May 19, 2007 at 10:13 am · Filed under Rigamarole
Every once in a while I get an itch to try out a new craft. My obsession of the week [I say of the week, because I started making these about 4 days ago] is making quilt-like blankets. Here are some pictures.
My first blanket attempt. Mario world shroom.
My second blanket attempt. Triforce.
Third attempt. Decepticon.
Autobots.
Surprise! It’s reversible.
Here they are side by side.
An action shot of the shroom blanket. 
About me
So here’s a little about me you might not know [though you got a glimpse of it just now] — I’m really really really into arts and crafts. =] Here are a few of the things I’m into.
Sewing
My sewing machine
Some sewing supplies.
Fabric stash
Knitting
Yarn stash
A work in progress
Painting
Some supplies
My Munny
Cooking
May 11, 2007 at 2:29 pm · Filed under Religion
So last night I watched The Mormons, a documentary on the LDS church that has been playing almost daily on PBS. From the way everyone was talking, I thought it would be pretty anti-mormon.
However, in my opinion, it was pretty tame. Maybe it was all the anti-mormon literature I went through before deciding to convert, but I thought that it put my religion in a better light than it has been in the past.
—
Anyhow, funny thing: It was weird seeing pictures of Joseph Smith and the other prophets on national TV. Since I hear and read about them all the time in a non-public setting, it felt like my friends were on TV. “Like OMG it’s President Kimball!”
May 10, 2007 at 2:34 pm · Filed under Family
So, today I signed for my own car insurance for the first time. While the act itself isn’t such a big deal, it’s really had a hard impact on me.
The end of the car insurance marks the end of any connection I have with my immediate family [and by that, I mean mom and brothers]. At least before this I’d get an email every 6 months telling me to pay my mom. But no, here’s where it ends, with car insurance. Now, with finality I can say, it’s unlikely I’ll ever speak to any of them again in a long, long time.
The last time I was with everyone, Christmas 2005Â Â Emancipation
There’s a certain loneliness that comes with being disowned by the people who raised you. Moreso than that, though, is a sense of complete failure.
You grow up hearing that families are supposed to stick together no matter what. Even my own family said that. Growing up, my mom would always say “Your friends will go away, but we as a family will always be there for each other”.
I guess what she failed to mention is that I would only be accepted by my family if I didn’t make any of my own choices. And beyond that, as long as I didn’t make any mistakes. Oh, and as long as I never, ever made amends with my father.
It really tears me apart inside knowing that my family doesn’t really care that I’ve put my life back together piece by piece. And that they don’t really see any difference between the person that I am now and the insane drug-addicted bi-polar run person I was before I started my life over. All they can see is that I’m fat, ugly, and not doing what they tell me to do.
I know the changes I’ve made in my life have been the right ones, but it’d be really nice if I could get validation from my own family.
Hardened
You would think that after a year of being completely severed from my mother and brothers, I wouldn’t still seek their approval and kinship. But I do. Recently, I’ve tried to reach out a few times. Most notably prior to my baptism. I wanted to make sure I went into it without any regrets.
Other than the anti mormon literature, my family pretty much ignored my attempts to rekindle any kind of relationship.
It hurts, but I guess I can move on.
My father
I’ve mentioned my mom and my brothers several times in this entry. You may be wondering where my dad was this whole time. My dad was out of my life for over 13 years, and we only met each other again about a year ago. So, I only recently became acquainted my father with that side of my family.
My dad actually did, in fact, attend my baptism. Which meant a lot to me, actually. Him and his side of the family, my uncle and my cousins have been accommodating in every way.
I love my dad, from what I remember of him, but aside from familial care, it’s very difficult for me to accept my new family into my heart. At times it’s almost painful to be with them, for as happy as they are to see me every time, and as happy as I am to have a group of people accept me as their own, it’s really not the same, because I didn’t grow up with them.
Car insurance
So, as I was saying, today I purchased my own car insurance for the first time. With it came all these feelings. I’m sure for most it’s just something that has to be done, and nothing more. But this time, right here, this simple life task makes me feel so heavy I feel like I’m going to sink into the floor.
My heart hurts so much, I can barely breathe.
I’ll end this with the last words I heard:
“I hope I never hear about you or think about you again until I die. Just the thought of you makes me suffer”
Oh mom, you hurt me too. More than you’ll ever know — because if you did, I don’t think you would have treated me the way you have all these years.
May 9, 2007 at 1:46 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
I recently archived all of my blogs together into one [http://daily.madpimp.com]. Totaling in at 1795 entries at the time of archiving, I realized how much of myself I’ve put out there for people to see. I’ve been going through the archives every once in a while, just to reminisce and get that weird feeling in my chest that can only be nostalgia.
I miss the days that I could just write anything I wanted, wear all my feelings on my sleeve. I miss the words flowing from my fingers, quickly, easily. Where did my words go?
