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Wednesday September 28, 2005 at 11:54 am

September 28, 2005 at 6:54 pm · Filed under Rigamarole


I’ve been blogging since…

Before “blog” had the meaning it does today.

I don’t think “blog” was a very well known word at all until
Blogger.com busted out onto the scene and wow-ed everyone with the
amazing fact that everyone could make a personal journal without
knowing a stitch of HTML.

Hell, “blog” didn’t even mean online-journal at first. [Oh, the
arguments we would have about that… Don’t get me going, I’ll never
stop.]

So don’t mind me when I find it amusing that I have a 2 letter username
for Blogger [heh, a 3 letter name for Xanga ;) ], or that when I first started blogging, I didn’t even know
automatic blogs existed. Each entry was coded by hand individually baby. [According to their site, blogger.com was started in
August ’99. I have archives dating back to November ’99.]

Wow, I wonder what I called it back then, if not a blog? I barely
even remember. I think I called it my online journal.

Why all this reminiscing?
There’s something sad about electronic copies not aging physically…

Anyhow, all these random thoughts came about because I was originally
going to write a “one year ago today I wrote…” type of entry and I
stumbled across some of my oldest archives.

You may not know it, but having electronic chronicles of yourself from
your teenage years is kind of creepy. It’s not the fact
that there IS a chronicle. It’s the fact that none of it has
changed. At all. Even my writing style is kind of the same.

Reading an electronic copy of what you wrote when you were 16 at the
age of 22 is so different than reading a paper journal entry.
Paper journals age. Handwriting changes. Pages
yellow. Corners get bent.

The following entry could have been written yesterday. But it wasn’t.

11.27.99

Life is so good, you don’t really realize how good your life is
until you’ve seen poverty close up. For Thanksgiving I woke up at 6am
and went to a senior citizens center. We fed the old people until
around 1. After that we left and delivered individual dinners to
families that couldnt make it to the center. We had a bunch of food
left over after that so we brought it to a homeless shelter. I got to
talk to a couple homeless kids. It was really sad and touched my heart.
I will never forget the conversation I had with the girl… It was
nothing much, but it struck a chord in me.


“Are you a volunteer?” she asked me.


I nodded and smiled, “Yep! Are you?”


She shook her head at me and grinned, “I live here.”


I was saddened for some reason. It made me feel really bad. Her family
must have been in poverty for pretty long for her to believe that she
was living there. It made me wonder what her parents were doing to help
themselves, and made me curse society even more.



I’ve been working on the layouts for my webpages so much that
I’ve neglected my journal. Deepest apologies to anyone out there who
actually cares.


Everybody is under the impression that I’ve fallen in ‘love’. It irks
me because I do not like him. I do not even know him. I simply comment
about his looks. I think he is smart, etc. For some reason people think
for those reasons alone I want to be his girlfriend or something. I
just got out of a hard relationship, I don’t know why I would want to
get back into one.



It’s also strange, that in the last couple days more than
three guys have told me they like me. There are more in the last
weeks… but these couple days it’s been especially weird. I do not
know if someone is trying to play some kind of sick joke on me or what.
None of the guys seem to be related, except for the fact that they know
me. It upsets me a little because I am so not ready for a relationship
of any kind. The thing is, I feel as if most of the people who claim
they like me don’t even know me. How can they believe that they like me
if they don’t even know who I am? My face isn’t that pretty, neither is
my body. They don’t know my true personality, they don’t even see me. I
don’t understand this.


Damn humans.



Ironically enough, I hated humans back then, too.


What are things from your past that come back to haunt you?

DisBoiRichyard said,

September 28, 2005 @ 11:54 am

first

seanscheng said,

September 28, 2005 @ 11:58 am

Ex-girlfriends, drugs deals gone wrong, and syphilis.

Fatitude said,

September 28, 2005 @ 12:00 pm

now do you remember BBL’s…i think these were the 1st ‘blogs”…egad i’m old…har

c0rkie said,

September 28, 2005 @ 12:03 pm

i still have my website up back in 1999. that haunts me.

franksabunch said,

September 28, 2005 @ 12:03 pm

I once called a girl a “fat pig” in elementary school, and people won’t let me forget it!  And she turned out to be a beautiful girl who is now married….dang!

