all day today [well, yesterday, i suppose it is now…] i’ve been getting this weird feeling in my tummy. it’s that anxious feeling — you know, the butterflies you get in your stomach when something big is about to go down. the weird thing is — absolutely nothing is about to go down. why do i feel this way? what am i anxious about? i don’t know.

at three different points in the day today the feeling came so strongly that i could barely move. the first, while i was doing my compsci hw… second, when i was sitting on the couch at dave’s appt… and then just now in the car.

where is this feeling coming from? WHERE GODFUCKING DAMNIT, WHERE?!

i don’t really get the feeling of dread, nor do i get the happy excitement that something good is going to happen. it’s just this weird butterfly-in-stomach anxiety deal. maybe it’s the beginning of an ulcer. it’s not actually in my stomach, though… it’s not so much as something physical, but a feeling… that like… penetrates my whole body. it’s so hard to explain. i even break out into a cold sweat just thinking about it. so weird!!