May 8, 2007 at 10:05 am · Filed under Religion
Skepticism
For those of you who don’t know me, or hadn’t heard the news, I recently converted into the Church of Latter-Day Saints.
There are a few who have expressed their skepticism towards my sudden religious conversion — especially since only a few months before, I was struggling with the matter of religion in general.
Stigma
There’s a certain stigma about the Mormon church. I’ve heard interesting stories from the other members of the church about the types of things people have misconstrued about them because of their faith.
My own brother, an Episcopalian priest, tried to persuade against my baptism, calling the church a ‘cult’ and sending me anti-Mormon literature. (What’s interesting is that I had already read all of those pages before deciding to convert… Ah, good ole google and wikipedia.)
Faith
There’s not much that I can say towards the skepticism or towards the people who have strange ideas about what the LDS church is like, but I can assure you that I do believe in the church. Not to say that I don’t have questions from time to time, or that I know everything there is to know about it.
All I know is that when I’m there, it feels right. When I pray, it feels right. When I learn about the teachings of the prophets, it feels right. More so than with any other form of organized religion I’ve encountered.
At the end of the day, what more can I rely upon when it comes to spiritual reasoning?
April 12, 2007 at 2:10 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
My Anniversary
It feels longer and shorter at the same time
Yesterday marked my one year anniversary with Brent. It was an amazing night, celebrating and even more amazing year. Like him, I’ll spare you the lovey dovey stuff — I just want to say this: It’s great to be in love.
Anniversaries
I never realized until this relationship how much an anniversary date means.
In the past
In my last long term relationship there was no particular “day” that was set. It was partially due to the fact that the courting period was so long, it was hard to see where the dating part ended and the actual relationship began. Another part of it, at least in my opinion, was that the person from my previous relationship had somewhat of a commitment issue — if we had set a date, he would have looked at each landmark in an apprehensive way — especially when the numbers got bigger. [According to some friends, this pattern had been shown in a previous relationship, so I wasn’t big on pushing a ‘date’]
I think the idea behind not having a date is great, you’re supposed to be celebrating your relationship all the time, randomly, whenever you want etc. etc. But in reality, that doesn’t happen. After a while, you just take the relationship for granted. Similar to Communism, the idea is awesome, but it’s not really practical to implement.
Currently
What’s awesome and great about my current relationship with Brent is that because we have a date, we have a cause to celebrate once a month. It’s not really the number of months that we celebrate, but the day itself. Also, while we are happily together all the time, it’s nice to slow down for a bit each month and recognize that happiness amidst all of our daily stressors. Similar to church, as devout as you may be, if you don’t slow down to appreciate everything given to you it’s easier to take things for granted.
It’s also great to have a date because it’s like an “official” agreement towards starting a monogamous relationship with the other person.
When someone asks, I can say with confidence “We’ve been together for more than a year now.”
Instead of something along the lines of “Well, I’ve been committed for maybe a year now, but he might tell you eight months or so, I’m not sure, it’s how you view it”
Just not as satisfying to me, personally.
Do you think a date is important?
Or, do you consider it somewhat of a “label” that’s not really needed?
March 2, 2007 at 4:48 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
xkcd.com
March 2, 2007 at 2:18 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
…because I’m feeling depressed for no reason today.
For many reasons, this season of the year brings back bad memories. Spring is the season of sadness, insanity and mourning for me.
Too bad it’s so beautiful.
February 22, 2007 at 4:01 pm · Filed under Rigamarole
“What the sharp decline in reported sexual assaults reveals about today’s youth.”
This article surprised me.
Read the rest of this entry »
February 17, 2007 at 8:44 am · Filed under Rigamarole
One man’s viewing pleasure was the cause of another man’s alarm just before noon Feb. 11.
Let’s just say it was not your typical Sunday morning.
According to the police report, officers were called to a residence in the 100 block of North Main Street after a man kicked in his neighbor’s door and threatened him with a sword. The caller said the subject lived downstairs with his mother.
Police made contact with the neighbor, a 39-year-old man, who told them he heard a woman screaming from upstairs and feared she was being sexually assaulted.
The subject said he grabbed the 39-inch sword, went upstairs and kicked in the door to investigate. He repeatedly asked his neighbor “Where is she?” and made him open a closet, and searched the apartment looking for a woman in distress.
The victim told his neighbor, and later showed police the evidence, that the noise came from a pornographic movie he was watching.
According to the police report, the subject said he got the sword from his father, who had it in the armed forces. There was German writing etched on the blade of the sword.
The victim said he was fearful for his safety and was afraid the he would be stabbed during the incident.
Police are seeking charges of second-degree reckless endangerment of safety, criminal trespassing, criminal damage to property and disorderly conduct against the 39-year-old Oconomowoc man.
See article here.
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