Madpimp.com | Dailies for a more better world » 2005

Sunday July 31, 2005 at 10:13 pm

July 31, 2005 at 5:13 am · Filed under Rigamarole

My poo doesn’t stink

And other declarations

A lot of people have been telling me that people are afraid to disagree
with me because I am popular — explaining why 90% of the people who
replied to my “Nobody I know likes Korean people” post agreed with
me. I have decided to take a leap of faith and believe the
people who told me that, and take this chance while my popularity
is hot to make some more declarations that I also want universally
known.

1. My shit smells like butterflies.

2. Men actually HATE blowjobs.

3. All asian girls secretly have big breasts.

I guarantee that all of what I’m saying is 100% true, and that if you
truly want to be a part of this new Kim-religion you must all agree
mindlessly to these statements! COME TO ME MY MINIONS!

Together with these three mantras, we can take over the world!

I am drunk with power.

Disclaimer: The statements above may or may not be 100% true.

P.S. I found this statement particularly amusing:

Theorem: All numbers are equal.
Proof: Choose arbitrary a and b, and let t = a + b. Then

a + b = t
(a + b)(a – b) = t(a – b)
a^2 – b^2 = ta – tb
a^2 – ta = b^2 – tb
a^2 – ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 – tb + (t^2)/4
(a – t/2)^2 = (b – t/2)^2
a – t/2 = b – t/2
a = b

So all numbers are the same, and math is pointless.

Courtesy of bash.org

Comments (99)

Saturday July 30, 2005 at 05:23 pm

July 31, 2005 at 12:23 am · Filed under Rigamarole

My poo doesn’t stink

And other declarations

A lot of people have been telling me that people are afraid to disagree
with me because I am popular — explaining why 90% of the people who
replied to my “Nobody I know likes Korean people” post agreed with
me. I have decided to take a leap of faith and believe the
people who told me that, and take this chance while my popularity
is hot to make some more declarations that I also want universally
known.

1. My shit smells like butterflies.

2. Men actually HATE blowjobs.

3. All asian girls secretly have big breasts.

I guarantee that all of what I’m saying is 100% true, and that if you
truly want to be a part of this new Kim-religion you must all agree
mindlessly to these statements! COME TO ME MY MINIONS!

Together with these three mantras, we can take over the world!

I am drunk with power.

Disclaimer: The statements above may or may not be 100% true.

P.S. I found this statement particularly amusing:

Theorem: All numbers are equal.
Proof: Choose arbitrary a and b, and let t = a + b. Then

a + b = t
(a + b)(a – b) = t(a – b)
a^2 – b^2 = ta – tb
a^2 – ta = b^2 – tb
a^2 – ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 – tb + (t^2)/4
(a – t/2)^2 = (b – t/2)^2
a – t/2 = b – t/2
a = b

So all numbers are the same, and math is pointless.

Courtesy of bash.org

Comments

Saturday July 30, 2005 at 07:58 am

July 30, 2005 at 2:58 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

P.S. KENSHIN IS THE BEST M****F****IN ANIME OF ALL TIIIIIME, BITCH!

Saito Hajime is my hero.

Comments

Saturday July 30, 2005 at 06:50 am

July 30, 2005 at 1:50 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

Too much spare time?
Assumptions: an entry all about me.

A lot of people comment to me that I have too much spare time, since I spend them writing the types of entries that I do. However — what is it about my entries that makes it look like I actually take time on it?

Unlike many people who blog, I guess, I DO think in paragraphs — so my written entries actually only take about 10-15 minutes to write. As for the the entries with modified pictures — come on now, I’ve been doing web design and web development for 8 years (yes, since I was 14) and had my first taste of adobe photoshop 3 at the age of 15 — do you think it takes any time for me at all to scribble shit on a picture?

All defense aside, I notice that it’s not only me that gets these types of comments — the more prominent people are in their blogging, the more they get this question. So to settle this once and for all, I’d like to say: if taking an extra five minutes of my time to think of something thought provoking from my day to write, as opposed to writing about my day itself means that I have too much spare time, then perhaps I do.

But for those of you who think I spend too much time — what do YOU do with those five minutes?

