2005 @ 3:51 pm

love doesn’t exist

oOoParadiseoOo said,

March 2, 2005 @ 4:00 pm

hmm…I believe theres only one true love in your lifetime but many…mistaken loves..I think..you’ll always have feelings for your past exes until you meet the one person you’re supposed to be with and then i think all the other side track feelings disappear..i dunno…thats how i feel at the moment anyways

s1ms said,

March 2, 2005 @ 4:01 pm

love dont exist?
he states it, but he doesnt justify that.
i label that as f-a-l-s-e

i believe there are different levels of love.
different kinds also.
i could never love my best friend the way i love my mom.
i could never love my mom the way i loved this girl.
one day, when im married, ill of never loved anyone as much as i love my spouse.
i think the emotion can die.
even if its strong, amazing love
with the worst of treatment and situations, it can sometimes die. mainly if the person you love changes.
and from my experience if you let go of someone, you have to come to terms with yourself on that first. its not something you can just do… its something you have to really find in yourself to do

but i also believe there is no definate answer any human could come up with.
only opinions.

Oboro said,

March 2, 2005 @ 4:09 pm

hmm i often think love can be explained with this expression, “your first impression is your last..” once u fall in love for the first time.. its kinda hard to fall out of it.. even tho u mean try to occupy ur mind with diff thoughts, activities or whatever… its just complicated haha so avoiding love is what I often do.

SailorJerry said,

March 2, 2005 @ 4:12 pm

Well I say that you don’t ‘fall’ in love in the first place you grow in love and since you are growing in love it isn’t possible to fall out of love but rather your love grows and like all living things adapts and changes into something new and different, not really better or worse just different. I know it’s wierd but I don’t like to think that love is something so trivial that you can just fall out of it I believe that it something wonderful that is far beyond falling in and out. Good to see you posting here on Xanga again I missed the insightful commentary.

shirtpuppet said,

March 2, 2005 @ 4:41 pm

Feelings are funny aren’t they? One day you’re fine and the next you feel like you can’t go on with life without going to see the object of your affection. You see a picture, something you see brings back a memory. A song plays on the radio or your computer when you put things on shuffle. It may bring you to tears, but it’s a part of being alive. To be able to love means that you already love yourself and that’s the greatest feeling ever. I have spent many days in my room listening to music and sometimes wondering if I am even capable of giving this feeling let alone recieving it even from myself. Depression…I could say i’m in love but really it will pass as with everything until that one thing triggers the feelings and i’m back to that time again. Bittersweet memories of happiness lost i guess. As for love being the same, love can change because you may just realize that the love you have for this person is not the same type of love that you thought you had for them. Or you may be forced to change how you love them because well…they aren’t the one for you. I’ve been alone for a while so I’ve had lots of time to think about this….sorry for the long comment that may just be rambling off topic.

lauren_ganda said,

March 2, 2005 @ 4:46 pm

” i don’t fall out of love, I just learn to accept that a person is not right for me, and never will be.” I agree.
hugs*
I know how it feels to lose a bestfriend. You never get over it. Just smile when you think of her.

inkhelm said,

March 2, 2005 @ 5:01 pm

love can come in many different forms. i love many of my friends in a platonic way and the ones i’ve been in a relationship is different. people come in and out of your life for a reason and whether you fall in and out of love for them remains to be seen. some ppl stay forever, others a short brief of time but i don’t love them any less. as long as they’re true to me, i’ll do everything i can for them. that’s the kind of friendship i have with them.my mom thought i was in a gang b/c i carried around a beeper and cell phone haha!

HotterBoy said,

March 2, 2005 @ 5:20 pm

When the relationship goes awry, later after a buffer of time, you can appreciate what it was and still love that person. Because somehow in the universe that time and place still exists as an entity. The toxic interactions that came later can be looked upon with a kind of bittersweet distance. And maybe someday it can be mended somewhat. If not, you’ll go on with a place for them still in your heart.

Tsunaki36 said,

March 2, 2005 @ 5:34 pm

I used to think I was the only one who never lost that “love” feeling. Its nice being able to remember the good memories while, like you said, learning to “accept that a person is not right for me, and never will be.” I think though there are different types of love: love between friends (which can be very very deep), love between family, love between lovers/couples/etc., and true love.
All love is lovely though :D

honeynutmeg said,

March 2, 2005 @ 5:38 pm

“Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that’s all. Memory, memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it. Life has to end, love doesn’t.” – the 5 people you meet in heavenlife ending doesnt necessarily mean through death, it can mean the end of a friendship or relationship…that quotation has helped me through a lot…missing lost loves, the death of john, and lots more….i think its easily applied to so many casesive learned that you have to learn to let go of the sadness, anger, and bad things and just cherish the good parts that you will remember forever

gotlighters said,

March 2, 2005 @ 6:16 pm

love can be for friends… i love all my guy friends. we’re pretty close. I cant really respond much to love considering i dont know much about it. i’ve only truly loved one girl and even though she broke up w/ me already… i still care for her.

