Almost hurts to think about it. So many things I don’t understand. So many things I don’t remember. Of late, I haven’t the photographic memory that I was once blessed with.

I finally told him (straight up) how I felt. And then I felt stupid. And weak. My eyes watered and overfilled. I think I lost any hope I ever had that night. Probably my karma finally getting back to me. I wonder if I’ll ever be self assured as I was last year again. After all that’s happened — I doubt it. I’ve changed into some insecure 100lb mass of carbon based life form. No longer presumed human. Just a big blob of insecurities.

And then I came back to the hotel to an empty room. Jason hadn’t come back from the movie yet. My eyes still misbehaving, I felt like I was falling and nobody was there to catch me. And then I took a shower.

Jason held me when he came back. Made me feel special. Made me forget how stupid I’d been acting. I don’t even remember falling asleep.