What I do
Who I am

Another question I receive often that is along the same lines is “What do you do all day?” and “WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?” So, to acquiesce to your demands, even though I try to write as little about that kind of stuff as possible, I will tell you. Will it make you understand me more? Probably not, but it’s worth a try, right?

On Monday-Friday I work at this company from 9-12. From 12:30-6 I work at this company. For the first company, I make online tutorials, for the second I do web development.

In my spare time, I knit, sew, work on my webpage (www.madpimp.com) watch anime, sex and the city, and friends. I like to play poker, go clubbing, and I read a LOT.

For the past 4 years I’ve belonged to a community service club (www.ucicirclek.org, part of the KEY Club/KIWANIS family) — this is my first year not in a position, but I’ve had the priviledge of serving as Lieutenant Governer, Spirit Chair, and California Nevada Hawaii District Technology chair.

I spend copious amounts of time with Lan (formerly Sup007).

And sometimes, when I’m not too tired of the internet from being the computer the whole day at work, I go online and scribble some bullshit that people happen to read.

Things I don’t do: Clean my room. Take shits every day. Talk to my family.

OH — and since someone asked me if I was white, here’s the most recent pic of myself that I could find — the reason I’m not looking at the camera is cuz there’s porno on the computer screen. It wasn’t very good porno, though. I’m disappointed.

(I don’t look 22, do I…? no wonder I kept getting carded in Vegas)

And… that’s all, folks!

What do YOU do all day?

Comments (59)

Friday July 29, 2005 at 06:52 am

July 29, 2005 at 1:52 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

Racism or Bigotry:
Which do you prefer?

After my post yesterday — to which I received mostly agreements
that I originally expected to be indignant flaming, I realized that
along with myself, there are a lot of openly racist people out there.

However, there were a couple people who gave me heated responses (one
even called me the Hitler of Xanga! — please don’t call me that, I
prefer Mussolini, thanks… I’m not quite as badass as Hitler)
Anyhow, it wasn’t really enough to spark my fire and write back an
indignaant response to their comments.

It was then that I read my friend Larry’s blog. He wrote:

Racism sucks.

That’s why I’m a bigot instead of racist. Go bigots!

Which got me thinking… Is there such a thing as a difference
between the two? And if there are, can you be one and not the
other?

Racism here is spoken with this definition: Discrimination or prejudice based on race.

A Bigot is: One who is strongly partial to one’s own group, religion, race, or politics and is intolerant of those who differ.

(www.dictionary.com)

Myself
I came to terms with the fact that I was racist a long time ago.
I realize that it’s a part of my upbringing and that there are some
thoughts about race I that just come naturally to me because of my
parents and the media.

The unbearable thought is that I have to come to terms with the fact
that , perhaps, along with being a racist, I am a bigot too.

And then I realized it’s true, I am. That’s why most of my
friends are Asian, why I go to a school that is mostly Asian, why I
enjoy learning about Asian culture more than any others. Sure, it
might not all be Vietnamese stuff, but I definitely identify more with
Asian culture than any others.

Which takes me back to my original thought:
Can you be a racist without being a bigot? Or vice versa?

My answer to that is: I don’t think anybody isn’t a little bit of
a bigot, or a little bit of a racist deep down inside. If you think you’re not, you’re lying to yourself. Our
parents and the media have made sure of that. However, as long as
we don’t act upon those racist and bigoted feelings then we’ll be able
to live our lives as if we weren’t racists or bigots.

But… we can’t forget that we’re human and because we can see
differences in each other plainly, we’ll never truly be without racism
(until we’re all mixed, and then at that point, it’ll be somethign
else).

Comments (66)

Thursday July 28, 2005 at 07:12 am

July 28, 2005 at 2:12 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

Nobody I know likes typical Korean people:
Not even other Korean people.

Dave Chappelle said something on Def Poetry Jam — it went something like this: “Now I’d never say I’d hate all korean people. I haven’t met all korean people. That hate talks for savages. But even though I don’t generalize — I do do percentages and averages. So far I hate 1 out of 5 korean people I’ve met so far.”

Word.

For me the percentage is about half, I think. I like about half of the Korean people I have met. Which means, I dislike the other half.

Why? Because all of the rest are whiney, bitchy, racist, hypocritical backstabbers. That’s right. I said it, motherfuckers!

