inicio mail me! sindicaci;ón

illusions and rambles

what’s in my mind? right now. right here. — absolutely nothing.

I’d love to fool you and tell you that I have a million things on my mind and that my fingers just can’t express the thoughts into words because my mind is going too fast for them. But I’d be lying to you.

and i’m trying to stop that. the lying, that is. it’s detrimental to my health and my relationships with people.

I always want to be the unique one. The special one. The one that makes people go “whoa.” But the unique ones aren’t the ones that make people go “whoa” — not initially, anyhow. Learning to be secure is a difficult task.

it’s like watching dancers. the ones that are mediocre are always eager to show their skills as the ones that are truly talented step back and are simply satisfied with themselves.

i’d like to imagine that in life i’m one of those truly talented — when in fact i’m simply the mediocre. the smiles and compliments are there because I seek them, not because I truly deserve them. Learning to be secure means knowing my own weaknesses.

one of my greatest weaknesses is that i tend to despise others for the very things I dislike in myself. stubborness. closemindedness. loudness. shameless ego boosters. — and so I learn my second lesson: being strong means not hating others for the things I hate in myself.

so it goes. so it goes.

Trace said,

April 10, 2002 @ 5:17 pm

Ooh! Kim-cam "Lesson" Collectables! ^^ I look foward to seeing them all… and trying to learn from ‘em =D

Jesse said,

April 11, 2002 @ 2:14 am

wise words, kim… good chatting with you tonight, take care!

Nicholas Lim said,

April 11, 2002 @ 2:26 am

woowee that’s what I called awareness and maturity. like jesse said wise words.


jeff said,

April 11, 2002 @ 10:53 am

lived in campbell? ever eat at taco bravo? mmm! hahahahaha im down here in san jose state.. good stuff with the UCi.. ive always wanted to go there but i forgot to sign up oh well. SJSU is ok with me =) just wanted to say wassup and DAMN you have a really nice page. its obvious you know what youre doing with your Web Design =)
see ya

-=OpTicoN=- said,

April 11, 2002 @ 4:14 pm

so many things to say, and not enough time to say them, I’ll look for you later i guess.

ajay said,

April 11, 2002 @ 4:15 pm

life is full of wonders aint it? and hey I AM the one who’s always trying to be the unique one. im known for it. still tryin to be known for it in uci. but wutever. actually i dont care wut other people think bout me. nice journal entries. you wanna read my views on life and ish… check out my site..

dave a male said,

April 11, 2002 @ 5:58 pm

hi. you are cute. i don’t really read what u are saying and i don’t really write anything constructive except u write good. better then mai of course ~~~ you write really good stuff all the time. u are really cute and hot. do u have any naked pics?

anyway i think u are cute. do u have a boyfriend? if you do not, how old r are you? r u over 18? i got in trouble once for that. if u

John Nuch said,

April 11, 2002 @ 11:51 pm

yeah, i get those voids too. However, I have never really posted up a whole entry concerning that…maybe a mention or two, ehehe…

anyways, I think your website would be interesting, even if you neglected to update it for like a whole month (hypothetical), cuz I’m still not done exploring this whole site. I think that’s a testament to your website talent ^_~

Kathleen said,

April 12, 2002 @ 7:23 am

No one is totally secure with themselves. Everyone including myself feels very similar to you. You are very mature for your age and I don’t think you are mediocre at all. Most who are mediocre don’t have any desire to do better. However, you push yourself to achieve. Never be ashamed to be who you are.

Daniel said,

April 12, 2002 @ 5:41 pm

No truer words were ever spoken.

welp, until the next time something truly inspires me…

*ps. what is up with the dave a male post?*

ahprie jackson said,

April 12, 2002 @ 11:26 pm

Kim your like my best friend kinda in a way ,with the both of you , you seem to have a balance one side happy the other sad . it seems(well with my friend ) when the happy side gose up he becomes an ego-jerk and high upon his and has too be talked down form it , and vis-versa when he is sad he depressed to the deepest . im not saying that what you are but you remind me of him alot .i think you are a very wise person and very very intellgent and always learns from lessons and benifit from it and it takes alot of guts to admit your flaws or weaknesses.

D-MAN said,

April 13, 2002 @ 5:35 pm

I can’t help but think that reflects on me somehow.

impaired- said,

April 15, 2002 @ 2:46 pm

sounds like a fun time for you. at least you’ve got the sensibility to acknowledge mediocrity; that’s a start to achieving more, if that’s at all possible. the whole ‘admitting is the first step to overcoming’ adage. you know how it goes. aim, shoot, miss. the stuff of life.


rounin said,

April 17, 2002 @ 9:24 am

calling for attention in the right way is not always that easy.

and dancing alone is not always that fun.

who defines mediocrity and talent aside from yourself?

!@#$ said,

April 17, 2002 @ 4:18 pm

This place never gets fuckin’ updated anymore.

RSS feed for comments on this post

Leave a Comment