Dear Friend,

// Begin Installation #2:

So here I am in a hospital, in this weird gown that doesn’t cover my backside very well. A doctor keeps asking me questions… I keep telling her I don’t remember a thing, which is for the most part, true.

I’ve always been a really good boy. I’m a law abiding citizen, I don’t drive fast on the highway, and I don’t even like to swear. But… there’s something about drugs and some things illegal that has always been alluring to me. Maybe it’s the danger involved. Maybe it’s the complete freedom, the scintillating feel of adrenaline rushing through my veins as I do something that excites me yet sedates me at the same time.

Maybe it’s the escape.

…

It’s been a blur, really, these past few days. I wouldn’t say that I’m as crazy as Johnny Depp’s character from that one movie… What was it? Fear and Loathing in LV… No, not as crazy as that… I mean, I never saw any devils, or went out of my mind or anything. It’s not like I’m some kind of druggie or anything. I just don’t remember anything that happened.

I think my last clear memory was when I was just starting to go up when a friend at the party offered a me a few bumps.

Of course, I accepted. Who wouldn’t? It was free!

Have you ever imagined yourself in a world made of plastic? Everything is super shiny, super defined. Your arms, hard to move, your eyes — strangely spastic. And sweaty. Sticky. Everything so very slippery and hot. Yes, a world of plastic that melted into a sea of human flesh rubbing up against itself.

Claustrophobia. Somehow I found myself in open air only to be accosted by the strangly sweet and inviting smell of cigarettes, cloves and marijuana all mixed together. I must have looked pretty bad (or good, perhaps?) because next thing I knew I was sitting down and someone was offering me a puff of something.

Of course, I accepted. It would have been rude push the person away.

Now, after this is when I saw her. At this point, I don’t even remember what she looked like. All I remember was that she was beautiful beyond comprehension.

Blankness, and somehow we were at her house. It was like I was on TV and suddenly the scene changed. Who knew? Groping, grabbing, heat, and lots of snorting is what I remember. Lines. More lines. Where was I again? Another line. What was my name? Just one more time, for old time’s sake. I swear I remember her from somewhere. Oh yeah! The club.

Next, the ATM. More money. More sacks, more lines, more little pills, more fungus, more powder, more bottles. Who knows what day it is at this point. As a true supporter of capitalism, I want to consume! You can’t blame me for that, can you? I’m just working with the system that this country thrives upon!

Binge. Consume. Ingest. There aren’t enough words to express… the feeling of utter gluttony of the mind. I became fascinated with a light. It was as if I was in slow motion. I tried to catch it, this ephemeral dream of a light. And then I knew darkness.

—-

And that’s how I ended up here, in the hospital, in this weird gown that doesn’t cover my backside very well. The doctor keeps asking me questions… I keep telling her I don’t remember a thing, which is for the most part, true.

It’s all been a blur, really.

// End Installation #2

Love,
Me.