JonasApproved said,

September 28, 2005 @ 12:04 pm

i wish i had started blogging sooner but i was more of a private person then. i still am towards my family and some friends, but i feel much more at ease now at expressing my thoughts. i only have one year of blogging experience but i noticed that my writing has changed, or at least its content has. but only because when i switched to a new account, i started to write about the things that i wanted to say before but couldn’t because i didn’t want my “real life” friends would reading them.
i still blog in html. w/ css. just so i don’t forget.

stupidcrazy said,

September 28, 2005 @ 12:07 pm

Sleeping with two sisters and having them fight over me.  Wait, I don’t regret that.

Keniiiiiiiiiiii said,

September 28, 2005 @ 12:12 pm

Awww.. you were such a good-hearted cute little girl.

loldavelol said,

September 28, 2005 @ 12:14 pm

so is it a good thing or a bad thing, finding your journal from 6 years ago and realizing it could’ve been written yesterday?
when i find an artwork i did 6 years ago, i must get the impression that it sucks big time.  otherwise i’ve made zero improvement over that period of time.
i don’t imagine you’d write about guys liking you or you liking guys now.  that’s so high school, right? :P
p.s. thank you for linking to d_art.  i had lost contact w/ him and one of his friends after uci, until i read that entry.

Metro said,

September 28, 2005 @ 12:15 pm

Something that’s from my past that haunts me to this very day is the barriers I put up around myself, which I think keep me safe, but it’s actually what keeps me alone.

everykissbeginswithmeeh said,

September 28, 2005 @ 12:20 pm

i remember when asianavenue was the “it” thing. my account with asianavenue is still there along with my last updates on it. i should go in a change it cause it’s a memory of me and my x, but for some reason i dont want to. i guess it’s cause i took my time out to make each of our layouts…hmm…i dont know. there’s alot of stuff that haunts me. one especially…but it’s a personal matter. im living with it…slowly and surely. but im living with it.less than threemeehp.s. i enjoy the online journals, but they can never compare to one that you’d handwrite yourself. thats what add the personal touch. when it ages like you described, it has more meaning than before.

CaKaLusa said,

September 28, 2005 @ 12:26 pm

my pre-k memories !!!!!!!

Oboro said,

September 28, 2005 @ 12:29 pm

child hood

dianaisadreamkiller said,

September 28, 2005 @ 12:30 pm

i just want to tell you that you seem like a beautiful person and i love the way you write. 
you are a good blogger.
: )

globalguy007 said,

September 28, 2005 @ 12:31 pm

You were a dork then, and you are dork now! =P Yay for dorks! =D haha, i too was blogging before there were “blogs”. And i actually remember when the term started being used, because i was soo pissed off that the News Media were suddenly falling in love with “Blogger.com” which i really fucking hated, blog sounding like crap to me — i still say journal or webjournal. B’journ? NAH! Sounds too italian. B’jorno! Besides, B’jork would sue me. =P Damn humans! I guess blog works. But its still an ugly word. And i especially hate how the news media wants to cut everything down to little small words like “blog”.. for EVERYTHING. As if people don’t appreciate a nice long word like journal or supercalifragilisticesssissippi anymore. And stuff. Field

Asphyxophilia__x said,

September 28, 2005 @ 12:45 pm

Cancer.Hah.Old journal pages.

rice_and_noodles said,

September 28, 2005 @ 12:51 pm

What comes from the past that haunts me?  My credit card debts.

ice1cube said,

September 28, 2005 @ 1:03 pm

So I read your comment and I must say, I am beaming from cheek to cheek. I feel so honored it’s ridiculous!
PS – You are the celebrity not me! :kowtows:

davidngo said,

September 28, 2005 @ 1:04 pm

damn.  you started your cynicism and hatred of your fellow man way back then.  tsk tsk.
hehhe.  seems like whenever a girl breaks up with a guy the “guy-friends” pounce like hyenas.  everytime.  that happened to my sister and my friend just recently.  like clockwork.  they see a rebound potential and just attack!  little do they know, it’s probably the worst thing to do.  but guys as you know are stupid.

