I hate it when you type out a whole long entry and mistakely close the window. This sucks. I don’t even remember what I was talking about. I just remember it was long. And good. And really long.

I remember thinking about how it is strange that I find no hesitation when I consider offing myself, but the thought that I might suddenly die or slowly die by things out of my control drives me crazy. Maybe it is because I’m a control freak. Maybe I’m just insane.

Anyhow, things have been going rather well lately. It feels like everything has been clicking together, I’m getting used to working hard again, instead of being a lazy bum like I was during the last quarter at UCI. I think the lethargy mainly came from the depression… but I can’t be too sure. Other than the still lingering bit of depression and this weird voice in my head that I’ve been trying to get rid of, I seem to be doing better than usual.

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Recently, I took a trip to Las Vegas with my boyfriend and other people. That was really fun — not as relaxing as a vacation should be, but I’m not complaining. Though, there was one part of the trip that was rather disconcerting (to say the least). While I was watching my boyfriend play PaiGow from afar, a scary guy with cornrows came up to me and started to rub up my arm making weird “uhhhghhruuhhhrr” noises. Then he left. I was too disturbed to even move, and at first I figured it wasn’t a big deal… But then standing there in the middle of the walkway with a steady stream of people walking by me started making me nervous — I started breaking out into a cold sweat. So then I told the boyfriend that I wanted to go, but he wanted to finish his game so I waited, sqatting down into a half-fetal position closer to the card tables where less people were walking hoping that I had become invisible.

Other than that agitating incident, Vegas was really great. I even got to pull the lever and push buttons a couple times! How fun! The boyfriend even won money…

Also, I’ve made a promise to myself that from now on I will be more availible through AIM and e-mail… so if any of y’all want to talk just mail me and I’ll try to get back to you.