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Everybody has their own little fantasies. As a girl with an active imagination, I admit, I probably have more than my simple share of fantasies. Some of them can be long, complex, and complete stories, while others are short little blurbs that are sparked in my mind by some simple event.

Of course, I have some fantasies that are my favourites… Fantasies that are like favourite novels, played over and over in my mind… the edges worn thin, the story changing only ever so slightly with time and experiences. I don’t know if I’ll ever grow out of these.

My worst mistake is hoping that these idle fantasies will become more than just a fantasy. Certain people that I’ve known have had a knack of knowing what’s exactly in my mind… knowing exactly what to say to fill that familiar blank space after something I say… simply understanding me. Others… simply don’t… Or perhaps they don’t care to let me indulge in my little happinesses… There’s nothing much that I can do about it but be deeply and utterly disappointed when something I almost expectantly wait for (like presents on christmas day) however little, doesn’t occur.

I’ve learned to deal with this, somewhat, though by doing these things for myself sometimes. It eases the pain. A little. A masturbation of the mind, if you will, I pleasure myself by indulging in things that I wish others will do for me that they ultimately will not because they would never think of it.

It’s two different experiences completely; simply being with a person who knows what I want more than I do, and being with a person who is oblivious or apathetic to the things that fly through my mind.

saint said,

August 23, 2002 @ 4:02 am

Hm. Masturbation of the mind. Thats deep. I should do that more often. I need to think more about saint. He’s cool. He deserves it. :D

and so do you.

and so does everyone else.

Sometimes we need to just say "fuck the world. It’s [insert your name here] time." Insensitive? Maybe. Self-indulgent? No doubt. Profitable? Fuck yeah.

Kenny said,

August 25, 2002 @ 1:18 am

Fantasies aside, as long as they are there for you in times of need, there’s nothing more to ask for. You’ll always have someone to turn to when you need consoling. Minus the gifts, of course. nohohoho.

…Just don’t think of someone as less of a friend because they can’t circum guess you. :/

terence said,

August 25, 2002 @ 11:30 pm

sometimes the best part about fantasies are that they are simply fantasies. when they become fulfilled, they are no longer there for us to indulge in our minds.

it wasn’t clear to me, but is it your fantasy to be with someone who could read your mind and finish your sentences? don’t you think that would get boring after a while?

kim said,

August 26, 2002 @ 9:27 am

not exactly… i have many fantasies, and sometimes i wish that my special person would indulge in them instead of being oblivious/apathetic to them.

i dont fantasize about somebody who can finish my sentences…etc… I just miss the days when i knew someone who knew exactly how to reply to me to make me feel good, and exactly how to indulge in my childish whims.

Its stupid because I was really hurt by that person who understood me so well and my special person right now loves me more than I know… but occasionally I just have this wish that he could read my mind.

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