I feel bad: I think I’m less reassuring about James’s operation than he is. So many negative things rush through my mind at all times and I can’t help them at all. Even when I’m happy I can’t help be be a pessimist. That is the way in which my life sucks. Ha ha ha.

Recent new perspectives make me able to hold onto happy moments more easily. They make me able to enjoy them more fully. And take bad moments more in stride… But it’s still there. That constant worry, that constant nagging that things will go wrong that terrible forboding that’s always inside of me that I can’t get rid of. The thing that would grow and grow until it took me over unless I go out and do things and try to forget about it. The thing inside of me that eats me alive. Blah.

I tend to be dramatic, too, in this stage.

Sometimes I blame it on PMS. No doubt, PMS amplifies all emotions. However, most times it’s just the fact that I’m naturally filled with depression and certain things bring it out in me. My mother. Rainy weather. Being cooped up in my room. Having nothing to do. Etc. Etc.

Alright, that’s all I have to say. Call me up if you want to do something and you’re from norcal and you have my number. yeah. Hah.