CaKaLusa said,

March 2, 2005 @ 6:17 pm

firsthand, I’d say love sucks even though I’ve been single all my life. Go figure.

dudeiambored said,

March 2, 2005 @ 6:22 pm

amen sister….lollove is for friends.no falling out of love.

Child_of_the_Dark said,

March 2, 2005 @ 7:15 pm

I feel love is the stupidest emotion. And the only one that makes life worth living.

KingAmongDorks said,

March 2, 2005 @ 7:35 pm

Love is such a weird thing. To live without it is to not be human, and yet to live with it also means living with the burden and fear of it ending. Love is definitely for friends, but as we all know, times change. People change. Some of the time, to a point where two friends aren’t really friends anymore. My best friend from elementary school changed a lot, and a big part of me wishes that he never did. But since there’s nothing I can do about it, I just hope that the friends I have today and in the future will give me the same feeling my old buddy did a few years ago.

kalamai said,

March 2, 2005 @ 7:39 pm

right now i feel as lost as you do about old best friends. so far i’ve lost two in life. she acts like everything’s all good even though i feel ditched. blah c’est la vie i suppose. there are so many “happy” moments in life that i feel are invalidated by such actions though…
for sure a friendship IS a relationship. i think the only difference is physical intimacy. so many people take this bond for granted…it runs real deep…mentally. when severed by one, the other isn’t ready to move on…so we dwell on that person and may not be able to forget them. do we really want to? probably but they are in the back of your mind no matter what…i’ve been asking myself whether i want to let go. i still don’t know the answer.
i guess if you fall out of love…there wasn’t much of it to begin with. if we hold onto even a fraying thread…there is love.

KeAiNuRen said,

March 2, 2005 @ 8:04 pm

Love is great to be shared. Unconditional love is the best because regardless of what you do, the person will still love you for who you are. *grin*

skelestones said,

March 2, 2005 @ 8:32 pm

 I love all me mates and they love me, they do, the cheeky monkey’s. Hip Hip Tally Ho … you sexy bird.

acchan_the_turtle said,

March 2, 2005 @ 8:33 pm

i think love can go away if u get really hurt by that person…but maybe not completelyits hard without some kinda closure, but when they hurt u and just leave the closure never comes from that person…gotta find it within urself….how do i feel about love???im not sure… maybe ill find it someday

Tinatamad2001 said,

March 2, 2005 @ 9:22 pm

shi = love.. =]

mofomo said,

March 2, 2005 @ 9:25 pm

“Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” (1 Cor. 13:4-8)
to me that says it all. the keyword there is long-suffering…if you really love someone you will put up with the weaknesses and imperfections of that person, even if they end up breaking your heart. therefore, i believe that you can not fall completely out of love because if it was true love you will always forgive them and remember the good in them, otherwise it wasnt love in the first place

chicken226 said,

March 2, 2005 @ 11:26 pm

i feel the same way!

Jeffreyli7 said,

March 3, 2005 @ 2:38 am

interestinggggg so many ppl rite and examine this tpoic so much

whonose said,

March 3, 2005 @ 6:43 am

I think once you love someone – and I mean true love, not the love we associate with an object or a passion, but true principled love for someone whe have chosen to bestow those feelings on to – you can never fall out of love with that person.
That person may change and become someone else, and we can easily say we dont love them now. But we fell in love with a person at one time and if we were to meet them again we would still love them – even if they didn’t love us back.
You still love your friend of years ago. You may not be experiencing that love now, but you still have that love, it just has nowhere to go but inward, which sometimes hurts, but also keeps reminding us what love is and when the right person comes along you can shed it outwards again.
Man I sound so corny. That’s what I believe all the same.

