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“How do you feel?”

January 14, 2003 at 7:44 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

I should answer, “I feel good, oh I feel so good, uh! I feel fine, all of the time! unga unga unga unga unga”..

But what can I do? That’s not the case.

//begin bitching

I feel tired. Only the second week of school and my sleep schedule is already fucked up beyond repair. I sleep when I should be working, I procrastinate when I should be sleeping and I mope around and worry about things instead of actually getting up and taking action.

I feel helpless. I feel like I can’t get my shit together no matter how hard I try. I feel like every time I turn around someone is yelling at me because I shirked some responsibility or another. My fault, really, because I take on more responsibilities than I can handle, but this knowledge doesn’t make me feel any better. Just stressed… and pissed at myself for making things that way.

I feel jealous. The green tint of envy must be permanantly stained into my skin. I’m so insecure lately that everything makes me jealous of others. This is not the way I want my life to be, but this is my life.

I feel lonely. After visiting my friends up north this last time, I missed them more than ever when I came back. I miss having people with whom I can just sit for hours and do nothing with… Winter break was like having the tiniest taste again of those countless afternoons in high school. I have yet to find a group of people I feel as comfortable with, a group people who accept me for who I am, or a group of people who inspire me as much as they do all rolled into one. At least I still have them for the breaks, I suppose.

I feel tired.

//end bitching

doug said,

January 15, 2003 @ 11:44 am

If you weren’t all the way out in California, I’d say come hang out with us, here in New Orleans. We’re an excellent bunch of geeks that tend to sit around and do nothing. We watched Little Buddha on HBO last night and none of us liked it, but we continued to watch it anyway.. I guess because we were in good company. Invitation’s still open if you happen to find yourself over in this area. And take it easy, I’m sure there are some good hearted geeks somewhere at your school. You just have to find them

Andrew said,

January 15, 2003 @ 12:32 pm

You deserve better than to feel this way. There’s something strong and vibrant inside your words, and I hope you’re able to see that very same strength and vibrance in yourself. I don’t know you, but I can tell that there is something incredible about you. I hope you realize that. You don’t deserve these feelings, you deserve to feel…alive.

Chris said,

January 15, 2003 @ 11:45 pm

NOOOoooooo it’s not UNGA!! it’s ABOOGA! ABOOGA! ABOOGA BOOGA BOOGA! tsk tsk Kim…and I thought you knew better! =P

Vu said,

January 16, 2003 @ 9:49 pm

love the new design

freaking great =o)

The Kats Meow said,

January 16, 2003 @ 11:35 pm

Damn I wish I could go to Cali and just make u laugh. Or just give u the convenience of having company around. I mean who doesn’t get stressed or jealous once in awhile.I mean girl u got passion and drive and a bunch of weirdos like me….lol who just love the hell outta u and ur site. Start feelin good. And If u don’t feel good I’ll post happy messages everyday to brighten ur day until u feel do!

Trevor said,

January 17, 2003 @ 5:43 am

sup, it’s been awhile since I’ve dropped by, but it’s early in the morning and I’m bored and nobody’s awake. the last time I checked you were in this state, and the time before that, you were, surprise, also in this state. I dunno what to say about that, only that I used to be like that too, but I changed, I found something proactive to do with my life. And I did it all by myself. But then again, I’m a guy, motivated by different things. Here’s a little psychological trivia that my roommate unloaded on me. The reason why there are so many more depressed girls than guys is that, when guys get depressed, they tend to do something about it, when girls get depressed, they tend to dwell on it. Between architecture and working out, I’ve got no free time, I keep myself busy as hell, I don’t give myself time to reflect upon my failures, and I move on. Move on. Get a life, Kim. I mean that in the nicest possible way. Get a life.

Tim said,

January 17, 2003 @ 7:33 am

That’s how it is Kim, Smile! You get the hang of it again :p. Dink lots soda and have lots of break fast and force yourself to do it! I know you can :p buh byes

kim said,

January 17, 2003 @ 12:47 pm

Trevor – Sometimes I think I have too much life, and that’s what makes me shut down like this. I mean, right now I’m taking 18 units (a bit more than average), I’m LTG for circle k (like a president only you reign over 6 schools)), an active member of the ACM, and trying to keep up a healthy social life between all of it.

This week something inside of me just cracked.

Also: 90% of the time, I don’t write unless I feel like shit… You probably don’t visit enough to notice, but until recently I haven’t been writing very often…

That, and my zoloft ran out for a couple weeks. Coincidentally i’m at the doctor’s office right now waiting my turn.

GL said,

January 17, 2003 @ 6:47 pm

Life always has its ups and downs… i guess we just gotta take things as they come… deal with things one at a time… but we can never give up… we just need to keep trying cuz when we do succeed we can look back and and realize things happen for a reason and when we c that… we can just smile and be happy that things turn out the way they do

Trevor said,

January 19, 2003 @ 4:24 pm

I’ve noticed that people give advice based on how they see the world for themselves. Most people are average, normal human beings with no concept of how other people feel. They just assume they know others because they think they know themselves. I stopped coming here because I thought I was wasting my time trying to encourage and help you out . . . and I was right, I was wasting my time. I employed the same accidental stereotype that everybody else does. Offering generalizations of "buck up kiddo" and all that cal. I did it because I thought it would help, because something like that would have been what I wanted. I was seeing your problems as something that I’ve experienced and worked through, and I assumed that what worked for me would work for you too. What few people realize is that they don’t know what it’s like to be anyone else but themselves. Because that’s who they are, have ever been and will be. I could offer "sage" advice like everyone else, but the thing is, it’s your life, your problems, your self that you have to deal with yourself in your own way. You’re absolutely right, and I don’t know what to tell you, nobody does. You’re on your own.

