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An old subject

I want to write about my depression, how I feel and what’s going through my head as I write. However it’s so hard to find the right words. –

You see, me writing about my depression is like an artist trying to describe his work. That’s me — Kim and the Great Art of Depression. The artist who feels his piece is a work comparable to the greats: the girl who knows her mind borders a thinly kept line of sanity.

Where can I begin to tell you about my great work? Perhaps, my inspiration? Sure why not — seems like a logical enough place to start. What was it that triggered me to create this piece? A splash of red, anger turned to anguish only to descend into a never-ending hole of angst. I compare the anger to the period of time where the artist moulds the inspiration into a solid idea; the anger is the simple sketch or tune of the piece.

What happens during the period of ferverent angst? A lot, actually –naturally the exclusion of everybody in my life, and the need to alienate everyone and everything that I know. It starts as a whisper, a tiny spot of black, an asynchronous chord that soons becomes a cacophony of pain residing nowhere else but my head. It then leaks to my eyes — or perhaps it’s my eyes that are leaky. Regardless, the result is the same. At some point, the tears won’t stop coming.

I want to tell you about my piece of work — all about why, how and what it all means… but I can’t. It’s something you must see yourself, experience yourself, live yourself. — Like how you can’t truly appreciate a play unless you’ve seen it. You’d have to have seen my inspiration, heard all the tormenting words in my head, and the crescendo of negativity to truly appreciate my piece.

The tears are just a shadow of an encore; a polaroid picture of the work that will never become clear.

kate said,

December 12, 2002 @ 7:16 pm

hey. i really like your main page. it’s quite pretty.
i was just curious as to why you felt the need to run your mouth on star’s tagboard. i don’t remember anybody asking for your opinion…and it’s not like i was hurting anybody. i was just trying to help star out (obviously, she didn’t see it that way). okay? alrightie then. hope you have a splendid day!!

qfe0 said,

December 12, 2002 @ 8:29 pm

There’s something facinating about depression… I hate it, but I think depression is something akin to a trainwreck for me… I feel the pain, but I can’t look away… and apparently I have to ride one of those trains too…

I wish you the best.

kim said,

December 12, 2002 @ 8:56 pm

Kate: who’s star?

Crystal from CKI said,

December 12, 2002 @ 9:38 pm

Aw Kim. Well I don’t know exactly how depression feels but my step-father suffered from depression and I know what it’s like to live and interact with those who suffer from depression everyday and their ups and downs. He passed away about a year and a half ago but he was an awesome guy just like you’re an awesome girl. So if you ever wanna talk I’m always here chica =D. Despite all this sadness you feel sometimes, it doesn’t overshadow the great person you are and that we see and enjoy everyday.

Best Wishes.

Andrew said,

December 13, 2002 @ 11:22 am

I love your new layout and I love you. =)

rick said,

December 15, 2002 @ 3:24 pm

I wish I could cry sometimes, but I’m unable. That’s the worst part.

Mel said,

December 16, 2002 @ 8:28 am

This is an awesome diary :D I like this entry a lot, keep on writing girl ^_^

Gary said,

December 17, 2002 @ 1:16 pm

hey i u got a nice site… depression really sucks… i know how it is… and i know too many that has gone through it… i it would be so easy to say things will be ok soon but no one really knows… u just gotta stick with it and hope things will be alright… and just trust that there will be ppl that will just help u up when ur down and be by ur side always

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