UCcowgirl23 said,

March 3, 2005 @ 6:45 am

hmmm u pose a good question. If you cant fall out of love then ive never been in love in past relationships – bc i dont love those guys anymore…however i do care about them, and a bit of them will always be with mei had a friendship fall apart like that too – we just stopped talking and i was really upset and tried to get things back on track, but i finally got sick of it being a onsided effort, so i stopped… and we havent talked since

H0USe said,

March 3, 2005 @ 7:31 am

u know what sucks??? protected posts dont come up in my subscriptions browser, i thought u had just stopped writing O_O

MabeMabe said,

March 3, 2005 @ 7:54 am

I don’t think you can ever fall out of love.  Once you love someone, you just love that person.  I do however feel that there are different types of love.  After a relationship ends, you are not IN love with that person but you still love them and care for them in other ways.  You still love them like how you love your friends and family but you are just not in love with them anymore. 

seantheobscure said,

March 3, 2005 @ 8:10 am

i feel ambiguously about that ‘falling out of love’ thing, because first i’d have to decide whether or not i have fallen in love, and i don’t want to think too hard on that, so i’ll leave that alone.
i remember when my first real best friend–the first one i really spent lots of time with and got invited to his house and stuff–kinda went to the other side and more or less joined the group that preferred to antagonize me for my responses. that sucked.
and anyways, i certainly applaud the discussion of love on a day that is not valentine’s day.you know that one cliche, something about in “springtime, a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of love” or whatever? i think it’s not true, at least for me. my mind is always turning to thoughts of love when it isn’t contemplating anything else.
ok, dude, my comments are getting rather long-winded….

seantheobscure said,

March 3, 2005 @ 8:13 am

actually, i do have something to say about the whole falling out of love thing, and basically, this is it: my experience tells me that i always still care deeply for that person, and i certainly find it hard to hold on to a grudge (if that has anything to do with it).

CivicRacr said,

March 3, 2005 @ 9:28 am

how do i feel about love? jaded about it, i sometimes fall back into fond memories that kinda pick at the old scars…thats when i go find happiness in solitary confinement, just doing things alone is hard but feels rewarding at the same time…

nofa1r said,

March 3, 2005 @ 9:48 am

I don’t think that I’ve fallen out of love with my C. But I know I’m ready to move on. It’s hard to totally disregard someone that’s been apart of your life for so long. At least its so with me. I think that no matter who comes into my life in the future, she’ll have to understand that C was apart of my life for 8 years. That’s almost a decade and to think that we aren’t still friends is unreasonable consider C changed me lot into the person I am today. Okay, I think I’m just rambling now.
And yes love can be for friends. I have an friend from elementary school and 2 from high school whom I would drop anything for if they ask me to.
What do I think of love in general? I think it’s special that’s why its so hard to find and losing it hurts so much that we become sournful because of it. It’s like I give anything just to be lost in love again.

TenThousandPoetWarriors said,

March 3, 2005 @ 10:09 am

thanks for sharinglove is a very good thing

IAmAphroditeDude said,

March 3, 2005 @ 10:24 am

I really never thought about love as something that could not be fallen out of…I dont know, I’ve been in love once, but that person changed and I was not in love with the person they became. AT ALL. I still sit and think about my past and all of the flames in it…I also feel a fuzziness along with a bit of pain and regret. I also had a friend back when I was little and she moved a long time ago. I still want to get in touch with her and talk. I think it would be awesome.

sweetxharmony said,

March 3, 2005 @ 10:40 am

i think love can be good, but it can also be bad .. it just depends on the situation. and i think you can definitely love your friends .. just not IN love with them. hopefully. hehe.

HotterBoy said,

March 3, 2005 @ 11:05 am

Dude, put on your layout, or make a new one. I like seeing your self portrait drawing.

lilluvlyan9el said,

March 3, 2005 @ 11:19 am

“4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” –1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

Neojin said,

March 3, 2005 @ 11:55 am

After each relationship, you get closer to understanding what you want from a significant other. Those fond memories are what you want from the next, and those not-so-fond memories are what you don’t want.As for your ex-girlfriend, I think you have some lesbian tendencies surfacing. ;)

swimminglessons said,

March 3, 2005 @ 3:09 pm

i think i’m the kind of person who never really falls out of love either. even though i know i’m not meant to be with my ex it’s still too strange and painful to go back to “just being friends.” it’s easier to just put everything in the past. awesome post btw.

xgdawg007x said,

March 3, 2005 @ 5:20 pm

Love fucking sucks.