BTW, good for you doing all that stuff, 18 credits, that I guess is somewhat admirable, or just plain stupid (I mean no offense, just being candid). I will for conclusion, offer a metaphor, take it anyway you want it, or not at all.

Powerlifters know their limits. They may be able to squat 600 pounds, or bench 400, but they know their limits. They know that if they try to bench 500 pounds, every single muscle in their shoulders, chest and arms will tear in half. They are incredibly strong, but they aren’t stupid, because they know what they can do, and are realistic about it. It doesn’t do a powerlifter any good to try to bench 500 pounds, because the only thing that can come of that, is injury.

Paburo said,

January 21, 2003 @ 10:50 am

a student went to his teacher and said earnestly, "I am devoted to studying your martial system. How long will it take me to master it." The teacher’s reply was casual, "Ten years." Impatiently, the student answered, "But I want to master it faster than that. I will work very hard. I will practice everyday, ten or more hours a day if I have to. How long will it take then?" The teacher thought for a moment, "20 years."

Paburo said,

January 21, 2003 @ 10:52 am

a student went to his teacher and said earnestly, "I am devoted to studying your martial system. How long will it take me to master it." The teacher’s reply was casual, "Ten years." Impatiently, the student answered, "But I want to master it faster than that. I will work very hard. I will practice everyday, ten or more hours a day if I have to. How long will it take then?" The teacher thought for a moment, "20 years."

Vanessa said,

January 21, 2003 @ 4:20 pm

I haven’t been commenting for some reason… i just havent gotten around to looking at your site, and I LOVE THE NEW layout. :D I’m sorry about how you feel. You’ll find those people, and soon, I promise

Vanessa said,

January 21, 2003 @ 4:21 pm

I haven’t been commenting for some reason… i just havent gotten around to looking at your site, and I LOVE THE NEW layout. :D I’m sorry about how you feel. You’ll find those people, and soon, I promise

Vanessa said,

January 21, 2003 @ 4:21 pm

I haven’t been commenting for some reason… i just havent gotten around to looking at your site, and I LOVE THE NEW layout. :D I’m sorry about how you feel. You’ll find those people, and soon, I promise

Midori said,

January 21, 2003 @ 8:55 pm

I just came here again because for some reason I feel that it’s just so weird when I see you in class/around campus and such and then I feel like such a stalker because I see you and I know who you are (I think) although I’ve never met you.

*whew*

Just had to get that out.

About your entry? I totally feel you on that. It’s like you spoke my mind for me, just ten times better that I could have done it myself. You express yourself well.

And I like how you commented your entry in green with two slashes preceding your ‘bitching’ lines.

Midori

Hyung said,

January 23, 2003 @ 4:43 pm

Good news!

… my friend saw your picture and thought you were cute. =)

Cheer up — we can all get together during breaks. It makes our uneventful times even more meaningful/fun.

And about my friend — I explained to him your photogenic and that in person you look like a five-year old. Mwahahaha. Okay, okay, maybe not five — twelve at max. =)

Lumpee Le said,

January 24, 2003 @ 2:19 am

i love you kim, please marry me!!!

Lumpee Le said,

January 24, 2003 @ 2:22 am

oh yeah, my AIM screen name is hirole, IM me sometime because i love you soooo muchie.

Hyung said,

January 24, 2003 @ 2:30 am

First of all I want to address how Kim feels. How are you feeling today Kim? I just want to check up on you. You feeling ok? Want to cheer up with me now?

And now, I want to address how messed up you are Lumpy. Don’t be like that around Kim. She’s not ‘THAT’ type of girl. Trust me, I’ve seen em all. Kim’s a great girl with a rich background. Just read her profile and you can see her personality shines. Ofcourse she still looks like a 5 year old in pictures :)

Lumpee Le said,

January 24, 2003 @ 2:39 am

@_@ I didn’t mean to offend anyone. sorry kim, i don’t love you anymore. you’re right Hyung, i was just trying to exploit this young beloved child at a tough time in her life. I’m such a creep. I am sorry, not only for all the pain i’ve caused, but for my recklessness. bye forever. Keep it real in the 99′

Lumpee Le said,

January 24, 2003 @ 2:42 am

NO!!!! I can’t give up… I love you Kim Nguyen and i want the world to know!!!! I dedicate the song "All My Life" from K-C and Jojo to you my cutie pie. muahz

Mike said,

January 26, 2003 @ 5:01 am

Hi ya :D

eric said,

January 26, 2003 @ 1:57 pm

i envy you for having posts with the ability to have 24 comments (now 25). it doesnt matter if a few are duplicates. well, MFS the site i post on, it will get there one day after i put my skills into it. btw i need a hug. been stuck inside for 2 months due to surgeries and being forced to stay in to study. will you hug me?

Charles said,

January 27, 2003 @ 1:02 am

willis isn’t talkin much. he’s dead. but you, i dunno, inspire me. well, actually, you remind me of myself, which i guess is almost a terrible thing because i don’t think too much of myself either. so yeah. eh. but i do think more highly of you than i do of myself. just stopping by to visit. you’re such a thinker. the tinkering in your brain intrigues me at times, the times i do swing by. your choice of words..very vivid, very lively, yet very…i dunno…reminds me of me. quite the narcissistic thing to say. but yeah, up to you and your moods. i know it varies, just as mine… on some days, reading this post means absolutely nothing. on other days, you too might be intrigued and want to find out who this character is…"who claims to be like me [you]…". countless attempts at contacting you have been made [4]. was up tonight and figured i’d visit. you also probably feel as though you have no time, heart or room to make a new friend. well, that’s up to you. shit, i sound queer. but what the fuck. you intrigue me. write me sometime. really…write me…or don’t write me..haha…though, i’d sincerely appreciate it. feel better doll.

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