Mr_Nish said,

September 28, 2005 @ 1:24 pm

The things I put off for later, and every time I choose to take the easy way out, it slaps me in the face.

Izzy_Caraway said,

September 28, 2005 @ 1:36 pm

lol

KrNbOi54843837 said,

September 28, 2005 @ 1:44 pm

eh cry T.T

hang_luteus said,

September 28, 2005 @ 2:25 pm

I love your blogs, too. you are an exellent writer!

BounceTaDis said,

September 28, 2005 @ 2:29 pm

^_^  nice touch.  i for one….  would like to say that helping others should come before much of what we think as leisure and ideal.  It’s good to know there are people like you out there who are willing to go out of the way to do things most people would consider a waste of time. 

TheTheologiansCafe said,

September 28, 2005 @ 2:33 pm

I understand what you are saying.  I can only comment back to about 25% of the comments now.  I don’t think anyone thinks negatively of you.

TheTheologiansCafe said,

September 28, 2005 @ 2:35 pm

If you ever want to collaborate on a post, let me know.  I have an awesome idea on a he said/she said post.  It would be a post from a man’s view and a woman’s view at the same time.  Just email me if you are interested.

serenette said,

September 28, 2005 @ 2:41 pm

I started Xanga in 6th grade, and just reading the entries of what I done…it makes me feel really humilated of myself. It just gives me a shock to see how much I’ve changed, how my friend-groups changed and how much I learned over the years compared to back then. Some of my friends when they get really bored somehow stumble upon my really old xangas and read all my stupid posts. It’s so embarassing and it makes me think that if maybe 5 years from right now I’ll look back at my posts right now and say I’m stupid.

mAnGLeDmiSTlEtoE said,

September 28, 2005 @ 2:46 pm

My style is still changing…yours has changed too. You don’t have so much of a journal anymore. ^_^
But I’ve always regretted trusting and telling too much. It never turns out for the better.

iAmOdIn said,

September 28, 2005 @ 3:01 pm

I hate my father KRONOS. Good thing I killed that bastard!  Sometimes he haunts my dreams, but then I realize that I could probably kick anything’s ass in the entire universe. 
PS Why do hot asian honies only like asian guys….or do they?  I thought you might know.

iAmOdIn said,

September 28, 2005 @ 3:13 pm

Thanks for the info.  I’m going to hit on the hot asian honey in my sociology class now bwahaha you have doomed her.

Drakonskyr said,

September 28, 2005 @ 3:18 pm

I’ve been blogging since the first of the year. Makes it easier to measure.

Avalest said,

September 28, 2005 @ 3:40 pm

I have been at Xanga for one year… one year tomorrow… or the day after, depending on where you are.

SarcasTikIsm said,

September 28, 2005 @ 3:49 pm

goood question, ill have to think about that one

AnnaBiara said,

September 28, 2005 @ 3:55 pm

I don’t have a past that huge since I’m just 16 but things I have said have come back to haunt me so now I stop spreading rumors and just say “oh, ok” I think one major change from you is the whole talking about boys, thats high school stuff…

Ssweet_dreemzZ said,

September 28, 2005 @ 4:43 pm

i was a loser a couple of years ago. i embarrass myself.

shoujo said,

September 28, 2005 @ 4:45 pm

Wow… it seems like you were just very mature for your age at 16. That’s why your writing style hasn’t changed. :D
My mistakes from my past haunt me. Sometimes they just pop up out of nowhere, in my mind, and remind me of how dumb I was back then… Ah well, that’s what growing up is all about, right?
btw, I love your username. It reminds me of that Image comic character. LOL

shoujo said,

September 28, 2005 @ 4:49 pm

Sorry, maybe that was Crusade… not Image… Don’t mind me, I don’t know what I’m talking about ^^;

cantBfaded said,

September 28, 2005 @ 5:55 pm

promiscuity. O.O

kingofnothing07 said,

September 28, 2005 @ 6:06 pm

things left unsaid have to be about the worst things especailly to those u have strong feelings for pce

gooksantiger said,

September 28, 2005 @ 6:34 pm

I actually started recently.. so… I don’t know hahaha

s1LLyAngeL408 said,

September 28, 2005 @ 6:57 pm

I agree with your old post on how guys like you when they don’t even know you…. You were pretty mature for a teenager =)I love your writing =)