O_2627 said,

March 3, 2005 @ 5:52 pm

i don’t know what love is. never been in love. i don’t think it’s possible to be in love when you’re in high school. at least not the kind that can become what you have on your 50th anniversary.

delaphus said,

March 3, 2005 @ 8:20 pm

i agree with you. once you loved someone, you can never hate them no matter how much they hurt you. only the lovely memories stay and when you see them you get this feeling of fondness. i think love like many things in life is very difficult to find pure- alot of relationships that are based on “love” fall apart because it isn’t pure. people throw in their ulterior motives or look to fulfill themselves neglecting the person. it’s rare to find “true” love.

c0rkie said,

March 3, 2005 @ 8:53 pm

unclear

Onigiriman said,

March 3, 2005 @ 9:50 pm

I’m special? woohoo! I believe in love and I believe in soulmates. I guess I’m a romantic…

PopeAlexander said,

March 4, 2005 @ 6:26 am

yay i got added.
i know what you mean about holding on – i do the same thing. i think it’s because i reflect back on the past a lot, not dwelling in it, but just thinking about things that have happened. and like you said, most of what you remember is the best moments because those stayed with you the strongest.
and i think you’re right – some of those feelings never fade. if they went away completely, it probably wasn’t love in the first place.
especially if you are the one who gets left behind, you can’t just turn those feelings off like they never existed – at least i can’t. i just figure out how to move on and do it. but if i think back or talk to that person, i can still feel what i felt.
maybe that’s why people can’t stay friends with their exes.

LoTan said,

March 4, 2005 @ 7:01 am

Love brings out the best in you.Love brings out the worst in you.

estoychino said,

March 5, 2005 @ 7:08 am

i’ve never truely let go..if they were to come back to me right now, and if i didn’t have a love. i’d probaly let them. ehh. im young, don’t blame me.

NoBackstreetboys said,

March 6, 2005 @ 5:45 am

Kim, I dont think you’ll even read this, since this is now an “old entry, and I’m at the bottom of this plethora of xanga eprop crap. But I just wanted to let you know that I totally agree with you.
My teacher once defined love as, “Wanting the best for someone, or something, and using all your talents engergies and resources to achieve that end”. I never really understood what that meant until later in life. I have many friends. I thought I loved alot of them (In a non romantic manner), but I only learned that I would do absolutely anything for a handful. Those are the ones you can truly call your best friends. For yourself of course. Some of my best friends are ones I don’t even talk to much anymore.
When it comes to the definition of love in terms of romantic means, I have been in an infatuation once (On this one girl for eight years), and in love twice. Only one of those have I had a relationship with. Being in love romantically requires different sacrafices you’re willing to make as compared to that a love of a friend. Going back to the definition of “using everything to achieve that end”, I believe that with love, you have emotions that go beyond just sacrificing your own life. Sometimes, the purest form of love hurts. Absolutley hurts. Because there are more things a person can do than just sacrafice their own physical wellness. The absolute sign of love is a sacrafice of thier own happiness.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this… and I probably could have made my own xanga entry with this, but I prefer to write it in here for some reason. Hi kim.

sinceday1 said,

March 7, 2005 @ 3:43 am

i’m with u on this.. all in the past is frozen.. a moment of love is eternal sometimes in the state of past. time cannot erase it just moves us on.

BlindButDriving said,

March 7, 2005 @ 6:59 am

The best way I can explain what love, eerrr.. being ‘IN love’ is..
Completion. No matter what that person is there for you. When they aren’t around it feels like you are burdened with a great void. The person you’re in love with really makes your life better, even on the rainy days.
I’m ‘in love’ with a girl that I was friends with for.. 4-5 years. After being friends for so long we got serious.. That lasted for roughly a year and a half. We broke up. Didn’t talk for a while. I never stopped loving her. Then recently we got back together and well.. It seems to me she is too afraid of it getting sour, as we had a couple arguements which I feel were total misunderstandings, so she backed out pretty quick. She said a lot of things in such a short period of time that really made me believe it was going somewhere. Heh, I’m not mad at her.. I just don’t understand her. I’m really feeling that void right now.
I have been with people that I loved, just wasn’t ‘in love’ with. I am pretty confident in my feelings to know that there is indeed a seperation of the two.
Some of the other comments dealt with different levels and different types of love. I totally agree with them.

dawn_1o9 said,

March 10, 2005 @ 8:40 pm

I don’t know what I’ll do without my best friend.. I love her so much! So yes.. there is such thing as love between friends. I also tend of hold on and never actually fall out of love. Like you said, “I just learn to accept that a person is not right for me, and never will be”.. Except, for my case, I’ve hardly been in a relationship: they were just one-sided love from my side…

Ah_Cheng said,

March 19, 2005 @ 10:27 pm

your writting is really good, this one is heartfelt and strong…love, so interesting, yet so confusing…

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