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blah! weird things and vegas trips

I hate it when you type out a whole long entry and mistakely close the window. This sucks. I don’t even remember what I was talking about. I just remember it was long. And good. And really long.

I remember thinking about how it is strange that I find no hesitation when I consider offing myself, but the thought that I might suddenly die or slowly die by things out of my control drives me crazy. Maybe it is because I’m a control freak. Maybe I’m just insane.

Anyhow, things have been going rather well lately. It feels like everything has been clicking together, I’m getting used to working hard again, instead of being a lazy bum like I was during the last quarter at UCI. I think the lethargy mainly came from the depression… but I can’t be too sure. Other than the still lingering bit of depression and this weird voice in my head that I’ve been trying to get rid of, I seem to be doing better than usual.

Recently, I took a trip to Las Vegas with my boyfriend and other people. That was really fun — not as relaxing as a vacation should be, but I’m not complaining. Though, there was one part of the trip that was rather disconcerting (to say the least). While I was watching my boyfriend play PaiGow from afar, a scary guy with cornrows came up to me and started to rub up my arm making weird “uhhhghhruuhhhrr” noises. Then he left. I was too disturbed to even move, and at first I figured it wasn’t a big deal… But then standing there in the middle of the walkway with a steady stream of people walking by me started making me nervous — I started breaking out into a cold sweat. So then I told the boyfriend that I wanted to go, but he wanted to finish his game so I waited, sqatting down into a half-fetal position closer to the card tables where less people were walking hoping that I had become invisible.

Other than that agitating incident, Vegas was really great. I even got to pull the lever and push buttons a couple times! How fun! The boyfriend even won money… :)

Also, I’ve made a promise to myself that from now on I will be more availible through AIM and e-mail… so if any of y’all want to talk just mail me and I’ll try to get back to you.

ko said,

August 23, 2002 @ 12:40 pm

that blurb about the guy sounds pretty creepy. shoulda kneed his groin inside out or something. ur not alone tho, i had something weird happen to me once in a casino. i was waiting for a friend to cash out so i sat idly by at a slot. a girl walked up to me and asked me if she could use my slot. besides the fact that the whole row of slots was empty there wasnt anything really strange about that. i said sure stood up and stepped aside. after like two pulls she made a hit, something like a few hundred quarter. i was like "fuck that coulda been me". pissed, i walked away. (this is the weird part). she stood up and followed me. FOLLOWED ME. i decided to sit down again and quess what she sat right next to me. freaked out im bout to stand up, right, and she tells me not to go and rubs my head. whoa! nobody touches my head. so i slapped her! naw j/p’n. my friend had come by at that point so i just told her i had to go.

kim said,

August 23, 2002 @ 2:10 pm

haha… i guess she had been watching you lose for a while and figured payout was on the way… and then decided that you were a good luck charm. :P

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