Tsunaki36 said,

September 28, 2005 @ 7:21 pm

i can’t wait till i’m in my twenties looking back on xanga posts. hopefully it’ll still be there then

bjtdevera said,

September 28, 2005 @ 8:20 pm

apparently, i was in a dance number when i was in first grade. they made us wear a mickey mouse shirt, and white shorts. My siblings never fail to bring it up in conversation. Unfortunately, i have pictures. no, i’m not gonna show you.

mickeyyyyyyyyy said,

September 28, 2005 @ 8:52 pm

i’ve been blogging since then, too! i remember using the earliest version of greymatter, and the first time i installed it!anyhow, i like you design, did you do it yourself?

aydongbeeleef said,

September 28, 2005 @ 9:30 pm

procrastination haunts me…hmm.. i’ve been on xanga for a little over 3 years.. all i notice is that i cussed a lot n typed as if i were playing EQ

Kevin72 said,

September 28, 2005 @ 9:32 pm

Oh, I think I will try to get you started. “Blog” of course has always been synonymous with “online journal”by definition. The noun “blog” is just a shortened version of “weblog”, and the only place to go “online” is the “web”, and “journal” and “log” are one and the same. The verb “blog” was quick to follow the noun. I frequently use the term “weblog” instead of “blog” to refer to my xanga when talking to non-blogging friends, because there is actually a prejudice/jealousy in the nonblogging community against ‘blogging’.

TypeRAccord2000 said,

September 28, 2005 @ 9:46 pm

1. giving my heart away and having it broken twice by the same person, now im scared of commitment2. wishing that i did better in freshmen year of college!ehh lifes all about correcting mistakes so i dont think about the past, just about how i can change my future.

OverNagain said,

September 28, 2005 @ 9:47 pm

hi there,
You know, wierdly, I read your blog/journal from time to time, and I don’t know if you think that your writting has improved over the years or not, but I see improvements. Yet, even back then in your younger years, you were still a compelling writter. And you know, these electronic blogs/journals, is perhaps one of the most fascinating developments in chat sites..
About your thoughts on poor people. It is saddening to see those who are impoverished, but if they’re not dying of starvation like in Somolia, than it’s okay.. To me, I think that alot poor people are the one’s that understand the true concept of living. They cherish everything that they have in their possession and they value everything that comes their way. I mean, poor people may lack on objectivity and wealth, but they’re rich at heart: They know how to share, they’re not obligated to act a certain way, people don’t have expectations in them, and they can do and go where every they want without any  restraint.
Concerning your blog on loving him.. him, you don’t love someone because they’re rich becuase that’s just admiring what they have. You don’t fall in-love with someone that’s attractive because that’s just lust. You don’t  fall in-love with someone because they’re smart because that’s just anticipation. Rather, you’ll fall in-love with someone because they’re just them… Honestly, true love has no other reason than loving alone….

d_art said,

September 28, 2005 @ 10:09 pm

i wonder if i should’ve asked more girls out in my teen years.  LOL  they never demanded much.

Kevin72 said,

September 28, 2005 @ 10:26 pm

An ancient historian like me learned a lot from Shi about the early days of blogging… I’ve only been a blogger for 1.7 years, and Shi for 6. Like you wrote on my site, the old ‘weblogs’ were just logs “lists” of websites, and blogger.com was the breakthrough with that code thing.

