what’s in my mind? right now. right here. — absolutely nothing.
I’d love to fool you and tell you that I have a million things on my mind and that my fingers just can’t express the thoughts into words because my mind is going too fast for them. But I’d be lying to you.
and i’m trying to stop that. the lying, that is. it’s detrimental to my health and my relationships with people.
—
I always want to be the unique one. The special one. The one that makes people go “whoa.” But the unique ones aren’t the ones that make people go “whoa” — not initially, anyhow. Learning to be secure is a difficult task.
it’s like watching dancers. the ones that are mediocre are always eager to show their skills as the ones that are truly talented step back and are simply satisfied with themselves.
i’d like to imagine that in life i’m one of those truly talented — when in fact i’m simply the mediocre. the smiles and compliments are there because I seek them, not because I truly deserve them. Learning to be secure means knowing my own weaknesses.
—
one of my greatest weaknesses is that i tend to despise others for the very things I dislike in myself. stubborness. closemindedness. loudness. shameless ego boosters. — and so I learn my second lesson: being strong means not hating others for the things I hate in myself.
so it goes. so it goes.
