Question:
If a childhood bully tries to make nice to you, are you the smaller man if you avoid them?
Am I being childish by not wanting to reconcile with someone who made my life miserable so long ago?
After all, it HAS been about 10 years… Still, should my tormentors of the past have any claim to my life at all?
I think everyone goes through thier up’s and down and if that bully has somehow changed then maybe you should try to give them a chance.
I say you owe nothing to people who “tormented” you in the past. If you choose to reconcile that is up to you, but you defintiely should not feel obligated to do so.
you should approach with the attitude “bully who?” they ain’t shit. I mean don’t shit on them, but don’t give them any time either- they have wasted enough of your time. It’s your time and they are insignificant right now.
oh come on, it can’t be that bad. maybe he discovered god now and wants to spread the word. if anything maybe he’s trying to hit on you now…worse thing is a free dinner right?
im sure he’s a nice guy now…actually no, guys are assholes hahah.
be a man…do the right thing.
Well look at it in an honesty with self perspective.Are they attractive? If they are, then if they open their mouth, are they interesting?What will you get out of reconcilliation? A freind? Someone to date? Anything at all? If “what do I get out of it” seems selfish, think of it from the holistic amorphorous mass of humanity viewpoint.If you are happy, then you are better equipped to make the world a better place.So again, what do you get from it? If they make nice because they feel guilty or you are now more beautiful and successful, then FUCK EM.Tryin to ride coattails, get your own fucking success you parasite trailer trash.Just my .02
hopefully the bully changed
i say if that person doesn’t matter to you, it’s fine to be indifferent towards them. it’s not like this bully has been in your life for the past 10 years, right so why would you feel obligated to invest some effort to give them another chance at “friendship”?
on the other hand, if you want to be friends with this bully, it’s up to you. people do change to a point, i suppose; however, i believe that if they tormented you in the past, why should you want them in your life anyway. what kind of “friend” disrespects you like that?
Yes, you are “the smaller man” as you put it if you avoid them. High school was a stage in life. Most people aren’t the same person that they were in high school. Not allowing them to apologize is ridiculous. Why are you still holding a grudge? Why do you think you can’t let go? By allowing them to apologize and for you to accept their apology makes what happened in the past water under the bridge. Move on, it’s the healthy thing to do.
“Thanks, but no thanks.” Approach in a graceful manner has always shown winning attitude. i sound like a fortune cookie.
I’d pretend to be nice and once he/she gets closer, bust a revenge on that person.
Karma is a bitch, aint it? =P
bullies can change.. i got bigger than my bully.. so i want to meet him now.. hahaha.. jkI know you’ll forgive sooner or later.. so just forgive.. =)
I used to say the same thing.. people used to call me a nerd.. and i was proud of it.. cuz i replied.. “Let’s hear what you say when you work for me in the future… ” That usually shut them up..
also, i think forgiving is good. no need to hold grudges, but your decision as to whether you want to be friends with this person or not is a completely different aspect of the situation. 
personally, i think he/she is trying to relieve his/her own guilt rather than geniunely valuing your “friendship” or what not. i wouldn’t waste my time. it’s hard enough to make time for people in your life that do matter already.
I think you should forgive them, that’s healthy… but I don’t think it makes you a smaller person to not want to ‘make nice’ with them… we judge people by how they treat us.
what do you think?i see everyone’s point above me “forgive forgive forgive…..”i wouldn’t. why? why do THEY get the pleasure of your forgiveness? why do they deserve it? let them struggle now with that guilt. they deserve it.but of course.. you shouldn’t treat them the way they treated you. and you should be the better person and be respectable. say hi if they say hi. answer questions if you feel you should or deserve it. but don’t forgive. not after all they’ve done.
iono…it’s tough at times, but i’d say at least try?
its cool. just run them down with ur car.
come on shi, you know already. the high road.