Korean people are the only people I know that wrote me hate mail simply because I said I liked Korean music. Apparently, my Vietnamese ears weren’t priviliged enough to listen to their precious language. Excuse me, but the hate mail was written to me in English — maybe if the hate mail had been in Korean I would have believed them.

I ESPECIALLY hate Korean bitches. There isn’t one guy I know who has dated a Korean girl and wasn’t screwed over royally. I’ve seen people destroy their whole lives for Korean bitches that leave them in the dust because they found someone better. I’ve heard story after story of Korean bitches being Korean bitches. Even guys who LOVE Korean girls know that they’re going to get fucked over when they date a Korean bitch.

You might say to me then, “Why then, Kim are two out of four of your closest friends Korean?” It’s true, they are Korean — but the difference is that one of them is gay, and the other one is a complete liberal [come on, women’s studies @ berkeley?].

So, today’s question: Why are typical Koreans so fucked up?

While we’re on the topic of racism, I’ve decided to re-join the Xanga World War. Originally my plan was to attack the B-list celebrities… but as I was looking through Featured for e-prop horders whose names were fairly unknown I realized — The B-list is filled with Asian bitches!

What the hell? Hell no, *I* have to be the number one Asian bitch around here.

Cakalusa warred against his own kind by poking fun at other Xanga celebs. I’m going to spice things up by also warring against my own kind.

Hello, B-list Xangans

Taken off because she’s too young for this shit.
I thought she was at least 13.

Um…Come on, the title to her page is “~~I LuBb yOu I wAnT yOu I nEeD yOoH~~”. Do I really have to make fun of her? Yeah, I don’t think so. I’ll just say one thing: EAT SOMETHING!!! Just kidding. I’m jealous, she’s a darkie and she looks like she belongs in Vietnam more than I do. (They’d call me a fat fuck american over there.)

kpmissy

Alright, I just don’t like her because she has the words KP in her name — a sure sign of being a typical Korean bitch [see above]. Her redeeming quality is that she plays poker. — I’ll school your ass, bitch!

krnch1nk25

Her screenname is krnch1nk — what the hell is it? is she a Korean or a chink? Seriously though, Koreans all have tons of pictures where their eyes are opened unnaturally large. What’s going on behind the camera? Is there a penis back there??

So what is it that we have learned today, kiddies? Kim is a racist bitch who hates all Korean people.

Okay, not all Korean people, just more than half the ones I have met. And apparently, the ones I haven’t met are just fun to make fun of.

Bring it on, bitches.

EDIT! This was too funny not to post:

Hey, u know wat????I had nitemares thinking bout u. U know wat??????/If cant read wat i rite go get ur eyes checked………u say i dont hav a brain Y dont u look back at wat u rite?I mean c’mon even a dog can read wat i rite unlike ur SHIT! Ma riting is cool somethang ur NOT!!!I dont wanna mak enemies buh u alread-e r 1………N if u wanna start somethang bring it on cause i bet $10 on maself dat id WIN!!! Y am i riting dis its just wasting ma time on SHIT n on BIACHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LBGH

Posted 7/28/2005 at 8:29 AM by LatinaBabyGirlHeat – delete – block user

She didn’t understand what I meant when I told her that she shouldn’t write off all rock music as stupid, because albeit there’s much stupid rock, there’s stupid everything else, too…. So I apologized for assuming that she had a brain even though she wrote like a 4 year old.

Apparently it made her a little mad.

Comments (234)

Thursday July 28, 2005 at 06:39 am

July 28, 2005 at 1:39 pm · Filed under Rigamarole

Nobody I know likes typical Korean people:
Not even other Korean people.

Dave Chappelle said something on Def Poetry Jam that made me think — it went something like this: “Now I’d never say I’d hate all korean people. I haven’t met all korean people. That hate talks for savages. But even though I don’t generalize — I do do percentages and averages. So far I hate 1 out of 5 korean people I’ve met so far.”

For me the percentage is about half, I think. I like about half of the Korean people I have met. Which means, I dislike the other half.

Why? Because all of the rest are whiney, bitchy, racist, hypocritical backstabbers. That’s right. I said it, motherfuckers!

