inicio mail me! sindicaci;ón


on those nights that i planned my death, the nights that i thought that i would never again see another day, i try to remember the thoughts and things that ran through my mind as i planned my last breath. but once did i ever write in my journal, and though it was by far the most dramatic time that i attempted to do so, it was definately not the time during which i came the closest. i can’t remember what went through my mind at all. i simply remember feeling cold… i always felt tired — emotionally tired. weak, so weak. and angry. angry at my life, angry at what i was going through, angry at all the shit that had to happen to me. you see, back then i wasn’t yet able to block out the bad memories: they were too fresh, and too new. now, as i’m revisited with the pain, i can still feel the shadows of those feelings rushing over me whenever i talk about them. i don’t feel the pain acutely, as i do with all other feelings of the past, strangely. i don’t think i would be able to handle it. i highly dislike family time; it reminds me all too clearly about the past.

Ameer said,

December 26, 2001 @ 10:49 pm

kim, don’t let holiday’s get you down… when you’re idle things go down, in a flash we’ll be at skool with more than you can handle once again… see you then!

E said,

December 27, 2001 @ 5:03 pm

Wow. Um, hi, you don’t know me, nor do I know you. I came to your site thru a link of a link of a link…..sue me, holidays get boring.

But yeah, anwyays,your entry. I was grazing over your page, and I read this entry. I wanted to just say that I totally empathize with you, because I went thru a rough time a coupla years ago in high school. Just being tired, cold, and angry that I had to be put thru all this hardship. And I hated being around my family, it made me shudder…But years later, I realize now how grateful I am that I didn’t go through with half of what I said, and a fraction of things I even tried to do to myself, and how great my fam is….

Yeah, writing a book here….in any case, not here to give a pep talk or give advice. Just glad to see anyone make it thru these days…takes genuine strength of the soul to do it…

And I like the page…have a nice life…..

"See, I know exactly what you mean when you say it hurts too much to talk…I’ve been there, I don’t plan on going back…."
-Sage Francis

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