….past have any claim to my life at all?Sounds like they do – still – a little – sure way to get the influence gone is to forgive ‘em – don’t have to hang out – and bud up – unless you find you like who they are now – but if you make your mind up to forgive it? Definitely feel better about the whole thing…
I forgive, but never forget. You dont have to make nice…Whoever says that you should prolly cant comprehend how you were made to feel at the hands of those bullies. Ill just say that they should have a claim to your life anymore….youre so much better now =) just go do your own thang~
You can choose to forgive them but not pursue an active friendship. Nothing wrong with that!
Old habits die hard. I find that the biggest of asshole still retain the asshole in them no matter what. They don’t go from Jackass to Jesus even in their entire lifetime.
George A** and Damien Ghari**** want to make nice? What’s happening in the world?
people change.
I think that people change and deserve second chances, BUT remember that once a person is capable of doing something — they are most likely to do it again. So give ‘em a chance, but if the fuck up then cut off that connection. You don’t need people like that around you.-Dave
Maybe maybe not but it is totally up to you and how you feel
hey, you dont have to be friends with everyone.
i think you should only forgive if you feel like it’ll benefit you in some way. if it’s just to make your ex-tormentor good about themselves…..fuck em =p
Yeh.. to be nice, I think it’s possible to give them a chance. But it’s okay to also keep the distance… You don’t need to start being best friends or something…
i say no…lolz. im mean but sigh* some people dont deserve to be in ur life. they had their chance. sorry..their loss.
i still hold a lot of animosity(sp) towards the bulligious fucktards of the past, but……a few have apologized along the way.. and that does provide much closure…an apology is a gift left on your doorstep. you don’t have to accept it, but if you want to.. it’s there.
It depends on the bully
you can’t please everyone.. do what makes you happy
random props (:
As miserable as this person made you in the past, perhaps it’s best to rise above bitterness (or any recollection of it) and show them that your life has more meaning than holding anything against them? Then they’ll know that not only are you so cool, but so not in their league. =)Boy, were they wrong, eh?
i’m less forgiving. my instincts would tell me to be wary of that person. i guess i would be nice back, but that’s it. no going out of my way to make a friendship. it would be my subtle way of letting that one-time bully know that we were NOT friends back in the day, and i’m not going to make the effort now. acquaintances yes, friends no.
That’s something you have to decide. No one can, nor should, decide what you should or should not think, feel, or do with or about people that you did or do not like.
If he is sincere, you should forgive him. By forgiving him your will close this chapter of your past. Hatred is not healthy.
That doesnt mean you have to be buddies or anything else. But you have to look at it like this; You are not forgiving them for them but only for yourself.
I wish I was there 10 years ago, I would beat those bullies up for ya
no way befreind them! but just show them how happy u r now!
I agree, people change. Maybe they really are sorry. I say find out if they actually have become a nice person. If so, then perhaps reconcile. If not, egg their house. Or something.
closure is always a good thing. you both are different people now and 10 years is a long time and im sure that person has changed. we all have our mistakes when we are young and immature. I say be the bigger person in this case and if they are genuinly being nice to you then you just gained a friend…if its just being fake…who gives a fuck bc u were doing fine w/o them in your life anyway…thats just my opinion.
Kids do stupid things. It’s not really an excuse, but it’s just the way it is. Hopefully, they learn from their mistakes, and eventually grow up.
Ppl do stupid things, reputations get built and torn down in an instant…when you are kids. If this person is genuinely sincere, you can ease them back into your circle and take your time. Ppl change and sometimes they have to realize the consequences of their actions.
dude, cang was my roommate and coworker during college!
i stand with my statement.
I think that you should avoid a bully, that tries to be nice to you, beacause they will end up being FRENEMIES. They are probably trying to become your friend so that they can find out all your secrets and tell everybody.
Alyce Brannen
Always be nice. Never give anyone a reason to talk shit about you.
I don’t think you’d be the smaller person. I mean, it’s basically trauma they caused from bullying you. At least, you didn’t like it. So it’s not your fault for not talking to them/befriending them because they’ve already had the chance to make their first impression on you.
If they don’t understand why you won’t be their friend, they should.
I say tell your boyfriend to beat him up….oh…wait.
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