NoBackstreetboys said,

September 28, 2005 @ 11:04 pm

Your writing back then is just as intriguing. No aZn Talk?

whonose said,

September 29, 2005 @ 12:58 am

Well it just shows you’ve been a naturally good writer for the last 6 years…

jigg said,

September 29, 2005 @ 4:11 am

i guess i got on the bandwagon when blogs were becoming popular back in ’02.  not too long ago, but i already see a slight change through my writing… especially writing style.
as for something in the past that haunts me now… id have to say nothing.  everything has worked out fine with me.
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

demoiselle said,

September 29, 2005 @ 4:15 am

Wow. I really like your blog. Finally someone who really writes. I’ve been blogging since 2000 and as you said it is so weird to go back and see old entries. I’ve changed a lot and so has my writing style. I can’t say that there is anything that resurfaces from my past and haunts me. Once it’s in my past, it’s in my past.
Anyway I’m so glad I found your Xanga.

candiez said,

September 29, 2005 @ 4:38 am

hmm that’s a hard question to answer..probably just the fact that..wow can’t come up with everything..i enjoyed all of my past..can’t think of anything bad..

Trillion_2_1 said,

September 29, 2005 @ 8:03 am

Ratting a friend out to a teacher when he sluffed class. Not jumping in a fight when my friend got jumped by 5 kids. Telling my sister she had ugly hair one day when she woke up. Not investing all my cash in ebay on opening day. Not investing in google at $100. Most of these happend 10 years ago or longer and they still haunt like they happened yesterday.

Elizabeth_Rex said,

September 29, 2005 @ 8:06 am

The memory of people I used to know always comes back and haunts me.

aradne said,

September 29, 2005 @ 8:17 am

Empty-headedness. :P I look back at old journals and roll my eyes a lot. I’ve changed a lot of my opinions, but like you, my writing style hasn’t changed. (which sucks, because I’m annoyed by reading my own writing)Anyway, question: You said you’d never forget the conversation with the little girl. It’s been 6 years… Did you forget?

injuredeagle said,

September 29, 2005 @ 8:34 am

my old lady….

aradne said,

September 29, 2005 @ 9:02 am

I enjoy reading and remembering things that I had forgotten. :-)

drummmachine said,

September 29, 2005 @ 10:17 am

Just stumbled across your page, just saying hi.  Feel free to drop by.  U can get me here or at my old xanga.com/huaping81    …..whats the jazz with you and wuwu??

freeanything said,

September 29, 2005 @ 10:56 am

your xanga’s wicked awsome! i love it.

bboyunique said,

September 29, 2005 @ 11:35 am

i know what you mean =)  it’s a totally different feeling… like receiving a card through snail mail and having something that was physically in the hands of someone you love before receiving it on the other end  – as opposed to say, an e-card =\

seemedisco said,

September 29, 2005 @ 2:18 pm

“Are you a volunteer?” she asked me.I nodded and smiled, “Yep! Are you?”She shook her head at me and grinned, “I live here.”
^^^^^
That would be so damn weird.  And sad.
I don’t like reading past journal entries.  I change so much just week to week that I feel crazy when I do it.

snowbunnihunni said,

September 29, 2005 @ 8:02 pm

hi shi,
i just spoke to picassosinatra, and he is convinced that my comment to you carried a negative connotation.
i said ” now that you mention it, i would like to see you join…if u can”
ok, since i am always construed as being a bitch, i made a short, and from my point of view,  open (meaningless) statement because i did not expect u to respond. i was simply saying that since u mentioned reconsidering membership, i wanted to see you join, if you can = if u meet the requirements, which i was not aware of because i never read about their requirements/score.

MaybeMemories_x said,

September 30, 2005 @ 1:32 am

Things from my past…well 2 years ago I was in an abusive relationship and was raped, so that comes back to haunt me a lot, not only because of the actual event, but because the guy got away with it, even though I pressed charges. It was said there was not enough evidence. I have a dream that keeps coming back, and I hate it, so I turned it into a story of what I think it means, but it still comes back and haunts me to this day.

I_Own_Keni_at_3s said,

September 30, 2005 @ 8:34 am

I want to put my penis in your rectum, just cause you’re so fucking fuckable.

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