Korean people are the only people I know that wrote me hate mail simply because I said I liked Korean music. Apparently, my Vietnamese ears weren’t priviliged enough to listen to their precious language. Excuse me, but the hate mail was written to me in English — maybe if the hate mail had been in Korean I would have believed them.

I ESPECIALLY hate Korean bitches. There isn’t one guy I know who has dated a Korean girl and wasn’t screwed over royally. I’ve seen people destroy their whole lives for Korean bitches that leave them in the dust because they found someone better. I’ve heard story after story of Korean bitches being Korean bitches. Even guys who LOVE Korean girls know that they’re going to get fucked over when they date a Korean bitch.

You might say to me then, “Why then, Kim are two out of four of your closest friends Korean?” It’s true, they are Korean — but the difference is that one of them is gay, and the other one is a complete liberal [come on, women’s studies @ berkeley?].

So, today’s question: Why are typical Koreans so fucked up?

While we’re on the topic of racism, I’ve decided to re-join the Xanga World War. Originally my plan was to attack the B-list celebrities… but as I was looking through Featured for e-prop horders whose names were fairly unknown I realized — The B-list is filled with Asian bitches!

What the hell? Hell no, *I* have to be the number one Asian bitch around here.

Cakalusa warred against his own kind by poking fun at other Xanga celebs. I’m going to spice things up by also warring against my own kind.

gook_n_proud_x3

Um…Come on, the title to her page is “~~I LuBb yOu I wAnT yOu I nEeD yOoH~~”. Do I really have to make fun of her? Yeah, I don’t think so. I’ll just say one thing: EAT SOMETHING!!! Just kidding. I’m jealous, she’s a darkie and she looks like she belongs in Vietnam more than I do. (They’d call me a fat fuck american over there.)

kpmissy

Alright, I just don’t like her because she has the words KP in her name — a sure sign of being a typical Korean bitch [see above]. Her redeeming quality is that she plays poker. — I’ll school your ass, bitch!

krnch1nk25

Her screenname is krnch1nk — what the hell is it? is she a Korean or a chink? Seriously though, Koreans all have tons of pictures where their eyes are opened unnaturally large. What’s going on behind the camera? Is there a penis back there??

So what is it that we have learned today, kiddies? Kim is a racist bitch who hates all Korean people.

Okay, not all Korean people, just more than half the ones I have met. And apparently, the ones I haven’t met are just fun to make fun of.

Bring it on, bitches.

Comments

Wednesday July 27, 2005 at 10:58 pm

July 27, 2005 at 5:58 am · Filed under Rigamarole

Which is more hellish?
Hell, or your own mistakes forever?

The common Western conception of Hell is burning flames and torture by demons, zombies and other creatures that relish in people’s… discomfort. At least, that’s what I understand from movies.

…Pretty shitty ending for one’s life — especially if you’re being sent there simply because you don’t believe in the Western God.

However, as I was reading “Play”, a play by Samuel Beckett, in which the characters are in a purgatory, living a part of their life over and over and over again — I began to think…

Wouldn’t it be even more hellish than the common conception of hell if you had to live your life’s worst mistake over and over for the rest of all eternity? I mean, seriously, at least if you are tortured by demons, a part of you can think “Fuck, it is kind of unjustified that I’m being tortured by demons for all of eternity just because I made a few mistakes in my life… it’s not like I did this to anyone” (That is, if you weren’t a demon torturer yourself… but that’s besides the point.)

The reason I think that would be the worst is because if you were forced to live your worst mistake over and over [the one you regretted the most], you’d know you deserve it — because you’re the one who made the decision to make the worst mistake of your life in the first place.

I don’t even believe in Heaven and Hell, and I think that’s fucking scary!

I just know, when I die, I’ll have to live with the the thought “Shit. I shouldn’t have gone all-in in heads up with Jack-Ten off-suit.” for the rest of all eternity.

What do you think is the most hellish?
… and if hell were my version, what would you be forced to live with for the rest of eternity?

*note, i am actually only reading “Play” by Samuel Beckett, which can be found online here

Comments (77)

Wednesday July 27, 2005 at 10:24 pm

July 27, 2005 at 5:24 am · Filed under Rigamarole